Impending Fate

I am pretty sure I am heading towards a nervous breakdown.  One would never know it by looking at me, or even talking to me.  But I am pretty sure it is on its way.

We are moving on September 11th - ish.  Jason is leaving soon - and then it is just me and the kids... and I haven't done one thing for our move.  I just got done with my last pack meeting a few days ago - phew.  I have Madison's and Noah's family birthday parties on Saturday, and I actually can not even think about making their cakes - it seems like too much.  The reality is I am just not dealing with "reality" - but prefer to live in this fantasy land with my children full of play dates and outings - just living life totally normal.

I am doing well, because I am not dealing with it or doing anything.  I am in complete denial.  Not denial about living in Denver, I am really excited and ready to go.  But in complete denial about MOVING.  Everyday I make a mental list of things that I need to do that night (pack, clean, organize, go through, etc) and then every night I decide that I still have plenty of time to do those things and I go to bed instead.  Every morning I am one day closer.

This surprises me about my personality - I am a planner and I should have a checklist and happily marking things off.  But even the thought of making the check list in and of itself seems too daunting.  So instead I have made a list of all the fun things I want to do with my kids before we leave Utah. 

Conference Center - check
Discovery Gateway- check
Hiking - Check
Temple Square - Check
Chuck E Cheese - Check
Mini Golfing - Check
Wheeler Farm - Check
Zoo - pending
Sleep over with Millie - pending
Swimming a few more times - pending
Going away party - pending

Those pendings are what keep me up at night.  Those are the things I plan for.  But there is a dull gnawing in my stomach telling my that my fate is fast approaching, and the day of judgment is at hand, when a moving truck will pull up and I will be happily coming home with a car full of kids from the Zoo and not a thing will be packed and organized and then, only then, will I realize that I should probably do something.

The Fosters

What are the chances that my older sister would move out of state the same month that we are moving out of state?  Zero - one would think.  But it happened. 

Katie and her 3 cute kids (oh and her husband too) all moved to Las Vegas 2 weeks ago so her husband could teach high school and coach football (living the dream).

Katie and I have not emotionally processed the idea of living 3 states away.  We have both just been in survival mode - I am sure it will sink in sometime in mid-October.

I love my sister.  We have been really close our entire lives, with a small break from ages 16 to, oh, sometime in our early 20's we started being really close again.  And then we started having babies together and were just getting through our own lives - but in the last two years we have really been able to be there for each other and help each other and just hang out and talk more.  Things were just getting REALLY good and easy in our lives.  Then we both had to up and ruin it! 

My heart aches for our children.  They will hardly even remember living by each other.  But they loved each other.  They were CRAZY together that was for SURE and I mean CRAZY. 

I got to have them for four days while they moved to Vegas.  Despite my earlier post - detailing only my inner quandaries about more children - we had SO MUCH FUN and I would do it again in a heart beat. I LOVE you Katie and will miss you so much!

Boise

My boys absolutely LOVE Payton Bell (my best friend, Karli's, oldest boy).  We went to visit them in Boise last spring and my boys have been begging to go back ever since.  Well the drive from Denver to Boise is like 14 hours - so I told them we would go one last time (maybe).  As mentioned earlier Jason has been gone most of the summer - so we just packed up and headed out. 

 

For some reason I don't' think to take a lot of pictures while we are in Boise (I didn't last year either) - but we had a lot of fun.  One day Skyler took work off and we went boating.  I took a super hot picture of Karli driving the boat so I could post about what a cool mom she is - but she deleted it.  But  I still want to put a shout out to her.  She pulled the boat all by herself to the lake and drove it almost the whole time.  She is quite the woman at 27 with 4 young kids!  Plus it makes me SO HAPPY that they have a boat because I desperately want one one day and Karli does everything a few years before me and then I follow (serious boyfriend, marriage, kids, home ownership, second child, van ownership, move out of state, etc).  So for us to have a boat in a few years means something extremely WONDERFUL is going to happen - like win the lottery wonderful.  Three cheers for Kali getting a boat!

 

Well, back to Boise.

Payton, Sky, and Noah on the tube 

 

Brock and Payton 

 

 

Megan stayed under the cab a lot (oh, we left Maddie and Hailey at home with a babysitter)

 

Payton, me, and Noah.  I totally scored some major points with Payton when he said, "I didn't want to go on the tube with you because I didn't know that you were crazy - but now that I know you are crazy you are pretty cool."  That is all I ever wanted to hear. 

 

My boys have sure been missing their dad - but Sky surly made up for it in the "horse play" department.  He pretended to throw them off the boat the whole day - and they loved every minute of it!

 

 

 

 

Brock wanted to ski.

 He was so excited.

 And almost got up.

But then he fell forward - and we had forgotten to tell him to let go if he falls - but we really stressed the "hold on tight and don't let go" policy.  So he got dragged under water for quite some time.  He didn't want to try again.  I don't blame him.

 

I did get a picture of the three boys.  But failed to do so of the 5 girls.  Maybe next time.

 

Thanks Kar for the fun weekend.  You are such a great host and make the 5 hour drive totally worth it!

Denver

I went to Denver the first week of August to find a house for us.  Jason was already there starting his new job - so I flew out and joined him.  Thanks to my wonderful mom for taking the kids for 4 days!

It was great to be out there with Jason while he was there on business because it was on all paid for by his company.  So... for dinner we spared no expense!  I tried Lobster for my first time.  I thought about getting the whole dang thing - but worried I might not like it, I decided to no waste money - so I got the lobster tail.  It was very good - once you get past the weird texture.

Denver was a lot of fun and I am really excited to be moving there - I know we will be very happy and it is a good move for our family. 

Facebook

It is official, after several years of denying Facebook - principles, time, pride, what ever - I had every excuse there was.  However, I decided that with the move to Denver it would be a great blessing... and yet still... a necessary evil.

Why I held out so long?  I had my reasons in the beginning - most of which I don't really remember anymore.  I wasn't totally anti-social media, obviously I have a blog that I really love and enjoy keeping.  I knew I wanted all my thoughts on my blog so they could, (ahem) one day, be put into a book.  And I didn't want some journal keeping "lost on Facebook".  Because let's be honest - it is the day to day record keeping that ends up being the most poignant and entertaining.

For the last 2 years I have resisted Facebook because, honestly, I didn't want another excuse to "check out".  The demands my children place on me are never, ever, ending.  The precious few moments I get to myself I have another never, ever, ending list of house chores, not to mention my calling, and don't forget the never ending etc's.  I know every single mom out there can relate - but right now with ALL my kids being so young - the desire to "check out" is intense.  Almost every time I walk past my computer I have to resist the urge to turn it on and check my email, or read some blogs.  I already was spending more time on the computer than I wanted, and I just KNEW that if I had Facebook it would be harder and harder to resist the urge to not sit at the computer while my kids watched a show - because if they are going to be watching a show - I should at least be making dinner.  For this same reason I have not gotten a smart phone.  Because I know myself well enough to know that if I had one I would be on it at the park, Discovery Gateway, Wheeler Farm, etc - but I want to be present at those function - happily WITH my kids - not trying to get an excuse to sit on the bench and be on my phone.  I want to be playing with my kids at the park.  And before I sound too self righteous - I know that I WOULD because that is what we all want to do most the time - check out.  It is so easy, and I just knew Facebook and/or a smart phone would facilitate it too much.  Anyways... I digress.

But alas we come to my decision to join Facebook.  The reason:  I am moving.  Plain and simple.  Mostly it is to help make friends in Denver and feel connected to the ward.  I do not have any members living close to me and I hear the ward stays connected through Facebook.  Not to mention the added bonus of staying connected with all of you: my dearest friends and family.  Plus the above paragraph is starting to not be true anymore.  We new when we had Madison we would be in for a whirlwind for the next year or so.  I would say, "we just got to put are head down and plow through".  Well, instead of it taking a year... it took two.  But I am finally feeling like I can sit for a minute and not be "wasting time" or "throwing things off" or "paying for it later".  And while my kids are still close in age (and always will be) they are older now (2,3,4, and 6) if anyone is keeping track :) and more independent and manageable.

But I am taking Facebook slow and simple for now.  I may not "friend" you immediately; I will in time.  It is nothing personal - I want to be "friends" with everyone - I just don't want to A)be overwhelmed or B) waste too much time right now while I SHOULD be packing, organizing or cleaning.  But once I am in Denver I will have 2 kids in school, no friends, and a good 3 hour nap time each day... what will I do with myself???

corrections

• I would like to clarify that while I mentioned we went "over budget" on our house in Denver, we can still afford it.  I hoped most of you knew that - I think you should know me/us well enough to know that we are passionate about our budget and like to set it really low, we made a conscious and we believe responsible decision to go over our original budget, but we CAN afford it - we will just not be decorating for a few years while we settle into the cost of Denver living (but what else is new - I never really decorated this house.)
• Jason did not go to Flaming Gorge with us because he ran out of excuses, he went because he knows I love camping and boating and wanted to go together as a family.  He knew that we are running out of chances for this event and wanted to make sure I had a really great, special time with the whole family.  He wanted to come - I did not make him. :)

We have a house

This move to Denver has been an emotional roller coaster for sure.  It has all happened so fast and so perfectly that it feels more like a dream than reality.  We are under contract for this wonderful home - more wonderful than we were expecting or even thinking about.  We knew that our move to Denver would come with a "down grade" in our house.  The market there is really hot right now and way over priced and has created its own "post-recession mini-bubble" if you will.  I went for 4 days trying to find a home - I left feeling discouraged and depressed at the knowledge of how drastically we were going to have to "down grade".  24 hours later Jason had found this home before it went on the market... and the rest is history. 

Truth be told I am a nervous wreck about the whole thing - I have not actually seen the house (that part doesn't bother me), but for the first time in our LIFE we went over budget, and that terrifies me.  I have find solace in our many spiritual experiences confirming to us that this is where the Lord wants our family, but I have learned that even when you follow God's path for you there are still challenges and many bumps in the rode - and I really like to go over bumps with a solid financial foundation!  We have been blessed beyond our wildest dreams, truly, and for that I am so humbled, grateful, confused, and kind of holding my breath.

So if you are ever traveling through the country or just need a vacation PLEASE stop and stay with us - we have plenty of room.

Don't "bring it on"

I guess I have a little competitive streak in me (you would never know it by playing a board game with me) or at least I feel like in life I have something to prove. 

Case in point: When ever I hear that someone has, for example, five kids in five years or six kids in six years, my very first internal dialoged says, "oh, you think you are better than me?  I could do that. Challenge accepted!"  Clearly we didn't do it, but it wasn't because I didn't want too or think that I couldn't have handled it - it just wasn't' right for our family.  But I have always felt like I could have "been that awesome". 

Challenge denied.  Jason is in Denver and my sister is moving to Vegas, so I took her kids for 4ish days so she could get down there and unpack with out them.  I had 7 kids between the ages of 2-8 (8, 6, 4, 4, 3, 3, and 2) all by myself from Thursday to Saturday and for almost 24 hours I had 6 kids between 2-6 (6,4,4,3,3, and2) .

 We survived.  But that was it.  There was no real parenting going on - no bonding or nurturing.  It was purely one task to the next task, one meal to the next meal, one mess to the next mess.  And I am TIRED more tired than I ever have been - even more than when I had a newborn.  That is not a way of life I want.  I like things busy.  But I also love mothering.

So although I know I could do it.  I do not want to do it.

Farm Country and BYU Friends

We got together with our old BYU/Provo friends while some were back in town for the summer.  We met at Farm Country - which my kids loved.  We used to go there all the time when the boys were younger - but I don't think my girls have ever been (at least that they can remember).

 

So we had to get the riding horses shots:

 

Madison's first tiem and she loved it - she did NOT want me to stand next to her.

 

Hay ride:

 

And us: Sabrina, Jess, Me, Heather, Karen

And all of our children - 16 and one on the way. 

Park City

So for just a little back ground information on my family.  In the 1850's my maternal ancestors came into the Salt Lake Valley with Brigham Young as LDS Pioneers... and no one has ever left.  I see my second and third cousins on a regular basis, my children all know their great, and even great-great aunts and uncles.  The fact that I even moved to Provo for seven years was a hard thing for my family and I can count the number of time I had visitors down there - it was just too far. 

 

Well... in June my older sister and her husband decided to take a job is Vegas and in July we found out we were moving to Denver.  In one month my mom will "loose" all of her grandchildren and two of her children.  Just to add to the loss - Daniel (youngest son) and Michael and Brooke are all moving to Logan to go to school in August as well.  My mom has always had all five of her children and all 7 of her grandchildren living with in 20 minutes of her and will now be left with one - all within a few weeks of each other.  It will be quite an adjustment for her - and us as well.  I can not even BEGIN to comprehend what life will really be like to not have any family around - and especially my mom.  

 

So my mom took us on a girls get away to Park City before we all took off.  It was such a wonderful relaxing weekend.  We eat at wonderful restaurants, went to a movie, shopped, slept in, and 

 

I got my first pedicure!  It was heaven.  (weird we all went with a redish color - I just now noticed that).  Thanks mom - it was wonderful!

Flaming Gorge

I don't even know where to begin this post.  My family (extended) has been going to Flaming Gorge every year since I was a little baby (actually since my mom was about 21 I think).  I LOVE it.  I love camping and boating.  They could definitely be 2 of my favorite things in the whole world.  Which is funny because I am NOT a hard core camper or outdoors person.  There is just something that is good for the soul about waking up in the mountains with a shining lake next to you.

 

Well... I have never taken my kids camping.  Mostly because I married someone that hates camping and boating.  It has been a fight every summer since we were married to go to Flaming Gorge with my family.  He always had some lame excuse (school, work, money, pregnant, new baby etc).  But this year he ran out of excuses and there was nothing standing in our way.  So off we went.  We left Madison home with my sister - best decision ever - and headed out with the older three.  It was the best vacation ever!!!  They were so good, and so fun!  Everything I have ever wanted.

 

The first thing we did was take a tour of the dam.  Our kids really like this kind of stuff - learning how things work - so they really enjoyed it.

Then we set up camp and spent the rest of our vacation boating and playing on the beach.

I love to water ski - but have not done it much in the last 10 years.  I am excited to get better.  I did two first to get used to it - then I spent the rest of the time on one.  I learned to slolum when I was 17 and have only done it about 5 times since then - I am excited to get better at it - I really love to ski.

Hayden and Jackson (my cousins) were up there with us the whole time and we had a lot of fun with them.  They are true fishermen and outdoorsmen, great examples for my boys.

  

My grandma and Grandpa, they are the ones that started this whole thing, and my mom.

Megan was the most adorable camper - and her glasses just made her that much cuter!  There is just something about a little girl in t-shirt and jeans, with sand in her hair, sticky fingers, and dirt all over that is just so adorable.

  

This man is my whole world - that sounds so cheesy - but honestly he is.

The kids all tubed but we didn't have the small ski's for kids - so they didn't get to do that.  But they loved the tube.

 

This girl didn't leave her daddy's side the whole time.  She just adores him - and he her.
 

They LOVE to lay on the hot cement at swimming pools, after they would swim in the lake they would hike up the beach to lay on this flat rock they found.

Megan spent hours building things on the beach.  She would move the different kinds of sand all around the beach to make the perfect sand castle or perfect mud pie.

And after a few days of trying we finally caught a fish - he was pretty big too.  They were very proud.

Eating lunch on the beach.

Lounging around.

And of course... throwing rocks.  Brock learned to skip rocks... and find the perfect skipping rock.

It was so fun and I hope there will be many more to come.