Spring Break to Moab

I could write a whole novel about this trip.  The genesis of it and the deep contemplative thoughts that followed.  I am not sure exactly what I am going to have time to share, so this will be a journey for all of us.

Jason and I have always lived a very safe, easy life, especially when it comes to parenting young kids.  We didn't take our young kids camping or on vacations.  We didn't really take them to restaurants, movie theaters, or even keep them out late at night.  We would look at parents who do that and think "that's so selfish, take your child home and put them to bed".  90% of things people do with their children under the age of 5 is for the parent, not for the child.  

But we knew that those were the kind of things we wanted to do with our older children.  We knew blending young children and older children was going to be a challenge for us as parents and make us re-evaluate or at least re-prioritize our parenting paradigm.  Thanks to covid we actually haven't had to do that as much as we thought.  Things have stayed pretty safe, easy, and slow.  As spring break of 2022 approached everyone seemed to be asking us "where are you going for spring break?"  I automatically gave the same response I have been giving for 3 years, "we are staying home" - it seemed obvious to me that we weren't going to go anywhere.  But as I started to look around at my life I thought, "why not?"  We CAN do hard things.  It CAN be worth it.  It might not be easy, wonderful, or cheap - but if we don't do it we will waste the best part of our older kids' lives while we wait for the babies to grow up.  I expressed my feelings to Jason and he agreed.  He agreed on the trip idea, he less agreed on Moab, but I kind of had my heart set on it.  I wanted it to be 6 hours or less of driving (because I wanted to have those days as activity days as well), I wanted spring like weather, and I wanted them to climb on rocks - Moab seemed like the perfect choice.  And it was! 

As life would have it, things didn't turn out as planned.  We were supposed to leave early Wednesday morning and get there in time to do a hike in the evening.  Well... I-70 got shut down and we spent several hours at a Family Dollar in Gypsum and didn't get there until after dark.  It was ok.  We picked up some pizza and ate it at the condo and the big kids got in the hot tub.  We had a full day planned for tomorrow.  

Thursday morning I looked at my phone around 5:30 am to check the time and saw several missed calls and text messages - not a good sign.  Jason's dad had been admitted to the hospital a few days earlier to undergo a bone marrow transplant.  Plans had been made  for his mom, Debby, to stay in the hospital with him for 2 weeks during his "bottom" time and the Jason would go out for 2 weeks during his quarantined recovery time.  Well... during the night Debby tripped and broke her collar bone and leg in 2 places. She needed surgery and help, and Randy needed help.  We went into planning mode, what to do?  After a few hours of calling around and trying to find the cheapest/fastest/reasonable way to get Jason to Salt Lake we decided to send him on a shuttle to Salt Lake that left at 10:30.  

yep - he took a garbage bag as luggage.  Such a trooper - going to save his family.  Little did he know at the time the next 2 weeks would prove to be a very trying and stretching time.

Sigh.  Loosing Jason really let out any air that our vacation had.  The kids love Jason and he makes everything "more fun".  Plus he is a helper with the babies, and he is so capable.  Turns out the older 4 didn't have a lot of faith in me and my ability to still carry out the hikes.  Well, I, of course, had to prove them wrong.  I told them to get in the car, and although we have missed our Wednesday night hike and our Thursday morning hike, we weren't missing anymore.  Well... I should say that to be honest I couldn't hike with the 2 babies by my self (or at least the hikes we had planned).  I had to pull the boys aside and make sure they were willing and able to carry Dane as needed.  It was ok if they weren't, we could do other things.  They both assured me they wanted to "play dad".  And off we went.  

People honestly looked at me like I was crazy, and talked to me that way too.  Which was weird because we were in Utah.  But I guess most of the tourists were out of towners.  I have comments all day about how they were "all mine" or I was "all alone" or I "had my hands full".  It didn't bother me.  I felt like we were managing just fine.

Our first hike was amazing.   We only made it about .75 miles into a 3 mile hike before we had to turn around for the babies' naps.  Everyone agreed it was the right thing to do.  But the first .75 miles was totally worth it (as well as the drive in).  It wasn't in Arches.  It was another place called Hunter's canyon and we all agreed we would be back.  Everyone were happy hikers and the boys were awesome with Dane.

There was the softest sand in the world that Eve enjoyed. 

Then we went back to the condo for lunch, nap, hot tubbing, and reading.

Then we set out for what has become my favorite parenting day since having 6 kids.  I would learn a lot about myself over the next 9 hours.  I thought we were just going on a hike, but it turned out out to be much more transformative.  I remembered that I do love being a mother.  A real mother.  I love mothering my children.  I love being with my children.  Over the last 5 years Jason has been home 24 hours a day expect for 15 months (because of unemployment and then Covid)  and while I have LOVED it and wouldn't have it any other way, I have learned that it has "hurt" me more than helped.  It is good to do hard things.  And having Jason home makes it all so easy, so easy, to easy.  I have never really been alone with the 2 babies, or with Eve.  I don't have to figure things out.  I go run errands or go to lunch with friends during naps.  There is no really struggle.  I learned there were critical parenting muscles that I hadn't exercised in years!  It felt so good.  It felt good for it to be all up to me.  To make all the decisions.  To feel confident.  To have to trust myself and my kids. The joy I had been missing for a while came sweeping back and I learned to carry the full weight of motherhood.  I still haven't learned how to do this back in my everyday life.  The reality is Jason works from home, and having to do it myself when he is very available doesn't bring joy... just resentment.  So I am still figuring it out.  But for now it was a nice lesson I learned for myself.

But back to the hike.  We were just supposed to go on one small hike to Sand Dune Arch.  But it went so well and everyone love it so much they wanted to go on another, and another, and another.  We just kept going.  Everyone was happy and the weather was great.  

The kids played hide and seek.  Do you see Dane laying in the ditch?

See the tiny arch over Maddie's head?

Before we knew it is was 8:00 at night with no dinner (the babies go to bed at 7:00).  I took a vote.  Pick up fast food at eat it at the condo, eat food at condo (fastest way to get babies to bed), or go out to eat.  There was a lively discussion but we decided to do the brave/hard thing and go out to eat.  This is where all of the little "ah-ha" moments I had had all day came together.  Because of Covd and no family living around these babies have rarely missed a nap, been woken up, or had a late bed time.  I was not so sure a restaurant was a good idea.  Plus when we got there is was a 40 minute wait.  Then they only had 2 4 people tables instead of 1 8 person.  In my head I mapped out the reasonable thing to do.  1 baby at each table - split up the chaos and have the older kids help out.  Due to other circumstances the 4 older kids ended up at a booth and the babies and I were at another booth behind them.  I was about to get up and make the switch when the spirit stopped me and told me to leave it like this.  It was better.  It was better.  I sat and played with these 2 sweet, tired babies for over an hour and a half trying to keep them quiet and happy.  I had to reach deep into my parenting bag.  It was long, it was tiring, but I did it, and I did it pretty dang well.  In fact at the end of the night an old man came over to my table and said, "I saw you come in all alone with your 6 kids, we were about to leave but we stayed because we wanted to watch you and see how you managed, we thought it would be a disaster, we like watching people.  I have to compliment you on what a wonderful mother you are.  You handled everything so wonderfully.  We couldn't believe how well you handled the chaos but also how much love you had.  You're doing a great job."  wow.  That was straight form heaven.  It wasn't perfect, Dane sat in time our twice, Eve spilled every cup of water and ice they brought us, plus the salt and the pepper, and the ketchup.  To make it all better I could hear the 4 teens.  They were laughing and talking and weren't at all aware of us.  It was beautiful.  They weren't fighting or complaining.  They were just friends. Looking back that night feels sacred to me.   (some pictures - I never got a picture of the big kid table cuz I couldn't leave my table.  These 2 were intense.  We left at 10:00 - they had never been up that late)

We went back to the condo, put the babies to bed, big kids got in the hot tub and then at 12:30 am we left Brock at the condo with the babies and the rest of us went out to see the milky way.  We were told it was a "dark spot" place and we could see it.  Turned out to be fake news (at least that night) and despite a 40 minute drive into the desert, we never found any stars.  We got back around 2 am.  And we were off to bed.

Friday.  The plan was.... go back into Arches and do a few more hike and then leave late in the afternoon for home.  Well... at 8:00 am Friday morning the park was full... closed... grrr.  What to do?  We had a little council and sadly decided we would just head home.  What was supposed to be 3 days of activities turned into 1.  All that time driving and all that money for 1 day of hiking.  I felt a little defeated.  Dane was especially sad, he really wanted to hike again.  As we drove I saw a little mountain off to the side and decided to pull over.  It was a perfect mountain to climb up. So we did.  It wasn't mandatory.  You could stay in the car, which 2 of them opted to do, originally.  But by the end we were all on top of the mountain together.  Including Dane, who did it 100% by himself.

Then we were off - back to home.  The drive home went smooth, thankfully.  And Jason ended up staying in Utah for 2 weeks.  And I tucked the memories away in my heart and thanked Heavenly Father for giving me such wonderful children.