Trip to Utah

I couldn't even think about going to Utah for Fall break.  I desperately wanted to but  six children: two of which are a toddler and a newborn and because of covid-19 it just felt like it was the wrong time to go.  But as we got closer and closer to fall break my heart started to ache. Dane was so cute and just the most adorable 18 month old and I realized that my family had not seen him 4 almost a year! And only my mom and dad had ever met Eve. Every day my heart yearned to have my family know my two little babies. But whenever I thought about going I just got really overwhelmed and I knew couldn't do it. I kept talking to Jason about my desires and worries and kept going back and forth. On the morning of fall break I was moping around the house sad that we weren't going to Utah, and talking to Jason about how I wish I could go but I really can't. Eventually he got sick of my complaining and made announcement that we were leaving for Utah in 1 hour and to go get packed. I was actually thrilled that he made the decision for me! We rushed around the house getting packed up and made it out of the house by 1 pm! About 40 minutes into our trip the car broke down. Interestingly enough it was on the exact same place of free way that our car had broken down last time we had tried to take a family outing to Lair o the Bear. My kids said it was just like Elder Holland's talk, which cheered up my mood for the fact that my kids could make a conference reference. Anyways, we had to turn around drive back home and figure out what was wrong with our car. Devastated we weren't going to go Utah. Then, a few days later Jason and I decided that it wasn't worth it to fix the car and we needed to buy a new one. Once we started looking around for vans we've realized they are about 5 to $7,000 cheaper in Utah then they are here. So we rented a Suburban drove out to Utah and said you were coming home until me we bought a van.

The trip was about as hard as I thought it would be. About 12 hours into being there I thought, "this is why I didn't want to come." At home I feel like we are okay, but just barely. We are always just treading water or surviving. Putting us in a different home on a different schedule with different people - and I felt like I was drowning instantly. However looking back I'm glad that we went, it was good to see  family and friends and gets outside of our routine. I know I'm going to have to do stuff like this so that we can still have a good quality of life with these older kids. Everything seems too overwhelming to go do, but I just have to go do it anyway. 

You can tell that I was pretty overwhelmed by the number of pictures that I took (especially at my moms house). I don't have any pictures that I should have taken that tell a good story or that are with important people. But I'll show you what I have. We, of course, went to Wheeler Farm it's one of our favorites and Dane loved it just as much as well. The older kids all thought that it would be stupid and they wouldn't like it anymore but of course they still loved it

 Another reason I wanted to go to Utah is because they aren't really following covid guidelines and are pretty open. There are pros and cons to that.  We try hard to follow the rules and support regulations, if for no other reason then that we want to teach our kids that we help, we make things easier, bear one another's burdens, and because the prophet asked us too. But there are also regulations that are meaningless and more for show than science, so it was nice to be able to find a little bit of balance.

We also went and visited my grandparents.  This was the first time they met Eve.

It warms my heart to see Dane playing in my grandparents backyard.

Eve was always the hit of the party.  Many of my cousins and aunts and uncles came to see her. 

One day we went and hung out at Katie's house.  She had this great painting activity for the kids to do while the babies napped. I love being able to take advantage of other people's talents and the way they have a positive effect on my children.  She is so good at being creative and helping the people around her do that too.  I sometimes get overwhelmed with messes and routines and she doesn't.  I used to be better about letting my kids make messes and get stuff out  -but I have kind of lost that about myself.  I need to find that again. Katie even took these pictures while I also napped.

We also took the toddlers to the park.  It is pretty sad that this is the only picture of Dane and Alex we got!  They are about 4 months apart and became pretty cute friends.  They sat on this bench together.

 And Eve got to meet her twiner her cousin Lottie. They are just two months apart and are adorable.

The girls played a lot with their younger cousins.  One of the "stresses" of going to Utah is that my little brother, Daniel, and his family are living with my parents - so it was a full house of 16 people!  My parents also got bunnies that we played with a lot.

Not pictured: The Bells moved back to Utah!  Sadly they went out of town for fall break - so we only  overlapped for about 3 hours.  But we did see them for those 2 hours.  Jason and I went to the Toblers one evening and stayed until past midnight.  We also stopped by Jason's parents house on the way back.  They are more nervous about Covid so we saw them in their front yard with no touching.  We didn't make it to temple square - which is pretty devastating - there was a really important picture I wanted.  But it just seemed too hard.  Wow - after writing this post I realize that I need to let go a little and do things that are hard and live in the moment and not worry about routines and messes so much.  This is not who I want to be.  But if feels like that is who I need to be to keep the people around me happy and thriving... but is it healthy long term??   I need to do some soul searching.

We did buy van! And then we headed back home.  We are grateful to my mom for watching the kids every evening so we could go car shopping.  I am grateful for Jason's work that allowed him to work remotely so he didn't have to take vacation days - and for Jason for working while on vacation and for holding this whole thing together!  And for my kids for helping me every step of the way.  They are pretty remarkable.

 

Playing in the leaves

Madison is my leaf player.  She is still such a little girl at heart, sometimes I have to remind her of that.  She is often bored and doesn't know what to do because she thinks she is too old for little girl stuff, but if I can get her started, she will play for hours.  Dane loved the leaves and played in them often.  He was pretty sad when they got raked up and bagged.

 

Fall Outings

I try to get out with Dane 3 times a week.  They are often to the grocery store, library, or local park.  Not the childhood my others had, but it is all we got.  

During Fall break we could go swimming - but not now.

I know that these are a lot of the same pictures.  But really they are all different and to. die. for.  Each face is so so cute.