Revelations on Motherhood: part one

So I have a million things that I always want to blog about, but never get around to it. So I put pressure on myself by mentioning it in my blog (ex. I will blog about (blank) soon). You may notice that almost 100% of those posts never come to fruition (my hair, revelations on motherhood, 10 things I love about Noah, birthday thanks to Jason etc). These posts are all written in my head - but when it comes to writing them I never do. Mostly for 2 reasons. 1) Most of these posts are deep and require a lot of thought - I don't want to leave anything out, so I have to mull it over for a few days and then organize my thoughts and then think about it some more - I really don't want to leave anything out. This is obviously overwhelming - so it rarely gets done. Reason 2) I want certain pictures to go with the posts. Pictures that don't exist yet. I have to take them. I never remember to do this - until I am blogging - at night - when my kids are in bed. So the pictures never get taken, so I put off the post. Well, no more. I have a goal for this week to catch up on all my "deep, difficult, journal type posts" with or without pictures. I am just going to write. Even though my thoughts are not organized. That is why I put part one at the top. Because if I forget something and remember about it in a few days, you will get a "Revelations on Motherhood: part two". So enjoy.


I totally get that my life is comical. Crazy even. In fact.... I judge myself. I remember sitting in my stake presidents office waiting room down in Provo, about 6 years ago. I was waiting with another woman who was pregnant and due any day. We started talking and I asked if it was her first (almost always is for Provo people), she smiled and said, "no, it is my fifth." (Unheard of in a BYU ward). I asked how old her other ones were, she said, "5, 4, 3, 2, and then the one she was about to have." I have retold this story a million times in mockery towards this woman - how could she do that? Who thinks that is a good idea? Does she not know how to use birth control? Well, I have been sufficiently humbled. I am now that woman. And happy to be her. (Well, I don't have 5)

Today I was at a baby shower with some friends and acquaintances that I haven't seen in several years. We were talking about being pregnant and one girl, I guess I should say woman, I hadn't seen in several years asked me if it was my second (she knew about Brock). I laughed and said, "no this is my fourth". The whole room started laughing. She totally thought I was joking. I had to convince her that I was serious. Hard to do while I am laughing. She asked how old my oldest was, everyone started laughing harder, including me, and I said, "3". She was shocked. She made some comment (I don't remember exactly) that hinted towards, "was this planned?" or "You must have been surprised", or "Do you not know how to use birth control?" and I laughed even harder and said, "no we planned this". We were all laughing pretty hard at this point. It sounds crazy. I hear myself say it and it sounds crazy. I totally get that. But I love it and it does not offend me AT ALL when we all get a little comical relief from my life. Jason and I do every day.

I knew with this pregnancy would come a lot of judgement. But to be honest I haven't felt like I have received much judgement or ridicule (at least to my face...). That has been nice. But I think partly because I don't care - I have been 100% confident in our decision to have another one so quick and I think people feel that - so they leave me alone. The only exception is strangers - I don't feel the need to tell them. Example: I had to take Noah in to get an X-ray on his ankle (couch jumping accident - just twisted), anyways, it was just me and Noah - and I told the X-ray technician that I couldn't go in with him because I was pregnant. She said that I was brave having another one so soon. She thought Noah was my baby! I almost corrected her, but then I thought, "why?" She doesn't need to know that I have a 10 month old at home too, oh, and a 3 year old. I just smiled and said we were ready. That has happened several more times when I just have Noah with me or the boys. The bigger I get, the more obvious it is that I am pregnant the more comments I get from strangers - especially when I have all 3 kids with me. I think when Megan starts to walk it won't look SO crazy. She will look a little older. But it really doesn't bother me at all. I have yet to be offended or have my feelings hurt.

I really love my little family. It is not for everyone. I didn't think it would be for me. (After we had Brock we seriously considered not having any more). But this SO works for us. Jason and I have our roles pretty well defined and our routine down pat. Plus we have good kids. That is our saving grace. We have yet to have a real fussy baby or a crazy busy toddler. Our kids are mild and calm and generally very obedient. That helps, heck, who am I kidding... that is why we are able to do what we are doing. I do have some parenting philosophy's that I have developed, or realized, and it helps me manage that chaos. That is actually what I wanted to blog about, I want to document, for myself, what my philosophy's of motherhood are. I have been thinking about them a lot lately. What kind of mother I am. Why I make some of the choices I make. What is intentional, what is not. Things like that. But this post has gone on long enough. So I guess that will come along in part two. So stay tuned. :)