I had to accept several years ago that along with all the joys of motherhood comes one unavoidable emotion... guilt. I feel guilt constantly. I have noticed though that I feel it in less degrees as they get older, I wonder if that will continue? Anyways...
One of the biggest things I feel guilty about is my newborns. They break my heart. I HATE when they fall asleep "without me". One minute they are sitting in their bouncer being happy and the next minute I turn around and they are asleep - and my heart aches. A voice inside tells me I should be happy that they just fell asleep on their own - but that is not how I feel. I figure that the baby was just waiting for me to pick them up and either play with them or put them to sleep - but instead they realized that I was never coming and went to sleep on their own. I realize this is ridiculous - but it is how I feel. I want to so badly rock my children to sleep each and every time they go to sleep.
We all ate lunch - Madison in the middle of the table in her bouncer, happy as a clam - I went upstairs for just a few minutes to put the older kids down for a nap. When I came down I was expecting to spend the next hour or so just with Mads - and she was fast asleep. I was overcome with guilt. I remember when Noah was 4 months old he decided he didn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore - he just wanted me to put him in his crib and fall asleep by himself. I took it personally and cried for a few days. I am crazy. :)
2 comments:
Yes, you are crazy. RELAX. That is the best thing of all to have your kids fall asleep by themselves.
I understand your heart break. There are few things better than rocking with a baby. It is such a peaceful time (unless they are fighting the sleep, which they can sometimes do.) It is wonderful, though, that she knows how to go to sleep by herself because then she doesn't ALWAYS have to rely on you, which could be stressful.
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