This will probably be a lot of random thoughts about my upcoming delivery. I am just in the mood to post, and of coarse, this is what is on my mind.
One of my friends has always done things about a year or so ahead of me (college, marriage, one child, own a home, two children, etc), so I have always looked to her for advice and a gage of how to handle things. It also helps that I think she is the most perfect mom and wife... and basically wonderwoman. When she had her second child I was pregnant with Noah, I was constantly asking her, "is it hard?", "What is the hardest part?", "Are you overwhelmed?", "How do you meet both their needs?" etc, and her answers were always really positive and optimistic and she always was saying that it wasn't hard. So I went into my "mothering of two" stage very optimistic, and I found that I had mostly the same experience as her, I thought it was great. It wasn't very hard, and the abundant joy and fun definitely outweighed the times when they were both screaming.
So my friend had her third child about 4 months ago and knowing that I was pregnant with my third I figured that I would gage off of her experience again. So I asked her "Is is hard?", not really listening for an answer because I knew it would be the same, "No, it is really great" answer. She threw me way off guard when she said, "Yes, 3 is really hard."
What?
Really hard! I had not anticipated this. I know she can do ANYTHING, about 3 times better than I can, so if it is hard for her (and her kids are further apart than mine), how am I supposed to do this? I started getting the same comments from other mom's who had 3 children under the age of 3 or 4. My Aunt Pat said, "this one will kill you, you just can't do anything, you can't manage 3 children that young all by yourself, you just have to live in survival mode for about a year or two." A family friend said, "You can't go anywhere, you just have to stay home." My saving grace, the thing I just keep going back to is my mother. I will have my first 3 children in 37 months - my mom had her first 3 children in 37 months as well. And she really doesn't have anything negative to say. She said, "I am sure there were hard times, but I don't really remember them, you just do it."
Despite all this "negativity" (no one has been negative, just honest) I am nothing but excited for this baby. Is it extremely prideful (or ignorant) to think that I can do it. Because I really think that I can. I have decide just to embrace this stage in my life and let the rest go. This is not a time for me to be going to lunches in the afternoon, I should just be at home napping my children. This is not the time to always have a perfectly clean and organized home. This is the time to have a very child friendly home, it will only make my day easier. I think if I just embrace it and have my goal to do what is best for me and my children, I think we will be ok. Is that extremely naive? We will see.
Not to mention this is a girl. I have had my roller-coaster of emotions on this fact. It's not that I didn't want a girl... it was just that I was SO SURE it was a boy. I mean, SO SURE. So I just had to readjust the "picture" I had for our family, and now I am so excited. Excited to have Brock and Noah be really close and have this cute, wonderful little girl that they get to learn to be gentle and delicate with. I am exited to have "the boys" and then me and the baby. It will be wonderful to have another girl in the home. I am intimidated on what to do with her. Both my boys were throwing balls at around 3 months, is that the same for girls? Do I need to buy other "girl" toys, or can I just have my basket of balls and cars for her?
I am also really excited for the birth. I have pulled out all my hypnobirthing stuff and am listening to my affirmations daily. To be honest, I love the whole birth process - I find it so wonderful. I have told Jason that if when we are done having children I want to be a surrogate because I just love giving birth, he told me no - boo.
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6 comments:
Jamie,
I am sure you will do wonderfully. I think it's good for you to be realistic in realizing that you'll be home meeting your children's needs. I think you're a wonderful mom and think about you often and how you do all you do.
I'm excited to hear about her birth story and name.
how about a doula, instead of a surrogate? I think you'd be great at that. =) One 3: lots of people have told me that adding number 3 is the hardest phase. Two is a shock, but at least there are two parents and you have 2 hands. With three (apparently) you have to learn a whole new way to do things. After three you already know who to handle the chaos (for lack of a better word) and its kind of "the more, the merrier," but the transition to 3 is the biggest shock. I think you're brave, and you have a great attitude. I am terrified of 3, and think that I'm giving myself a least another year before I even think about having #3. I'd really like Allison to be about to go into Kindergarten before #3 is born so that I don't have 3 kids at home. But I'm not brave.
I've heard different. I heard anything after 2 is easy. My friend had her 3rd a few months ago and she said it was just the same as having 2, just one more body. My sis in law said the same. The first 2 play well together and then you have the baby. So I wouldn't stress, I think YOU of all people will be fine. As for the birthing thing, I am right there with you - I love it! Although both mine were with epidurals, haha, but I think it is so amazing.
I think you will be great! Of course there will be hard days but just adjust as you need to as time goes on. You'll know what to do :) You are so lucky that you have no problem getting pregnant, easy pregnancies and deliveries! I love being pregnant as well. I think that and the whole birthing process are the coolest things in the world to go through! I always tell Justin that i feel bad for him that he doesn't get to experience it himself. :) Good luck in the next few months! I hope you arrive at the hospital like a normal person does this time around :)
I have no doubt you'll transition well, even with the rough stuff that comes with all small children. You have a wonderful perspective on mothering and children. I have always admired that about you. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Congrats on a baby girl!! These are surely exciting times with all the changes that are happening and coming your way. I remember having 3 was no big deal actually. After the new born phase, of "don't touch the baby" I was used to all the helpful hands and chaos. It's just something that you adapt too. Hey at least you don't skip from 2 to 4 kids in one swoop right?? ;) Who knew I'd get past the first year? I'm sure you'll welcome the challenge and do great! You're an excellent mother!!
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