Quick update

So I have been anticipating this post for a while... but now that I am finally able to post about it, I haven't. I just haven't had the words, and it was so anti-climactic that it just did not seem worth it. But here it goes.

For those of you who don't really know what has been going on the past few months - here are the main points.

• Jason graduated in December
• He applied to medical school but did not get in
• He has decided to not reapply
• He has been looking for a job since December (huge family trial)
• He got a job and started last Monday (huge family blessing)

• I had my graduation exit interview on Thursday and as soon as I finish my independent study math class I am graduated!
• I am still working from home (HUGE family blessing)
• I was released from my RS calling (second counselor in the RS presidency)

• Brock loved having BOTH his parents home ALL day for 4 months
• Brock is having a hard time adjusting to just mom being at home and not getting whatever he needs/wants whenever he needs/wants it.
• Brock turned 1 last week

• We have been incredibly blessed by the Lord these last few months - and strongly feel like we are doing what we should be doing (despite it wasn't what we THOUGHT we should be doing)
• We are here in Provo for a few more months (arg), hopefully until we save enough for a down payment on a house (maybe August?!?)

I know many of these points deserve much more detail/feelings/pictures, many of them I will do posts on later. I just wanted to get all that info out there.

Getting excited for baby #2

I know I am a few months away, but I am getting so excited for baby #2. I have been having dreams about my two kids and it is wonderful. In my dreams it is a boy (I don't feel it is spiritually motivated though (I did with Brock), I just think it is a boy), but I would be excited for a girl.

I just wanted to express my anticipation. To be honest, the thing I am most excited about is the delivery. I am just so excited to labor and deliver - I know that sounds crazy to most people - but I felt like it was the most spiritual and emotional thing in the whole world - and the moment they lay that baby in your arms... there is NOTHING in the whole world better than that moment. I am just so excited thinking about it. I can't really describe why I am so excited about the delivery, I was so excited for Brock's delivery, and although it was definitely hard (I pushed for 4 hours and then ended up using forecepts), I loved working hard to bring my baby into the world. I can't describe it. I have had a glimpse into what Luke meant when he said, "Mary kept these things and pondered them in her heart." I just loved the whole childbirth process, the pregnancy, the birth, and of coarse the best part - the baby!

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was definitely nervous about having them so close. But now it doesn't even cross my mind, and just can't wait. I found myself thinking, why don't I already have another baby - do I really have to wait 5 more months.

Another good thing about your second baby - is that pregnancy is more real. I mean sure, when you are pregnant with your first, you know there is a baby in there, but you don't REALLY KNOW what the means - you don't REALLY know how much you are going to love it. But now I know that my baby is really in there, and what it will feel like when I see him (or her) and how much I will love him (or her). So to sum up this post - I am so excited!

Brock's One Year Old Pictures

My cousin gave me a $100 gift card to Kiddie Kandids at one of my showers before Brock was born. I decided to use it for his 1 year pictures. I did not really have a good experience there, I got some cute pictures, but I told the photographer what I wanted, and I did not really get that. But they are cute.

If we say "Brock give ____ a hug", this is what he does - super cute! He gives GREAT HUGS!

I hated that his hand and finger are up in this picture - but then I realized it is like he is holding up the number "1" - for 1 years old - so i guess it is ok. (Thanks Grandma for the outfit)
Darling!
His pensive face

(Thanks Ashley for the outfit!)

This is not really my style - a little cheesy - But his expression is just so darn cute!

The cycles of clothing...Is it worth it?

Last January (6 months pregnant with Brock)
Before

After

(repeat)

(these are models - obviously)

So I pose a question to all women (especially those who have had a child or two), is it worth it to re-do your wardrobe every pregnancy cycle?

Today during the conference break I got out all my maternity clothes, and packed away all my "normal" clothes, and I felt like, "Didn't I just pack these away?" and "I am just going to pack them away again in a few months." The most prominent example of the frustrations are my "under clothing". I wore maternity last year, and than for the past year I have been wearing nursing, and then last Tuesday I stopped nursing and FINALLY got to wear "normal" ones again, and then today I got out my maternity again because I can't keep them tucked in! And this cycle will just repeat for the next 5 or more years! Is it worth it? And the same with Bra's, between nursing, pregnancy, and non pregnancy my size fluctuates about 2 or 3 cups, how many different size bra's does a girl need to buy??

And when I ask, is it worth it? I am not asking is pregnancy and children worth it? Because the answer is obviously yes, I am asking is the constant switching worth it? I don't have dresser space or closet space to keep both out, but I think I might as well purchase an extra dresser and just keep nursing/maternity clothes in it year round, and that way I am always ready, and don't have to spend 1 day a year packing maternity clothes away, and another whole day a few months later getting them all out again.

Many of you might be thinking, easy solution..."Don't get pregnant a few months later!" And my answer to that is... ?? "I don't need to explain my life :)" Plus I love being pregnant, I love my maternity clothes, and I love being a mom, so I don't see a down side. (except for the above rant)

Thoughts from a mother's heart

I have just put Brock to bed, and have a very strong desire to express the feelings of my heart. I love being Brock's mother, I love my role as a mother. Sometimes I just feel like I can't hug him enough, or kiss him enough, and I definitely don't have the words to describe what I feel inside my heart every time he looks up at me and smiles. I almost feel like his smile, his laugh, could just heal any part of me that is sad, or lacking, or incomplete. I am reminded of a scripture in Alma where he (Ammon) says that his joy was so great it consumed his soul and made him weak. I have felt that joy and am blessed to feel it on a daily basis, and feel it every time I have the sense to put down my to-do list and just play with Brock. I love just being on the ground with him playing - nothing makes me so happy.

I know this is cheesy, but once I put Brock to bed, I felt the way that you feel in Fast and Testimony meeting when you know you need to bear your testimony, I just had to tell someone (and in this case - everyone) that I love my son and I love being a mother. I am more grateful than I can express for Heavenly Father giving me the chance to feel this kind of love, and I am grateful for this child inside of me (and others to come), because now I know what special spirits they really are, and I love them already. Thank you for humoring me and reading this.