What your laundry says about you

I just finished doing my laundry from last week and putting it away. There was something very disturbing I discovered while putting it all away. The only clothes I had worn last week were pj's and sweat pants. The boys had only worn the same - and Megan had about 10 onesies. The worst part is as I reflected on my week (had we been sick?, was it bad weather?, etc) I remembered actually DOING things. We went to the library on Monday, Young Womens and errands on Tuesday, had friends over on Wednesday and Thursday. I am trying hard to blame Jason - after being with someone for over 9 years, bad habits are bound to rub off. (For some of you new friends - read this post to get to know my husband - I suggest reading the comments also - for proof).

But I don't thing I can blame Jason entirely - I will admit I am in a funk. My daily outings have been reduced to weekly outings. It is cold, Megan is on a complete opposite sched than her brothers, and she is in that stage where cars and strollers are hard. Lucky for me I know this phase is temporary and she will be fun again just in time for early spring.

My goal next week - to have to hang up some shirts of mine - and maybe a pair of Levi's.

Also on a completely unrelated topic- remember how I used to take pictures and post about them. Boy is January a lame blog month - you get all my random thoughts instead of cute pictures of my kids. Promise they are still cute. After the bazillion pictures I took in the month of December I think I subconsciously took a photo hiatus. Plus my camera is out of batteries, and the camera is downstairs and the batteries are upstairs on the top shelf of my hall closet. So - that is not going to get done for a while. :)

Mormon Bloggers

A MUST read. It is long - read the whole thing. I am definitely guilty of this.

Breakthrough (not the big one - but just one this morning)

On my sidebar I have a lists. List of things that make me happy, things that make me angry, and confessions. On my list of things that make me happy - clear down at the bottom is "finding balls in random places". I wrote this when Brock was about a year old. He was obsessed with balls and would put them everywhere. Whenever I was cleaning, cooking, or just going about my normal day I would find a ball in places like my laundry basket, in my tupperware drawer, or in a shoe. I loved it. It always made me smile because it was a sweet reminder of this stage of my life. I embraced that things would never totally be "put away" and those tender reminders of the joy that is boys/small children were welcomed and celebrated.

Well... a few years and children later, you can find me in my kitchen saying, "why is this ball here, why can't you put your toys away." I have long recognized that MY attitude needs to change - I have wondered how I could get back to my joyful attitude rather than my stressful one.

This morning I put Megan down for a nap, made my bed and got in she shower while the boys were down stairs playing. They came running into the bathroom once or twice during the shower. When I got out of the shower and went into our bedroom I saw that my bed had been messed up and obviously jumped on. My very FIRST INITIAL reaction was a smile. It made me smile and happy to see that I had my sweet little 2 year old and 3 year old jumping on our bed while I took a shower and their sister napped.

I have been praying to feel that joy. I believe it is a gift of the spirit. Because it can not be forced (believe me - I have tried), it is like charity. I am grateful I felt it this morning - I pray it will continue.

Randomness

Mostly pregnancy randomness


• I am not very sick with this pregnancy. I have to eat small portions about every hour or so - and I am fine. I have to be VERY particular about what and when I eat my first meal of the day. The best thing to have is a small amount of Honey Bunches of Oats with a lot of milk (but not too much). Harmon's has their Honey Bunches of Oats on sale - .10 cents an ounce! That is a GREAT deal. So I bought 15 boxes. That should last a while.


• I am VERY tired though. VERY. I am sure that will go away when I stop nursing Megan in a few months, it usually does.


• Even though Brock is only 3 he is very aware of this whole pregnancy baby thing. He has been through it a few times before. He is so funny. He always tells me I have to be careful because of the baby in my tummy. Or "remember to eat, so you don't get sick." He won't let me lift heavy things and he is worried about playing soccer or wrestling with me.


• I swear I can feel the baby move. Unlikely since it is about the size of a bean or something and I swear I can already feel legs and elbows... I don't think so. But I sure feel something.


• FAQ: So how far apart are all your kids? Brock and Noah are 16 months apart. Megan and Noah are 19 months. Megan and this baby are set to be 16 months apart. That is 52 months between Brock and baby. Also grade wise they are all close. For example Brock will be in the 5th grade, Noah in the 3rd, Megan in the 2nd, and baby in the 1st.


• FAQ: How many are you going to have? Not sure... who is? We thought we were maybe only going to have 3 - but we felt very strongly about having another one just as fast as the other ones. We will see. We think this may be the last, or at least the last for a while. It already feels different than all the other pregnancies. Kinda bookendish. But we will see.


• FAQ: Do you want a girl or boy? I can't say. I will be fine with either one. Honestly, I want one more of each - but as stated above, this might be our last, so I can't choose which one I would rather have. So I will let someone with better insight decide :)


• I am DEVASTATED that I can not go to girls camp. DEVASTATED. That is the only thing about this pregnancy that I am sad about. But I know that I can't. With Noah being 4 weeks early and Megan 6 weeks early and with how fast my babies come - I can't be more than 20 minutes away from a hospital for the last 2 months (and that is pushing it). I am however hoping to go to Youth Conference in June (Trek) - but we will see. That may be wishful thinking.
  
• Brock still talks about our Christmas tree almost daily. "mom, I just loved our Christmas tree, I miss it." haha


• Megan is all over the place. Up the stairs, pulling herself up and onto things. She stands by herself for about 5 seconds. Very exciting!


• We are having sleeping issues with Noah. I wish we would have manned up and just bought him another crib instead of going to a big bed. He is out 3 - 5 times a night. Doesn't go to bed until about 10 and is up at 5:30 or 6:00 am. His naps are only an hour now instead of the previous three. He is not even awake when he comes out - it is like he is always sleep walking. But he won't go back to bed. As a result: he is cranky almost 24/7.


• I have made a few breakthroughs in my parenting lately. I hope to share in a later post - as I continue to solidify them. Most of which have to do with allowing my children to grow up. I have realized that I like to be way too involved and in control.

hmmm...

• About mid December my mom watched the kids while I did some Christmas shopping (Awesome!). I decided to treat myself while I was out and got myself a little Cafe Rio (also Awesome), I went with a pork salad. I downed the whole thing - tortilla and all - in about 10 minutes. I wasn't even full after.
• We went to the library during Christmas and got a lot of Christmas books. Both Santa and religious alike. Several of the "Baby Jesus" stories focused on Mary. Every time I read about Mary and her having the baby I started to cry. Weird.
• Two weeks ago I called my 14 year old neighbor Paige at 4:00 in the afternoon to babysit my kids so I could take a 20 minute nap.
• Last week I got busy in the morning and didn't eat breakfast with the kids (nothing unusual) but this time at 9:00 I got nauseous from being hungry.

Yep. If you haven't guess it already... I am pregnant! Holy moly... right?? We are really excited, and, for the record, this was planned. I am 8 weeks. We have never told this early before (we have always waited until about week 15) - but several people had to know for specific purposes, so we just decided to let the cat out of the bag. I am due late August.

As Requested

I have often mentioned on my blog things about my meal planning - often times people have left comments asking me to post what my weeks/months meals were. I know we ALL need help in coming up with new menu items. So, rather than posting what I was making this month (as requested in my last post) - I am just going to give you all my meals and my meal planning strategy.

I have a blank calender in front of me with this list (below). I go through and fill in the dates. I usually start with my chicken (since that is usually the cheapest dinners) - I do about 3 chicken meals a week - staggered of course. Then I do my Sunday dinners. Then I fill in the blanks with what ever meals I haven't done in a while. I have 2 or 3 meals I do twice a month (our staples). I leave about 4 or 5 dates blank for leftovers or days that we don't eat dinner at home (at parents house, party, wedding, etc). At the same time I put in my side dishes and vegetable, also simultaneously I make my grocery list for what I need for the month. I buy all my food in one grocery trip - minus the produce. Then I buy my perishables/produce on my weekly milk/egg run. So here is the list of my meals.

I am going to * my favorites

Chicken
*Chicken Broccoli and Rice
Parmesan Chicken
Balsamic Chicken
*Chicken Pot Pie
Chicken Cordon Blue
*Candied Chicken
Lemon Poppy Chicken
*Cajun Chicken
Chicken Fajitas
Mom’s Chicken Burritos
Chicken Enchiladas
*Prosciutto stuffed Chicken
Stuffing stuffed Chicken
Chicken Roll ups

Ground Beef
Spaghetti Pie
Meat Loaf
Tacos
Hamburgers
Spaghetti
Lasagna

Beef
Stew
Steaks
London Broil
French Dip
*Beef Noodle Bowl

Pork (pork of all varieties)
Stuffed Shells
Ham
Breaded Pork
Sweet and Sour Pork
Bowtie Sausage Pasta
Bacon Fried Rice
*Creamy Sausage Pasta
Trina’s Fajitas
BLT’s
Marinated Pork


Other
Cheese Stuffed Shells
Cheese Manicotti
Ravioli
Penne Pasta Bake
Mac and Cheese
Salmon
Omelets
Panikakers (crepes)
Pizza
Karli’s Pizza
Tomato Basil Rigatoni

I hope that helps someone.

On to other matters. Some thoughts about the new year. I have wanted to do a whole "new years resolution" type post and really organize my thoughts and have something profound to say. But here I sit on January 7 - still my head a jumbled mess. I have a million things I want to do/change and at the same time - I want to get rid of all of it.

The one thing I keep coming back to is finding more joy in motherhood - again.

To show my point I would like to share a story. A little over 2 years ago I was living in Provo, had Brock (18 months) and Noah (3ish months). Whenever we went out - which was everyday - but especially to the grocery store, I always got comments about how I had my hands full. And this was PROVO people - 2 kids in 2 years is not unheard of. Anyways, people were always telling me how crazy my life looked or how hard things must be for me. I always gave a smile and a little laugh and agreed with them, and then said, "but they are good kids." I remember SPECIFICALLY several times wanting to write a blog post about it (wish I would have). Because I never said what I wanted to say - which was: "I love it" "I am so happy, this is exactly what I want to be doing right now." I always wondered if I looked crazy, annoyed or frustrated because people always would say that - but I honestly never felt it (well of course on rare occasions, but that is true with one kid or 2 kids 5 years apart or whatever). I felt so much joy in my role as a mother on a daily, even hourly basis with my 2 little boys.

I want that back.

It mostly left when we moved last year. I think my to-do list just got bigger, with the house and preparing for Megan, and then having Megan. My time with the kids seems to come after an exhaustive list of menial chores and wasteful leisure. I still have great moments, and I am still rarely frustrated or annoyed, but my joyful moments seem to be lessening, and it comes at more "manufactured" times (if that makes sense). I used to feel it just building blocks on the ground, or coloring - events that occurred naturally. But now it seems that even those things (blocks and coloring) - don't occur naturally anymore, I have to schedule them into our day. I guess that is what is really bothering me, before my whole day was devoted to the kids, and I got my list done around them. For the past few months to a year, I feel the need to get my list done first - and then the kids - but I am finding out, my list is never done - so my time with the kids seems rushed, unorganized, or forced. I hate it.

Knowing this I have been thinking about how to change it - but it is a fine line. If I don't do SOME of my list (take a shower, get ready, clean the house, make a good breakfast) I just don't feel peace. The peace needs to be there to feel the joy. Is any of this making sense?? If it is could you please explain it to me - because I am lost.

Anyways... I guess that is why a new years post never happened - I obviously can't make sense of what I am feeling - I just know what I am missing, but lack a solution. I want my kids(family) to be the center of my life again. The WHOLE center - right now I often take the easy way out and try to fit in as much "me" time as I can (read blogs, check my mail, clean, take a nap, have a long shower, make dinner in peace) - so I get my kids distracted so I can do those things. I would have never done that in Provo - I would have saved all that for nap time or night time. But I feel "entitled" to use night time/nap time as a "relaxing" time rather than a "to-do time" - and I "to-do" while the kids are awake and distracted. This has to stop. Wow - I think I just figured it out. Who ever said writing is therapeutic?? Genius.

Thanks for listening and being apart of that crazy journey - are you as exhausted as I am?

Better late than never...

This was our Christmas card this year. It is my first Christmas card ever. I have intended on doing one every year since we got married - but never did. This got sent out a little late (December 28th), and didn't get to everyone I wanted (sorry if you are one of them). Thanks to Karli for letting me steal her idea (she did mostly the same thing with her three kids last year) and thanks to Jess for taking the pictures for me! Oh - and Merry Christmas





We have had a very busy year in the Herbert household. We moved into our first home in West Jordan, welcomed our third child into the family, and Jason changed jobs 3 times. We have been settling into our new ward and making a lot of great friends. We are thankful to all our friends and family who have helped us so much through this challenging and changing year for us. We are hoping for a calmer 2011, to more fully enjoy this unique time in our life with young children, and to get our Christmas cards out BEFORE Christmas next year.

We hope you had a Merry Christmas and a great New Year!