Day four

On Monday Jason started back his normal 8 - 5 shift, Monday thru Friday.  For the past month he has either been on paternity leave, or working his graveyard shift - which still made him be at home during the days to help out.

So I am now doing this all day on my own.  I was excited and a little nervous.  It took me four days to break.  On Thursday I had to physically stop myself from calling Jason crying admitting that we had made a terrible mistake.  Instead I sent this text, "I don't think I am very good at this."

I had planned this blog post all day.  And through out the day the post changed.  The day started on a positive note.  Wednesday went well.  I had taken the kids to Reams, Target, and then to the park.  It was my first errand running with all four kids and it all went off with out a hitch.  I was feeling pretty optimistic about my ability to plan and carry out activities with the kids.  So when Brock suggested a trip to the library on Thursday morning, I thought it was a good idea.

Background:

Our mornings are hard.  Madison is usually awake all morning.  From about 7 to 10.  This is "busy" time for us, breakfast, bathing, getting ready, cleaning, etc.  So trying to do it all with all four of them... plus I can't put Madison down for two reasons 1)right now she is only content being set down for about 3 minutes while she is awake.  I am confident this will pass, but for now it is my reality.  And 2) Megan is just too "into" her.  Megan can climb to every surface in our house, so Madison can only be safe in my arms or behind a shut door.  So from 7 to 10 I am trying to accomplish everything while holding Madison.  But after 10 she usually sleeps for about 5 hours.

So we left for the library at about 10:30 and I expected her to sleep until about 3.  I will spare you the details of what happened in the library.  But needless to say I left feeling defeated.  I should have just aborted the mission as soon as things went south.  But I wanted to try and recover.  Recovery was not possible and at every turn things got worse.  I cried on the way home.  Mostly because Madison was screaming.

We got home, had lunch, fed Madison, and took naps.  I felt dejected, alone, and lost.  Megan was the first to wake up.  We went downstairs and I decided I wasn't going to let our morning ruin our day.  I was alone with my 16 month old, I never ever get Megan alone - I wanted our time to be worth it.  So I decided to make cookies with her.  First time just me and her had ever made cookies.  It was so fun and totally lifted my spirits. 

She was a great helper and so obedient. 

I realized that the success of my mothering is going to be found in my little moments with each child.  I needed to take the time to be with each of them doing something developmentally appropriate every day.  It will be in those moments, if I truly immerse myself in them, that will make this adjustment time do-able.

The best part about it all is that I have done it before, and not that long ago, so I remember each of these stages in my other children very vividly and I know these hard times will pass.  I am confident my days will get smoother and we will come out on the other end of this better and happier than when we started. 

Fail

You may be in for some long narrative posts in the future - all mostly about my feelings and happenings with my "adjustments" - so if you don't care - don't read my blog for a few months.  I really want to capture how these early months are with so many young kids (haha - sounds like I have 20).

Before we decided to get pregnant again with our fourth I was very aware and thoughtful about what it was going to do to our family.  One of the big considerations was ensuring that we still maintained self reliance.  I don't mean monetarily (although that was true also) - I mean emotionally and physically.  I didn't want to turn into one of those "crazy" moms.  You know the ones I am talking about.  Always late, always forgets to bring things, never knows where their kids (or things) are, always have a frazzled look on their face, house always a mess, and complain about their life at the first chance they get.  Now - don't get me wrong, I have been known to borrow a diaper from another mom at the library because I didn't pack one, or want to pull my hair out at the next child who whines at me.  But for the most part I have always felt like I had things "together" and I didn't want that to change.

So last week was Brock's first soccer game - and I had to take him - alone - with all the kids.  Jason was at work and this was really the first time I had taken the kids out by myself.  (My parents met me there - I just had to get us all out of the house... sounds simple enough).  The game was at 6:30 and I started slowly "preparing" things around 5:00.  Brock was "suited up", diaper bag was getting packed, etc.  I felt good about everything and thought we were going to be there with bells on about 10 minutes early.  Some how that didn't happen. 

I knew Maddie would want to eat at 6:30 so I had decided I was going to do a bottle at the game.  Well - at 6:10 she woke up and really wanted to eat.   So I made the RASH decision to feed her.  While I was doing that - shoes that had previously been put on were being taken off - things in the diaper bag were being unpacked.  I realized half way through my feeding that I could not feed her and get to the soccer game in time.  I was so stupid.  I took her off and shuttled the kids into the car. 

We got to the game about 5 minutes late, forgot: the bottle, Brock's water bottle, Brock's shoes, and... something else, I can't remember. Plus the house was not clean when we left (something I always try to do).  Fail.

I was frazzled.  I hate being frazzled.  I hate being "that" woman.  But I was.  And I could NOT have survived the soccer game with out my parents being there.  So much for self reliance.

Today I have a chance for redemption.  He has his game again.  I am, again, alone.  And this time my parents are not coming.  I will let you know how it goes.

Down Town

During Jason's paternity leave he had to go into work to turn in some paper work.  He works down at the Gateway so I thought we would make it our daily activity.

We started out at the Gateway.  Me and the kids were supposed to play around the fountain area while Jason went into work for a few minutes.  There are no pictures of this event because soon after Jason left me things went south.  I will start off by saying that this was my first time out with all four kids alone - and Jason had talked me into not bringing a stroller (mistake #1).  Madison was in her wrap and asleep - so I figured everything would be fine.

Then Noah said he had to go to the bathroom - RIGHT NOW!  We went into a few stores but they all said we couldn't use their bathrooms - we had to use the official Gateway bathrooms - really?  Four kids, a new baby, and a potty training toddler and you are not going to let me use your bathroom?  What ever.  I found a map and saw that the closest bathroom was up a level and down a little.  Remember - no stroller.  I tried herding them - like cattle - to follow me.  It only took a few minutes to realize this method was not going to work.  Noah was sitting on the ground yelling that his pee was "coming" and Megan would not listen to a word I said - thank goodness for my obedient Brock.  AHH.  So I picked Megan up and grabbed Noah's hand.  This is where things got ugly.

Megan did not want to be picked up and started kicking, hitting, and screaming.  Totally kicked and hit Madison and woke her up.  She is now screaming.  Oh - and I have my HUGE diaper bag that I am carrying around.  Megan would have to walk.  And now... it is raining.  After about 5 - 8 minutes of "come on" "follow me" keep walking" "do not pee your pants" "keep holding it", not to mention a few threats and possibly a bribe here and there - we all got to the bathroom.  The non-working, under construction bathroom.  Wonderful.

Back out to the rain.  At this point Noah is crying and grunting because he has to go so bad - I was wondering what the fine would be for peeing on a tree at the Gateway.  But I think he actually has to go number two - from the grunting and the faces he is making.  I am in a panic - Megan still not listening to a single word I am saying - Madison still crying.  We found an information booth and they pointed me to the next bathroom.  Down the street and around the corner.  More herding, threats, bribes, and of course, words of encouragement to Noah.  Madison still screaming, and it is still raining, mind you.

Get to the bathroom.  No stroller to strap Megan down in - so she is running into the stalls putting her hands in, on and all around the toilets and LAYING on the ground.  Perfect!  But I have to focus on Noah right now so I just let it ride.

I get Noah on the potty and he... wait for it... holds his tummy in instead of down and he he pees straight out (if you have boys you get what I am saying) - peeing on my face, my hair, Madison, himself, his pants, and his shoes.  I about lost it.  It took all my strength not to cry.  We just had to get out of there.  At this point I am vowing not to ever leave my house again until Madison is two and Brock and Noah are in school and wondering if I have ruined my family.

We get back down to the fountains and the kids are happily playing - the rain has stopped and I get Maddie back to sleep.  Then Jason shows up.  I informed him that although it appears as though we are the same as when we left.  We surly were not.  He thought my story was pretty funny.  I assured him it was not!


I recovered from my emotional breakdown and the rest of our day was wonderful.  Next we went and rode tracks to temple square.  The kids loved it.

We played around temple square for about an hour - this is one of my favorite things to do.  I tried getting some good shots of my kids.  So enjoy the over load of pictures!

Hard to get Megan to look up - she just wanted to pick flowers and play in the water.

Perfect picture - could have been for Christmas cards - if Noah would have just been sitting closer to us, should have put him on the other side of Jason - sad. 

Noah at Three

I love my Noah.  He is so sweet and melts my heart every day.  He was about the cutest little two year old you ever saw- I am sad that he is not two any more.  Three will be fun - but three seems so old - I liked having my cute little two year old boy.  I could pass off bad behavior by saying, "he is only two" - but it feels like I have to expect more from a three year old.  Good thing he is good most of the time. 

He has grown up a lot in the past few months.  One big change is his eating habits.  He used to be the SLOWEST eater.  It would take him an hour and a half to eat dinner - and not because he didn't like it, I think he just really enjoys the eating process.  But lately he has been beating Brock at finishing his meals. 

A little while ago I went and read the post I did when Noah turned one.  I realized he is still pretty much the same boy that he was when he was one.  Mainly that his smile is of pure joy and happiness, he really values his alone time, and he loves his mother.

Some other things about Noah

• He is very focused in his play time.  He can play with his trains, tractors, or cars for hours - just shutting the rest of the world out.  He is very detail oriented in his play and concentrates so hard on the things he is doing.
• He is very smart.  This boy is not going to Kindergarten for 3 more years because of his birthday being where it is and he is definitely already at Kindergarten level.  Not because of ANYTHING I have done.  He is just like a sponge - has been since he was born.  He knew all of his letters - upper case and lower case, and all of their sounds by 16 months - he surprises me everyday with things he knows.  He is more shy and introverted - so he rarely shows how smart he is - but if you pay attention to him you will see it.
• He loves his siblings.  Brock is his best friend.  He truly doesn't know what to do with himself when Brock is not around.  They hardly ever ever fight and Noah looks up to him so much.  He is so good to Megan - especially since Megan's favorite thing to do is tease Noah and make him cry - Noah hardly ever retaliates and I don't thinks has ever been purposefully mean to Megan - he loves when she is around and makes her feel like the queen when ever she walks into the room.  He has loved having Madison in our home.  He would sit and hold her and look at her and bring her toys all day if he could.

Happy Birthday Noah!

Noah's Birthday

Noah turned three last Saturday.  He has been planning his birthday party since Brock's birthday back in April.  He has been wanting a "Bob the Builder" birthday - I kept trying to talk him into a "Thomas" themed party (easy cake) - but he refused.  At the last second he changed his mind and was adamant about a "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle" themed party (although he calls them "Ninja Ninja Turtles").  It was more difficult to pull off since they don't make any TMNT stuff - so I had to come up with my own things.

The birthday boy with his cake - and some cute faces.

This is a great Noah face - so cute with just an edge of mischievous

His mouth is supposed to be a snarl - but it didn't turn out the way I envisioned.

A mural of his photos.  Jason colored the turtles from a pattern I found online.

The fam.  Actually it is our first family picture with Madison.

We had our my family and Jason's family over - Noah got some wonderful presents.

Mostly train items.  This boy loves his trains and train tracks.  He got several new pieces for his train tracks and he plays with them for hours.

I gave the boys bandannas to dress up like the ninja turtles.  They loved them.  I messed up and got a yellow bandanna instead of orange.  I guess I am not as versed in the ninja turtle department as I should have been.

Noah spent the rest of the party playing with his new train pieces.  He didn't even have a piece of his own birthday cake. I could not DRAG him away from his train tracks.  I love it!  Nothing makes me happier than seeing my children doing something they love - and it always feels good when you get them a present that they love.

First family outing

Jason has started his two weeks of PATERNITY leave.  That is right - his company give hims 2 weeks of paid paternity leave - it's like we are living in Europe :).  It has been so nice - although he was at work the first week  I was home, so I am feeling much more into the swing of things and am ready to "get back in the game".  So we headed to Wheeler Farm.

Megan gets more and more fun every time we go to an activity.  Last time we were at Wheeler Farm (about 6 weeks ago) she was in the stroller most the time and seemed quite like a baby.  Now she is like a girl - no stroller, throwing rocks, and finding sticks just like her brothers.

Jason spent his time finding rocks for the kids to throw in the river.

Doesn't he make a good single dad?

This site made me laugh - when I do it Brock will not be riding on my shoulders - he will be walking.

This picture sums up what my last week has been like with Jason home.  He is basically doing everything.  He gets up and showered in the morning before the kids get up, then he gets them all up and gets them breakfast.  I get out of bed and come downstairs when ever I am good and ready.  My only job is to feed and take care of Madison.  Jason makes all the meals, cleans every thing up, does all the activities for the day, puts the kids down for naps, keeps them all on their schedules, not to mention laundry, vacuuming, and whatever else needs to be done.  PLUS he takes wonderful care of me.  Every hour or so he brings me a meal or a snack to make sure I am hitting my calories to keep my milk, I don't even ask, he just shows up with a snack for me.  And on top of that he will randomly bring me a glass of water to drink on top of keeping my water bottle full and cold 24/7.  He also makes sure that he spends time with Maddie every day - he wants to make sure he knows how to take care of her and what she likes. 

So basically he is perfect and I am so grateful for him.  He has made having this fourth child so easy and manageable.  Thanks babe!

Maddie's first time in the wrap.  She loved it.  Slept the whole time.

Then we of course had to go throw rocks in the big river.

Faces of Brock and Maddie

As I said earlier Maddie looks a lot like Brock.  Well at least the first 24 hours of life.  She has changed a lot since she was born.  But that first day was so weird to look at my little girl and see Brock staring back at me.  Here are some comparison shots to show you how much they looked alike.

Maddie right after birth

Brock right after birth

Maddie

Brock

Maddie

Brock

Maddie

Brock