Temptations

Often in the church we teach and focus on how to feel the promptings of the Spirit.  I remember many seminary and young womens lessons on the topic and it is something still talked about in Relief Society and Sunday School.  Yes, it is important to know how the Holy Ghost talks to you, prompts you, warns you, and inspires you; but something that is not as often talked about, but I believe is just as impoprtant, is to know how Satan talks to you.  To recognize his voice, his lurs, his temptations, and his deception.

This was easy as a youth.  Basically it was anything that went against the commandments or even more specifically the For the Strenght of Youth pamphlet.  His ploys were usually obvious and typically looked something like an after school special - immodesty, word or wisdom, lying to parents, immorality, cheating - these things are obvious temptations of the Devil - and for me - when I know it is from him... it is easier to say no.

The list I made above are no longer temptations for me.  I have not been tempted to do most of those things in a decade or more.  I thought since I was not tempted by those things I had somehow overcome the tempations of the devil.  Want to know one of Satan's greatest tricks?  To have people not believe in him... and for someone who DOES believe in him, he wants to make us think he is not there... to not recognize him.  He has spent a decade turning into something else in my life.  He no longer works in the black and white - he has made a very real presence in the gray.  For years I have not recognized him.  For years I assumed that voice inside my head was myself.  Yesterday I realized it was him, Satan, who had very slowly and carefully gotten inside my head, I didn't even know it.

How did I realize it?  Satan's goal is not necessarily to have us break the commandments... that is a means to an end.  His goal (among other things) is to not have us accomplish the work we are supposed to do.  As a youth my goal was to be worthy to get married in the temple - so his aims were the obvious things that kept me from that.  My goal now (among other things) is to be a good wife and mom.  This is where he attacks.  Minute by minute, more specifically wasted minute by wasted minute.  For ME he gets me to wastes my time during the day. 

I have a pretty specific routine down.  I get ready and do a few things around the house while the girls watch Super Why.  I was all ready - everything was done.  All I had to do was do my hair, and then the girls and I could do something for the next hour or so before I had to go into Noah's class to volunteer.  It takes about 3 minutes to do my hair.  Everything else was done - house clean, girls dressed, scriptures read, done, done and done - right on schedule.  But I didn't want to be.  Deep down I kind of didn't want to go downstairs and play dolls for the 400th time that week.  But I would never admit that to myself.  So I had a thought.  "I should curl my hair today."  that thought expanded - even thinking "I never do something just for myself, I should get to curl my hair because it will make me happy" (lie and lie).  I do things like this a lot.  Something that should take one second turns into a major distraction in my day (checking weather turns into checking facebook). 

Back to the hair: within 5 minutes (when their show was over and I was SUPPOSED to be done) the girls had disended upon my bathroom with a list of complaints and demands.  I was frustertated, "why are they bothering me?"  "can't I have 10 minutes of peace?" (truth is I had just had 30).  They wanted my attention, I was curling my hair, and half way through, I could not stop now.  I glanced in the mirror, I saw myself, curling my hair, I saw my sad girls, I saw me frustrated.... and I wondered how I got here.  Why did I curl my hair?  Why, when everything was going smoothly did I decide to make things harder?  I realized it was a small, perfectly timed voice, a voice that said, "why don't you curl your hair"  the voice became selfish and self centered and even prideful.  I had the thought, "did Satan want me to curl my hair?"

I dismissed it as absurd.  He could care less about me curling my hair.  But in truth it met his goals; I was frustrated and impatient with my girls, they were mad at me, we had contention in our home, and it caused me to have selfish and negative thoughts about my role as a stay at home mom and homemaker.  I started thinking about the last decade, the decade when I thought that I had conquered Satan and gotten him out of my life (ok, ok, not completely, most of the shows I watch are probably... well, you know).  I started seeing his hand (Satan's) in most of my daily decisions.  Sleeping in?  facebook and blogs? naps? using shows and tv to entertain/babysit my kids?  Were these all temptations that I never recognized??  I just thought I was being lazy!!  Never did I consider that it was Satan.  Because truth is, the more lazy I am the more contention is in our home. Another truth is, we don't need as much "me" time as the world tell us we do.  I honestly believe the "take time for yourself" matra is not all it is cracked up to be and is a lie of the adversary.  Sure you need some time for yourself, but it is hardly as much time as we probably all take.  Because truth is the more "me" time I get the more "me" time I want.

I like me a good challenge.  I like to know that it is Satan telling me to check just one more webpage or just let them watch one more show.  I like knowing that it is him.  because then I can have the courage to say, no.  I didn't like telling myself no.  If I wanted to do it then I wanted to do it.  But if Satan wants me to do it - then I will not do it.

Resolutions

I am a big lister and pretty goal oriented.  For some reason though I am not huge on the new years resolutions thing.  Last year was one of the first years in a long time I made real resolutions.  I just reread the post (read it if you want more in depth look at my psyche).  My resolutions for last year were:

• Serve more - especially as a family
• add roasted garlic to everything
• Organize my house room by room
• Don't buy stuff
• start learning and doing sour dough
• Live in the moment with my children and don't over schedule myself or the kids

How did I do?  We definitely served more - check.  Added roasted garlic to a lot of stuff -check.  Organized my house - check.  Don't buy stuff - does a house count? actually we did really good with this one - we haven't even bought anything FOR our new house, so that is good - I'm gonna say check.  Sour dough - fail.  Didn't even do one singe thing for this one.  As soon as I typed it I never thought about it again.  Live in the moment - can always do better - half check.

So this year?

• I want to be a better wife.  I was really good at this for the last few years, but I think this last year I got overly focused on the kids and myself.  Sometimes I am too quick with my tongue or sarcasm and say hurtful things.  I don't mean to - and I don't mean it - I just am not thinking.  I want to watch my words.  And I just want to be more endearing - more like a girlfriend -  you know what I mean... right?
• I want to host something social every week.  Whether its a few moms and kids over for a lunch/playdate or a family over for dinner or dessert.  I want to be one of THOSE families that have people over.  We have never been one of those people and I want to be.
• PLAY more with my kids.  The older they have gotten the more I have stopped playing with them because.... well... most of the time they all play together.  So I go do something else.  Once a day I want to choose to run around the house and play with them - rather than taking the opportunity to check out for a little bit.
• Get back in the habit of showering and getting ready before the kids wake up. In the spring I might start running early in the morning.
• Be the kind of visiting teacher I would want.
• I am going to stick with not buy stuff.  I am actually going on a spending fast for January.  Minus food.
• I am going to give the Sour Dough thing another whirl.  Although I am still not 100% committed and if your not 100% committed to sour dough it will fail.  So maybe I will tackle this in a few months.
• Spiritual:  Read my scriptures everyday.  This year focusing on the Doctrine and covenants.  Pray morning and night.  Go to the temple twice a month.  Read all the lessons for church.  Have me and the kids memorize 2 scriptures a month.

Main goal/change for 2014 - start my own preschool.  Megan will be in a 4 year old and Maddie in a 3 year old.  I have wanted to do it for years and this is the perfect year.  So the planning and prep is from now until August.  And then actually doing it will start in September.  This is going to take up all my "after the kids are in bed" time.  I am really excited!

Sick

I was sick for a while during December - luckily Jason had several vacation days he had to use or lose, so he was able to stay home and help.  During these days I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to share.

• The kids are so much better for him.  It is very unfair.  He was able to solve almost all of my parenting problems.  Some stuck but most of them returned as soon as he went back to work and I took back over.  Why?  The obvious answer is I let them get away with it.  I REALLY don't agree and don't see it.  I feel I am just as consistent as Jason - he disagrees.  I think the male voice just commands more respect.
• Jason took all the kids to Walmart one morning to get some groceries.  It was the first time he had all four by himself grocery shopping.  He said he loved it because it made him feel like a super hero. Several people (mostly) women stopped him and told him how wonderful he was for having all these children at the store, or how great they were, or what a good dad he was.  People helped him and smiled at him.  I told him that all people say to me is "you sure are busy" or look at me like I don't know how to use birth control.
• There is almost nothing more satisfying than hearing Jason have some of the same parental or house managing problems that I have.  Laying up in my bed and hearing the same tantrums at the same time kind of made me smile.  He also finally agreed with me that laundry is hard to get done and is never ending.
• It is really hard to give up total control.  But once you do; its hard to get it or even want it all back. :)
• If I die my children would be fine - Jason rocks.  However, just so you can all be really sad if it happens, if I die I want you to all know I would be really really mad in heaven.  No one could say, she is in a happier place, or she is happy now.  Because I will be SO MAD to not get to raise my children.  Even if/when I see the greater purposes and have all the knowledge - I put in a lot of work on the front end and am really looking forward to the next 10 years - so if I die one day soon - know that I am furious.  :)

Christmas

After much planning and consideration - at last minute I dropped all my plans and opted to have a quite day and evening at home on Christmas eve with just our family.  I really wanted to do something wonderful.  Exactly what I wasn't sure.  But I wanted it to be special and/or magical.  I felt as we got closer to the day most of my plans would be better served on children about 3 years older - they would probably enjoy an unhurried fun day at home most of all.  To make it feel awesome for me and Jase I decided to cook something yummy and different (than our usual that is).  I REALLY wanted to do a seafood buffet (Lobster tails, crab legs, 4 different kids of shrimp, salmon, etc).  I thought that would be a cool tradition to start - (our kids really like sea food) - but after pricing it all out the meal would cost us about $50.00 - we opted to go smaller (but I think next year I am going to budget it into Christmas).  I went with a London Broil, twice baked potatoes, steamed pea pods, and I made two different kinds of onion rings - one from Pioneer Woman and  the other from America's Test Kitchen.  Both were wonderful in their own right and I will make them both again.  Crazily the kids did not like them so I am going to be honest and admit that Jason and I ate that whole platter ourselves - I am not joking.

(Check out that pink in that meat - best London Broil I have ever done)

 

 

I went really really low on the pictures this year.  Not sure why - just living in the moment I guess.  Usually I have a picture of our living room post Santa, pre kids - but I guess I forgot. 

 

Both the girls got books in their stockings.  They grabbed the books, ran them to Jason and asked him to read them -again and again.  They didn't even look in the rest of their stockings or care about the presents.  They just wanted their books read.  I love these girls.

 

Each kid with their favorite present.  Megan - Cinderella Dress, Madison - Baby doll, Brock - race track and football, Noah - football and Lego's

 

 

My sister made them these ADORABLE aprons!  I am so happy.  I attached a hook to their play kitchen and they wear them when they are play cooking.  Madison puts hers on everyday and asks if we can make cookies together - how do you say no to that?

 

They both got new dolls from their Grandma Herbert.  Megan's has brown eyes and Maddies blue.

 

Megan never decided on what she wanted for Christmas (visions of our Halloween costume fiasco were coming back to me).  It was days before Christmas and she still had not asked for anything.  3 days before she finally committed to a blue sparkly Cinderella dress.  Santa had already made something for her and I wasn't too concerned.  But she stuck with it and really wanted it.  I didn't want her to be disappointed so at last minute we were able to contact Santa and he probably got the last Cinderella dress around (read: Jason at Walmart).

 

My mom got them this race track - it has been a hit!  All four love it and love to watch the cars crash and fly!

 

We got a lot of games this year.  Bop -it has been a favorite.  We also got Dominoes, Uno, Jenga, Rack-o, and several others. 

 

Grandma Herbert hooked the boys up with Legos.

 

post disaster picture. 
The family got those telescopes you see in the back.  My mom got the girls some kitchen accessories (you can see them by the telescopes) a toaster, blender, and mixer - Maddie plays with them all day in her kitchen in her apron - SO CUTE.  Brock also got a Rainbow Loom, Noah got more accessories for his Imaginex castle (best birthday present ever), Megan got puzzles, and Maddie got a doctor kit.

Christmas day was so wonderful.  We got invited to a brunch from a family in the ward.  I was unsure about going because I always make aebleskiver's for our Christmas brunch and the kids were already talking about them - but then she said SHE was making aebleskivers!  We ate the most yummy wonderful brunch (buttermilk maple syrup, sausage egg casserole, cinnamon buns, strawberries and whip cream, egg nog, etc)  Several other families were there.  It was really warm here and the kids played outside and jumped on the tramp and the adults played card games.  It was such a nice way to spend a relaxing Christmas morning.  Wish I would have taken my camera.

Then we ALSO got invited to Christmas dinner at another friend's house.  The Birtch's are AMAZING cook and we knew we must be in for a treat - but we had no idea how much.  He made the most amazing prime rib - seriously cooked to perfection - a baby with out teeth could have eaten this thing - it just melted in your mouth!  And Yorkshire pudding - it is like a roll but SO much more delicious.  And for dessert a real Yule Log.  Again - should have taken a picture.  Great company, wonderful food, lots of young children - another perfect wonderful Christmas evening. 

This is at our friends house for dinner (I swear they are all really happy :).

 

We missed our family a lot - but our new friends really made Christmas in Denver feel like home.

My Birthday

Jason has really learned how to spoil me on my birthday!  This year I got to have 2 birthdays.  My real birthday was on a Monday and since Jason works on Mondays (how rude) he did my 'take it easy and get spoiled day' on Sunday.  I got to sleep in (sing praises!) and he made me my favorite breakfast - milk mush (way more delicious than it sounds).  The children presented me with cards and beautiful dangly earing dripping with pearls and diamonds.  The boys saw them at Walmart and thought I would LOVE them.  Wow.  I would never go anywhere fancy enough to pull these things off.  But they really really wanted me to wear them to church that day and I couldn't disappoint them.  Coincidentally, and luckily, I was speaking in church that day and got to start off my talk by thanking my boys for my birthday present that they really wanted me to wear to church!  I got TONS of compliments from grinning moms. :)

 

For dinner he made my favorite: honey teriyaki salmon and herb garlic mashed potatoes.  He seriously rocks at this meal.

 

Then on my actual birthday he threw me a party!  Seriously.  Which if you know Jason is totally out of character and is actually the first party he has thrown since we have been together.  When I was in Salt Lake he texted me asking what I wanted to do for my birthday - date night? Group date? Girls night out with friends? or have some people over?  One thing the kids have been missing since moving away from family is family birthday parties - they were bummed to just call Aunt Ashley and their Grandpa Hanna on their birthdays and just say "happy birthday" - they wanted to sing and eat their cake.  So I thought having a few families over with all their kids would make the kids feel like we had a family party for me.  I assumed he would tell a few families at church to come over on Monday for some dessert.  When I got home I learned that he had made and colored invitations and hand delivered all of them to 10 families.  The invitations were hilarious and so cute and thoughtful!  I actually need to post it because I can not capture how sweet it was with words - it really shows a lot about Jason's personality.  Sadly I can't find one right now - but when I do I will post it.

 

He was stressed the whole week about the party.  Worried no one would come, we wouldn't have enough food (I told him he couldn't be worried about both) - he said this is why he doesn't throw parties, it stresses him out.

 

He brought home Chinese food on my actual birthday (my favorite take out) and then he came home and cleaned the house for my party.  Everyone he invited came (except one family who was on vacation).  We had like 10 families - most with 3-5 children.  I  think we had 28 kids under the age of 9!  It was crazy and wonderful.

 

The best part - it was a dessert buffet - my favorite thing in the whole world!

 

And to prove his love one last time he even went around the party and took pictures (which is one of the things he hates most in this world - taking pictures).

 

Thank you Jason for the best first birthday in Denver.  You have set the bar high and hope you get used to throwing birthday parties!