Having a baby

Women's Conference - 8 weeks - you can see if you look close.

One day before church - 12 weeks

I wanted to talk a little bit about our decision to have another baby.  This is, of course, from my perspective.  Jason has another side of the story.

First off, if we go in order, Jason and I decided we wanted to do foster care about a year after we got married.  It was a strange prompting.  We didn't have kids yet, we could have kids - why didn't we just have kids instead of foster?  We weren't sure, but we felt strongly that we should foster.  It took over a year to get certified.  On the day our file became active to take placements we found out we were pregnant with Brock.  They put our file on hold and told us they don't place kids in homes where the mother is pregnant or there is a baby under one (the foster child needs stability) - they said, "call us when  your baby is one".  Well.... if you know our story we never had a one year old and weren't pregnant.  But we kept our license up each year knowing we wanted to come back to it one day.  When we got pregnant with Madison we decided to let our license laps - knowing our hands were full and it would be years before we could foster again.  We decided that when our last child went into Kindergarten we would get recertified (because then I would have the time to go to all the classes again).  So it went on the back burner.

Backing up a little.  Jason and I never had a real vision for how many kids we wanted.  In the back of my mind (before having kids), I figured I would have 5 or so - but that is because most people I knew had 5 or so.  After we had Brock we sort of considered just having one - I mean - come on - how could we ever love anyone as much as Brock and we felt like our joy was full with just him.  We didn't need another.  But, of course, we really did want more.  Noah came quick after, and I found a pattern - when my babies were exactly 8 weeks old I wanted another, and another, and another.  I wondered if something was wrong with me.  Was I addicted to babies?  I seriously wondered and questioned my motives.  When I had Megan, I got that same feeling, "I want another baby" - but this time it was a little different, it was "I want one more".  I felt this time it would be different .  My fourth pregnancy felt more like I bookend rather than another brick, I never thought, "well next time..."  It felt final.  I talked about it that way too.  But in the back of my mind I wondered what would happen when Madison was 8 weeks old.  And true to inspiration 8 weeks came and went and I didn't want another.  1 year, 2 years, 3 years came and went and I felt complete, satisfied.  I knew that if or when the feeling came back we would probably have another one, but I wasn't sure the feeling would ever come, and when I prayed about it the spirit whispered, focus on foster care.  So we kept all our baby stuff, toddler stuff, and kids stuff - ALL OF IT - for the foster kids. And decided that the "having babies" part of our lives was over, "pending strong revelation" - of course.

The year Madison went into Kindergarten a few of my friends had their 5th child - and my heart ached a little.  When I heard of people having 5 or 6 kids I thought, "I want that" - but I dismissed those feelings, knowing that A) those feelings would most likely never go away becasue I enjoy having babies and I just needed to deal with the feelings and B)We were doing foster care.  So that year I went to our first foster care class.  I learned quickly that fostering in Colorado is drastically different than Utah.  The foster family has practically zero rights in Colorado.  We just didn't feel good about doing it in this state.  We needed more protections and support for our family and we felt like the system wasn't really set up to help the child or their family like it is in Utah.  It was a loosing game.  So we decided we wouldn't foster.

Through the 6 years between having Madison and deciding to have another baby I would often think, "I want another baby" - but as soon as that feeling came I could dismiss it with one thought, "Noah".  I knew I could raise another baby well.  I knew I could do it.  But I didn't think I could continue to raise all my other kids well.  I felt like some things would have to get put on auto pilot and in my heart I knew it would be Noah.  Mostly because of his placement in the family, Brock watches over him well (and since they are best friends it would be easy to just treat them as 1 child), he is easy to put off, he overwhelms me - so I want to put him off.  I knew that another baby would mean he (and a few of the others) wouldn't get what they needed.  I needed to take care of the kids that I had.

Then, one day in the late winter of 2017 I had the thought, "we should have another baby" - I dismissed it with the usual "It wouldn't be good for the rest of the family, it wouldn't be good for Noah" and the spirit whispered to me, "Or it is exactly what you all need.  Really think about Noah - this could change his life.  Noah LOVES babies and little kids, Noah loves to feel needed, trusted, and responsible, Noah loves to feel loved and looked up too - a new baby in the house could provide Noah with all of the things he is missing - naturally, without a chart or a program or something that he can tell is made up just for him".  My heart started to change.  I started to see all the good that would happen to our family if we had more kids.  But a new baby is not a puppy we give to a child to help them feel love and responsibility - I knew that.  I can't describe the feeling - but for a moment it was like I saw into eternity and caught a vision of our family and that it included more kids and how my older children needed those babies in our home.  Before this "vision" I just saw the negatives - but now I could only see the blessings.  I sat on the promptings for a few months - to see if they were real.  When we were in Fiji (summer 2017) I decided to tell Jason about my feelings.  After I "made my case" - he felt that same way.   We sat on it for a little while and kept talking about it.  We decided that we didn't want just one more - we wanted 2.  We knew from experience that 2 is better than 1.  If we were going to start all over it is just as easy (or easier) to do it with 2.  It would help us to get back into the baby world better and not just "get by" but "embrace" that new phase of life (again).  It felt unfair to have 4 so close together and then have just 1 all alone.  We made a deal that if we had 1 we would have 2 - NO MATTER HOW HARD IT WAS TO HAVE THE 1.  We promised we would hold each other to that deal - because in 5 years we would regret not having 2.  The best part about this whole thing - was that we could afford it!  Imagine that?!  Being able to afford a baby.  We scarcely knew what that would be like.  We have never had a baby and could afford it.  Maybe I could really buy some maternity clothes, or indulge in my cravings for Chinese food, or buy cute bedding for the crib!  It would be like having a baby as adults - not as "young adults" - it was thrilling.

Well... you know the story.  This year is not what we had envisioned.  I don't know exactly why.  I am sure I never will.  I am sure there is something refining about having the faith to move forward in the face of uncertainty and darkness.  But I/we do know how to do that.  It honestly doesn't scare us.  We have never regretted our decision to have a baby and we would still make that decision even knowing what we know now.

It is funny though, and completely predictable, that before you are pregnant you can only see the good things - and then the moment you are - you can't remember any of those and only see the bad things.  It happens every time so I don't give it too much power.  But it IS overwhelming to start again.  The thought of doing it ALL AGAIN - and twice!  I don't think about the twice thing much.  Even though we want 2 - I am going to just focus on the one - we might not get two.  But still  - we need to plan for it.  We can't fit 8 chairs around our table.  Our kitchen won't fit a bigger table.  I really want a bigger car - but I don't want a BIGGER car.  I love my mini van.  Anything bigger won't fit in our garage.  I am grateful to have 4 bedrooms upstairs.  And a great kids bathroom with 2 sinks.  Grateful to have a finished basement with a room and bathroom downstairs.  The kids are over the moon.  But that is another post.

Eliches

The first week of summer Krista invited us to Elich's -our Denver amusement park.  They got season passes again this summer and it came with several guest passes - so they got us all in for free!  It was a great way to kick off summer.

The park was pretty empty the whole day - so we got to ride some rides over and over again.   Because of the baby I didn't go on any rides (except the ferris wheel) so I took a lot of pictures of them on the rides).

The pictures aren't necessarily in order.  This was a few hours into our day.  Noah threw up in the bushes right after we got off this ride.  This was his last ride of the day. ha

Madison was our thrill junky.  She loved all the rides and wanted to go on everything.

This is one of their kids roller coasters. They rode it probably 5 times.  I took WAY too many pictures.  But their facial expressions were hilarious.  Each one unique to their personality.  

This was a HUGE ride.  It goes straight up and then drops you.   Madison was BARLEY big enough and was the only one that wanted to go on it.  Krista DID NOT want to go - but she did it for Madison.  Madison was elated.  

Before:

Going up:

This was coming back down after the drop.

Then we headed over the the water park.  Brock does not like water or swimming.  So Krista and he stayed in the amusement park and rode all the big roller coasters that none of the kids wanted to ride.  I took the kids to the water park.  We rode a few slides - but spent most of  the time in the wave pool.

Megan spent most of her time reading.

It was a great time.  (I still dress everyone in bright orange on outings like this - it really does make life so much easier.)

ready for summer

After I got home from Women's Conference I realized I needed to come up with a different chore chart plan for summer (and forever).  For the last few years I had been training my kids to do chores, and everything pretty much followed a pattern for when they got done.  But they only got done if I gave them a list, or Popsicle stick, or told them to do it.  When I was gone for a week I thought that basic jobs would still get done, and maybe even more then basic jobs.  But it didn't happen. I realized that they needed to have an understanding of when and how often things need to get done.  I don't have some sort of crazy fantasy that my children will just do things because they see they need to get done.  But I wanted a chore chart/schedule that didn't include me - that ran on its own.  They would know what needed to get done everyday - even if I wasn't home.  This will also serve us well when the baby comes.

We introduced it at a family council.  I also typed up and laminated HOW to do each chore - step by step, and then stuck them to the wall of the room where that chore needed to be done.

We are four weeks into summer and it is working like a charm.  Some days get skipped - which is ok - summer is also for fun and care-free time.  But most days don't get skipped.  I am surprised how little complaining there is.  Several of my kids get up before I do and start their stuff on their own.  I think that they can see their whole week helps, and that they know the night before helps, and that it isn't subjective to my mood or my opinion, it is on a laminated chart and just rotates - it is hard to argue with a chart. 

As far as activities go we have had our first different type of summer.  We truly don't really do activities or outings anymore.  (well, at least it started that way).  The kids have friends all over the place and they just want to play with them.  So the first 2 weeks of summer we mostly just hung around the house and the kids went in and out playing with friends.  Half way into the second week Madison was struggling.  She said, "We haven't done anything fun or gone on any outings, I want to go do those things."  I realized she is not to that place yet - she still wants to go do things.  So I told her she was right and I would take her on an outing everyday.  Since Jason is home most of the  time I can leave who ever wants to stay home (or at a friends house) and take who ever wants to go on an outing.  We mostly swim.  We have never hiked - I kind of don't want to because of the pregnancy - I am sure I could, but I am sure it would put me out the rest of the day.  We go to parks, the library, swimming pool, and bike rides.  I usually get 2 or 3 kids to come.  Every once in a great while I will get all 4 (plus a few friends).  Before the pregnancy I had planned a great summer, full of adventures, and big kid activities - but now we are just having an easy, lazy unscheduled summer.  And it is nice. 

Plus my house is SO clean and I don't do any of it!! 

Flag Football

One rule Jason and I decided on early in Brock's athletics was that we wanted him to only play one sport at a time.  He could play different sports different seasons - or year round.  But we didn't want over lap - we wanted to teach him commitment to a team and not missing a game of one team to go to another team.  

For the last several years Brock has chosen to play flag football in the fall and soccer in the spring.  Well, during the winter Jason and Brock decided that Brock was ready to try out for a competitive soccer team.  This would be a year long commitment (fall and spring seasons).  Brock was fine with that - but he wanted another season of flag football.  So instead of soccer for the spring he played indoor flag football and then tried out for a soccer team in May.  (He made the team and will start his first year of competitive soccer this fall - he is very excited).

He signed up with his good friend Cameron.

They had a GREAT season and a great time.  They killed almost every team they played and ended the regular season only losing 1 game by 1 point in the last 2 seconds.  They went to the play-offs and in the last championship game they played the team they had lost to.  They ended up losing the game by 4 points.  These pictures were taken right after the loss - which might explain the lack of smiles.  Regardless -they had a great season and Brock had a few great touch-downs, some pick 6's, and was great at defense (his favorite).  He loved playing with Cameron the most.

Announcement!

After a 7 year break we have decided to start again! Baby Herbert #5 due December 3rd. (We don't know the gender yet - a girl shoe was all I could find😁)

Last day of school

First Day of school

Last day of school.  As you can see Noah passed up Brock in height - and Megan is just behind him. (one concern that I have is my camera has seemed to loose quality in these 9 months - that is upsetting)

What a school year!  We ended 5th (Mrs. Harris), 4th (Mrs, Akin), 2nd (Mrs Henley), and 1st grade (Mrs Prins).  I love having them all in elementary school right now.  I really think they love it too.  They don't seem to bother each other much, but enjoy the benefits of having a sibling in almost every grade (they always get to get out of class to go watch plays, walk through displays, and they know almost everyone in the school - and everyone knows them).  I am sad this will only last one more year and am SO GRATEFUL we are in a district where 6th grade is still elementary.  

All in all I would say this was a successful school year.  We ended this year in a lot better place with Noah then we ended last year - although it is still a roller coaster.  He found 3 good friends this year: Riley, Jewel, and Marcus.  That has been really good for him.  He got a "wiggly" chair this year that helps him - it mostly helps him by not having to fight with his teachers about leaning back on his chair.  Brock found a new way of organization that seems to work well for him.  He spent most of the year typing all of his work - but hen towards the end of the year he has chosen to go back to writing - and it is legible some of the time (which is a nice improvement :)  I am nervous about next year with him - but am trying to take it one step at a time and keep it all in balance.  Megan thrived in second grade.  She has a group of about 6 girls that are all good friends.  She enjoys playing with them at school - but when she is home I have to LITERALLY push her out the door to do ANYTHING other than read.  She would sit on the couch and read books all day.  That is one thing every teacher says about my kids at parent teacher conference - I have to keep telling them to put their books away - they just want to read all day.  They sure didn't get that from me!  ha.  Madison found her stride in the "tree house" - what our school calls the special needs classroom.  They have become her best friends - in a trued friendship way - not a paternal, care taker kind of way.  She treats them as equals and has often said, "I don't know why people think they are different, I think they are just like me".  I can hardly walk through the school with out someone saying, "oh your Madison's mom, I have never met a child with a heart like hers".  That is a great parenting boost!

sicknesses

I just wanted to be a little prideful I guess and document that this was the worst cold and flu season in over a decade (maybe more).  EVERYONE got sick, everywhere you looked someone was sick.  My family did not get sick.  Honestly.  I know I wrote in my Women's Conference post that my kids were sick  - but they weren't really.  They threw up 3 times in about a 12 hour period (but felt fine in between) and then it was done.  We never went to the doctor, or missed school, or anything.  It was amazing.  Our ward and the neighborhood and the school were all infected and everyone around us kept getting sick.  I kept holding my breath and waiting for it.  I don't know if we were just blessed because we had a lot of other trials and Heavenly Father just gave us a pass on this one or if it is becasue of how well I try to feed my family (this is the prideful part).  I do believe that home-made chicken stock and a ton of fruits and vegetables really do make our bodies healthy and able to fight off sicknesses.  But I am grateful we had a great winter.

Soccer

Madison played soccer this season with her same team she has played with the last 3 seasons.  This season didn't quite turn out the same as the other seasons though.  When the kids are young all it takes to win a game is to have one (maybe two) kids on the team who are aggressive and understand what they are supposed to do.  We had about 5.  For 3 seasons we dominated.  Like, it would be 3 on 5, and we would end the games at halftime because the score was 20 to 0.  So they put us in a harder "flight" - but not just tone harder - they jumped us up 3 flights.  Come to find out - we are not that good.  This season we lost every game by at least 10 points (and those were the good games).  The best part was these girls still had fun and kept a smile on their faces.  Madison improved in a lot of her skills and is still really enjoying it.

She played with her good friend Ivy this year.  That was fun!

School programs

The last few weeks of school is full of projects and programs.  It seemed like I/we were at the school everyday the last few weeks.  

Here is Megan in her play about being grass:

Noah was a miner in a Colorado history play.  He had to do a rap and was awesome!

Brock had a science fair and a book report, Madison hatched chickens, and Noah had a mothers day breakfast, and there were other, smaller things that I can't remember.  What a good year!