Grandpa Brown

We left on Monday (labor day) for the funeral.  We left Dane and Eve at home with Anna-May Ricks (a girl in our ward waiting to go on a mission).  We rented a Yukon and headed out.  

Here are some pictures of the tables "we" put together.  I say "we" because I was there, but I just sat there and watched.  It was really hard.  But sweet Madison came with me and she was my "hands and feet".  She helped unload cars, set up tables and chairs, and decorate tables. I am so glad she was willing to come and participate in that sacred space.  While we did that Megan, Noah, and Brock went with my dad to my grandpa's pear orchard and helped clean it up.  

I gave this map to my grandparents for a Christmas present one year.  

Noah's Birthday

What I left out in my previous post about my broken foot, what that on Sunday was Noah's birthday (2 days after breaking my foot and the day before we left for the funeral).  I didn't include it in my narrative because I was listing all the bad, stressful things, and Noah's birthday was not bad or stressful.  

Noah is wonderful and easy going.  He doesn't like a big fuss to be made over him.  He told me several times we could just skip his birthday.  His father would have none of that.  Jason did all the things.  He hung up his picture wall, put up streamers, made him a birthday breakfast, birthday dinner, and his cake.  It was low key, but this wasn't his year for a party anyways.  I was sad to not be a part of it. But glad he got to be celebrated.  

Noah at 15

• Noah is killing it at school this year.  From the very start of this year he has cared a lot and wanted to do well.  He hardly ever has a missing assignment.  His back pack is organized.  He is 100% in control of his own stuff.
•    All his teachers LOVE him.  At PTC they go on and on about how perfect he is.  He is the reason they went into teaching.  He is kind, mature, involved, inquisitive, interested, and laughs at their jokes.
• He has gotten back into playing the piano.  He took piano as a class at school and asked to restart again.  I love hearing him practice.  
• He manages his own time and does a lot of things.  He is probably our busiest child and he handles it all really well.  He keeps his own calendar and adds things to my calendar that I need to know about.  I don't keep track of any of his stuff and he gets everything done.  It is great.
• He asks me what he can do to help about 3 times a day.  Seriously.  
• He is the best with Dane and Eve
• He is self reflective and emotionally mature
• He is super funny.  Brock says he had great timing. 
• He has great hair.  It is just really naturally wonderful.  It falls really well.  He has a good part.  It is just great hair.  
• He wants to be strong and fit and does push ups every day.  
• I think he is my only child to have a true, genuine relationship with his Heavenly Father.
• quick facts:  He works at Windcrest as a server, he is co-lead lights in his high schools tech department, he has 2 honors classes, he is in choir, he has a lawn mowing business, he has been teachers president in 2023, he enjoys camping and building fires, he takes piano, he helps an elderly neighbor with yard projects constantly, he loves to play video games, he still likes legos and card board crafting sometimes, he enjoys walking (or riding bike) home in the dark, most of  the family drives him crazy.

 

I broke my foot and other things

It was Wednesday, August 30th.  I was picking up Megan, Liesel, and Clair from soccer practice.  A few weeks earlier Jason had started his new teaching schedule.  He took on 3 classes, which meant he would be gone 3 nights a week.  I was so up for the challenge.  While I have LOVED Jason being home since Covid started and my hardest days are the days he has to go in office, I recognized a few years ago that it isn't good for me.  I was excited a the thought of having to "figure things out" and do hard parenting things.  We were about 2 weeks into, what we thought would be, our normal fall schedule.  The kids had started school, Jason was working 3 days a week in office, and taught classes 3 nights a week (those days/nights were not the same), Brock had soccer everyday after school and worked a bit, Noah had Tech everyday after school, therapy, and worked a bit, Megan had Drama a few days after school and soccer twice a week, and Maddie was focused on her friends after school and had soccer twice a week.  

Somedays Dane and Eve were in the car for 2 hours straight jus driving kids back and forth.  Even though Brock has a drivers license it didn't help because we don't have a third car and because we have some car pools and he can't drive the other kids.  However, like I said, I was up for the challenge.  I was going to work hard during nap times and have dinner ready for kids coming and going, play at parks at practices with the babies, and get some good bonding time in the car with my older kids.  

Back to Wednesday, and picking up the girls from soccer.  On the way home, while turning into Liesel's street a 17 year old boy on his way to lacrosse practice ran into me.  It wasn't hard, no one was hurt, but my car was all smashed up.  Luckily we had several members of the ward who saw and were able to take the girls home and I spent the next 3 hours, dealing with his mom and the police.  Everyone was nice (except the police man) and it looked like it would all work out ok.  But we might be without a car for a little while.  Obviously, for a family of 8 having a large car is pretty important.  

Then, the next day, Thursday, I was having some women over for our weekly conference study group.  It is during Dane and Eve's nap so we can study without being interrupted.  This week it was just Christina, Marisa, and Mandy.  I heard Dane open the door so I *tried* to quickly run upstairs before he came out to far and saw I had people over, but when I was making the turn to go up the landing, I guess my foot didn't turn as fast as my body, and I came down, hard, on the side of my foot.  I collapsed and screamed in pain immediately.  

My friends carried me to the table and we continued our study with some ice on my foot.  After they left I eventually got up when Dane and Eve woke up and started cleaning up the house and making dinner.  My foot hurt like crazy, but I could stand and cook or do dishes without putting any weight on it.  But as my teens came home from school and Jason came off of work and they looked at my foot they assured me it was broken and I needed to go to the hospital.  Brock had a soccer game at 6 I didn't want to miss, so at 3:30 Krista took me to Urgent care for an x-ray.  And sure enough it was broken.  Very broken.  Even the tech (who isn't supposed to say anything said, "wow, that is bad".  Great.

I had been cleared for 3 weeks to "live life normal" since my knee surgery.  Eventually I saw the doctor and he confirmed it was broken, bad.  I would need surgery, a few pins, and be non weight bearing for at least 2 months.  I cried.  I said, "but I just got cleared to start running" and he said "oh, you won't be running for a long time".  I cried more.  (not that I run... for exercise, I run with my toddlers, and I run into appointments I am late for, and I run up my stairs, and... well... it is just symbolic).  I had already lost 6 months with my toddlers.  I cray every time I think about or talk about it.  I am crying right now.  Why?  I had such big plans for our fall.  Our spring and summer was a bust because of me.  All summer I told them that in the fall we would go to the zoo (I bought an annual pass just 10 days earlier), go to lair of the bear, go hiking, and do ALL the things.  It would be my last fall with them.  Next fall Dane will be in Kindergarten and the next fall Eve will be.  This was it.  Spring isn't the same as fall.  It is wet and muddy, even if it is nice.  Summer is hot, and I have the teenagers.  This was it.  This was my last time.  And I lost it.  It is over.  Their last year with me at home slipped through my fingers.  I felt empty.  I still feel empty.

It was then that my phone rang.  It was my mom.  Immediately the reality of what my broken foot had just cost me set in.  I guess I didn't start the story at the beginning.  I started on Wednesday.  But on Tuesday when I was at the pool with Dane and Eve my mom called to tell me that my grandpa was dying.  It wasn't surprising.  It was a relief.  But it was still heart wrenching.  My cousins (I am one of 3 cousins who don't live in Salt Lake County, there are 23) have all been coming to say good-bye.  His death was eminent and they were contacting the out of state grandchildren to see if we could make it to say good bye or at least start planning a trip to Utah in the next few days for the funeral.  My heart ached to be in Utah.  Jason and I had been going back and forth about whether or not I should go out to say good bye, luckily I had just seen him 3 weeks earlier when we went to our 20th reunion.  But regardless we agreed that as soon as he died I would go ahead of the family and spend time with my family and helping where I could.  So when I saw my mom's name come up on my phone my heart sank.  She told me what I already knew.  My grandpa had died about an hour earlier.  How soon could I come out?  

Here was my reality.  It was the Thursday before Labor day weekend.  We didn't have a car that our family could fit in to make the drive to Utah.  We would need to get  the accident processed and get a rental car BEFORE Saturday so we would have one to drive to Utah for the funeral on Tuesday.  I needed to see a foot surgeon before Saturday because if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to see one for over a week and the Urgent care doctor said that was too long for that bad of a break and I would need a hard cast for traveling.  I knew I couldn't go ahead of my family.  I couldn't even take care of myself or my family.  I can't go to Utah and "help", I can't go and be a burden to my mom or sisters.  I was going to have to sit this one out.  I was going to have to drive in for the viewing and drive home right after the luncheon.  In and out.  Just make an appearance.  But here is the thing.  I didn't plan on breaking my foot.  I was in the middle of projects.  When I had my knee surgery I had planned for it.  It was prepared to take a few weeks/month off/easy.  This just happened, in the middle of my day.  And now I needed to get my family of 8 packed up and off to Utah, and deal with insurance, and find a rental car, and find a foot surgeon all in about 18 hours.  What about Jason you ask?  Well... Jason is amazing in every way, and stepped in and stepped up where he could.  But we had intentionally over booked him.  He was drowning in his own stuff.  He had a very stressful full time job that he was very busy at in the moment, he had 3 classes that had to lesson plan, grade, communicate, etc for, plus he was teaching seminary and an emotional resilience class.  The car, the foot, the funeral.  This was my circus.  

As Krista drove me out of the parking lot I glanced at the time and realized it was half time at Brock's soccer game.  I asked her to drop me off.  She thought I was crazy.  I didn't care.  Going home to 5 kids sounded crazier. 

Here I am at the soccer game.

And then the next day at home.

As these stories often go everything worked out.  We got a rental car.  I found a foot surgeon.  I ended up not needing foot surgery and I COULD be weight bearing for a a few hours a day.  We got a babysitter for Dane and Eve and the 6 of us drove to the funeral.  Jason made sure I was involved in everything I could be and accommodated my every desire.  It is now 4 days away from 2024 and I still can't "live life normal" but he thinks in about 3 weeks I will be able to.  But I can finally do most things.  

I am still not 100% sure why 2023 turned out the way it did.  Why did He bench me for a whole year?  What was I supposed to learn?  I think it ruined my toddlers and my teens.  I feel like every relationship that I had with my kids, my friends, or my family is worse than it was in 2022 (including my relationship with God).  Jason is the exception.  We are better, way better.  But I don't think the knee/foot had anything to do with it.  I tried though.  I tried really hard.  I did the best I could.  

 

Saying Thanks

My children had such wonderful experiences at their church camps this summer.  I am not sure how I can thank the leaders who are changing and shaping them.  They give so much and sacrifice so much all for other peoples kids.  One Sunday we made a bunch of treats and everyone picked 2 leaders and wrote thank you cards to them and then we delivered them.  It was a small gesture, but the least I could do.

 

 

End of summer activities

We stopped at the temple one afternoon.  We saw spider man there.  So that was really cool! :) 

I was pretty particular about the dinning room table that we got, so particular that we ended up getting one custom made.  I especially wanted this board across the bottom because I could imagine little kids (mine or my grandchildren) lining up animals on it or driving cars.  So seeing this one morning made my heart swell.  I knew they would like it!

Dane and Eve haven't been allowed down stairs much in their life, but they are starting to be able to more and more - and sometimes unsupervised.  They both love to play with the Legos and they are pretty great with them as well.  They have almost never ruined any of the older kid's creations and play very gently.

We went to Chuck E Cheese one morning.  

This is from open gymnastics at Active Athletics

Both of them have gotten really into puzzles  

I turned the corner at the library to find this:

I love that my children love to read.  I am not a huge reader myself, but I learned the importance of early literacy in college and have gone to great lengths to insure they grew up in a print and literacy rich environment and it has paid off greatly!  

Eve learned how to climb the spider web at the library.  She was very very proud of herself.  

We  spent a week making some epic train tracks 

This is my favorite summer time snack!  

And we got one last pool trip in.  We love going to the pool after school starts and it is just us!  

 

Dane goes to Preschool

Mr. Dane started preschool this fall.  He is the first of my children to "attend" a preschool.  Neither of the  boys went to preschool (both because of our lifestyle and finances.  I had my hands full and taking a kid and picking them up seemed unnecessary, I loved having them all home and taking them on outings on our schedule, and I ran my home mostly like a preschool) and the girls went to "my" preschool.  And while I found my preschool to be fantastic and the best education for a 4 year old, it is proven (by me) that children just do not learn from their parents like they would from another adult.

Well... for a few reasons I VERY RELUCTENTLY let Dane go to preschool.  The main factor is that Colorado made preschool free, and while I hate it and think it is terrible for society at large - it is nice.  And he *might* have to go to all day kindergarten next year and it isn't fair to him to go from full time at home one day to full time at school the next.  He needed an ease in.  Because of the bureaucracy of free preschool I couldn't just "sign him up".  It took hours and hours trying to get him into the preschool I wanted him in.  It was supposed to be the best.  It is fine.  But not what I hoped for him.  

It is hard to say how he feels about it.  He was VERY excited to go.  He is great while there and seems to love it.  He comes home happy, talks very positively about preschool, and once we are in the car he is happy to go and goes right in.  But from 7:30 am - 8:45 he all but refuses to go.  It takes so much mental and emotional gymnastic work to get him to be willing to go AND for him to be ready to go by 8:45 that it is exhausting.  If this is how he is 5 days a week next year it could be the end of me!  Most days we are about 3 minutes late, which I hate.  I have tried every conceivable parenting method to help him.  Nothing has worked.

He goes to St. Luke's, a Methodist church, has Mrs. Lindy and is in the "Lama" class with 7 other students.  I was told at parent teacher conference that he is the most mature and smartest in the class and will help the other kids at the centers if they don't know how to do something.  

Eve misses him a lot and about every hour or two she says "I miss Dane". 

She was so thrilled when we picked him up after the first day.  He as so cute and gave her a big hug as soon as he saw her.  He does feel so big going and that is adorable.  

 

Swimming with Mads

Over labor day weekend we got Maddie to go swimming with us for one of our outings!  They have been wanting to check out the pool with the "obstacle course" that they see in the blog books.  It was a hit.  They loved it.