Better than Christmas

What could be better than Christmas you might ask??

Well at our house 2 things.  Dirt and a tractor.

And last week we got both.  We finally finished our backyard - and it is beautiful!!  But before we get to that.  The dirt.

We stood on our front porch when a big dump truck came and dumped this dirt on our RV pad - Noah said immediately, as the dirt was dumping, 'I need my tractors".  It was about the cutest thing I had heard my whole life.  He ran inside grabbed all of his tractors in his arms and brought them out to the dirt pile.  

He was in heaven... so the thought.

Until...


This bobcat showed up at our house.

Noah sat like this in our front yard (with tractor in hand)for almost 2 hours (never moved a muscle) and watched this bobcat haul dirt into our backyard.

He was in heaven... so he thought.

Until...

He got to DRIVE IT.  I asked our landscaper if he would give the boys a ride.  I thought a quick 2 second ride if they didn't touch anything - you know - liability reasons.  Well, he put them to work.  They were picking up dirt, and driving it to the backyard and dumping it.  He let them drive it and control it all my themselves.  They each got a turn for like 10 minutes. 

Now to OUR Christmas.  Our backyard was not much to speak of.  A completely broken sprinkler system, just weeds and dirt, and to top it ALL off broken glass everywhere.  We didn't know about the glass when we bought the house - but once the grass started dying it appeared.  It seems as though our previous owners shot off fireworks in vases - or shot at glass bottles - we are not sure - but it was everywhere - and about 4 - 6 inches deep.

Don't let the green fool you - they are weeds.  So after a year of "we can/will do this ourselves" we wised up and realized this was way above our ability, knowledge, and time to finish this on our own.  I NEEDED a backyard that the kids could play in (after all that was the number 1 reason we bought a house... to get a backyard.)

We hired Hallmark Landscapers and they did a wonderful job.  I was a little sceptical and bummed to be hiring out.  Jason comes from a VERY STRONG tradition of do-it-your-selfers and my family has rarely, if ever, hired manual labor out.  To be honest, I was a little embarrassed.  Especially with the year we had.  But after watching the process it was the BEST decision we have ever made.  I watched these professional men in my backyard work for hours and hours on end - with fancy equipment and the know how of what to do.  I realized what took 5 - 6 men 2 full days to do - would have taken Jason every single Saturday this whole summer.  Not to mention a million trips to Lowes, endless frustration, thousands of google searches, countless phone calls to his dad, and favors galore. 

Watching these men work I had an epiphany.  Jason leaves our family everyday to work for us - to make money.  And now we have used some of that money to allow him to spend what precious time he has home with us.  Now our Saturdays can be spent at the Zoo, the pool, or in our new wonderful backyard.  I couldn't think of a better way to spend our money. 

Plus our landscapers were wonderful.  I was nervous about having these men in my backyard while I was home alone with the kids.  Especially since I knew my boys would be so interested in what they were doing, and would want to be involved.  But they were so great to deal with and were awesome with my kids (obviously from the tractor pictures).  I am grateful our first real purchase on upgrading our home was a positive one.

bla, bla, bla.... lets cut to the chase.

The reveal...

Isn't she beautiful?  We seriously just stand and look at it and smile. 

I imagine a swing set here.  I have been searching for one on KSL or Craigslist - last summer I saw a lot of "if you come take it apart it is yours..."  So I am in the market for one of those.  I saw a few earlier in the spring, but not since... just my luck.

And a patio table and chairs here.  Nothing fancy - just plastic - maybe one nice padded chair that I can sit in while I hold the baby.  We already have an umbrella and stand. 

Can they tell?

Can they tell that I have been counting down the minutes until nap time for the last 3 hours?

Do they know that every time that I smiled and said, "that is so silly" I rolled my eyes as I turned around?

Can they tell that I am on pins and needles, gritting my teeth and clutching my fists as I try not to yell because they really are just acting their age?  But truth is - it is SO annoying?

Is it misleading to let them think I am so nice by letting them watch Barney at 12:30 when in reality I just wanted to lay on the couch unbothered for 30 minutes?

Despite my annoyance and attitude today (who knows why?  hormones, weather, tired...) my boys have been all smiles, laughter, giggles, and overall silliness, and as I put Noah down for his nap he wrapped his arms around me tight and said, "I love you mom".

Guilt overcame me because today was not one of my best days, which led me to wonder... could they tell?

Today

You know those days where you don't stop.  Today was one of those days.  Most my days are usually pretty busy - but today for some strange reason I decided to jam pack it.  Unfortunately it wasn't with anything grand - it seems my to do list didn't really get any smaller.  They are all just "revolving" chores - the ones that as soon as they get scratched off the top of the list get added right back on to the bottom of the list. 

Today I:

• Woke up at 6 and went walking
• Did the usual morning thing - everyone ready, everyone fed, everyone cleaned, everyone dressed and ready
• Cut the boy's hair
• Did my Monday deep clean - but with the kids home
• After Megan woke up we went to the grocery store and to the library
• lunch and naps
• Made a bazillion phone calls about: painting, landscaping, craigslist and KSL stuff, ward calling stuff, doctor and insurance stuff (did not even get through half my phone call list)
• Read books we got from library
• Made dinner
• Washed all the bedding and towels in the house and put them all back together
• Did all the laundry and put it away
• My children were HORRIBLE between the hours of 6 and 8 - Jason was out working in the yard - Megan I think screamed the whole time regardless of what I did and all Brock and Noah wanted to do was read the library book and NOBODY wanted to eat the wonderful dinner I made (Chicken Cordon Blue, stuffing, and asparagus)
• As soon as everyone was asleep I had a huge mess of a house to clean... again
• And now I am about to begin ironing Jason's work clothes while I watch The Good Wife

Even while I write this post I can't decide if I feel good about my day or wish I would have bagged it all and spent my day at the park with my kids.

Update:
*Dang - I published this post and then went to my blog to see how it looked.  I realized from my "grand list of daily things" - one blaring thing was not on the list.  FHE.  I guess I failed on that one.  It was planned earlier in the day - but never carried out.  For a little redemption I did my scripture study and we read as a family.

Favorite time of year... Favorite place

My cousin, Sarah, got married last week in the Salt Lake Temple.  Temple Square is probably one of, or IS, my favorite place in the whole world.  And it is beautiful this time of year.  What a time and place to get married.

 Sarah and Jordan were so cute.  Oh to be young and in love...  Um... I actually still feel their same age and place in life, is that weird??

Anyways I, of course, had to take pictures with my kids with the beautiful flowers.  They were not really in the mood - but that didn't keep me from trying. 

 Oh - it was just so beautiful and peaceful - temple square is like heaven on earth - especially when you have your kids with you.  The kids love all the places to climb on and the water fountains and the rivers.  We could have spent all day there.

Megan loved the stairs up to the temple doors.

Some days are just perfect... this was one of those days.  Nothing like an eternal marriage surrounded by tulips and the sound of my children playing.

By the way one of my friends had a great post.  I cried for a good 30 minutes after I read it.  So if you want to be sad about your children growing up.  You should click here.

Corinne came to town

Corrine is a good friend of mine from high school - her and her husband (Dan) also lived in our apartment complex in Provo - fun times!  They moved to Seattle shortly after they had their little girl.  Her brother got married last week - so I got the benefit of some fun outings and the company of Corrine.  

 Well... truth is Corinne is Jason's friend.  Corinne and Jason were in the same ward growing up and were best friends through Jr. High (there was some young romance for a little while - ooh-la-la).  When Jason and I became friends and started dating I got to know Corinne, and learned she was an invaluable resource to understanding this complicated boyfriend I had.  I commandeered their friendship and now Corinne and I are really good friends - one of my best.  Jason and her are still good friends - although the romance has faded :) 

We went to Discovery Gateway and the Gateway fountains and met Jason on his lunch break.

 Corinne and I are both pregnant with girls.  Due about the same time!

On another day we went to Wheeler Farm.

 My boys found a tractor and stood there and watched it until I had to DRAG them away.  They are obsessed.

 Then Noah found a tractor to sit on.

We spent the rest of the afternoon throwing rocks into a river.  I love summer!  Such simple joys.

 Megan is turning into a little spit fire - my hardest child for sure by far.  I have a picture of Brock and Noah at this age just sitting on the bank of a river throwing rocks.  They never tried to get in - just happily sat and threw the rocks.  We would attend sporting events and they would sit on my lap and watch the game - or quietly play around me when their attention span ended.  This little girl... not so much.  She HAD to get in the water.  We went to my cousin's baseball game... she screamed almost the whole time - she just wanted to be on the field.  After some contemplation I have decided to give her more freedom and let her make some of her own choices.  She wanted to get in the river... so in the river she went.  After a about a minute, she decided she didn't like it.  Problem solved.  If you know me as a mom, you know that I am a pretty laxed parent, I like to give my kids more freedom and tend to trust them before I get involved.

She sure is cute though.

Tulip Festival

We went to Thanksgiving Point's Tulip Festival last week.  Tulips are my favorite flower.  Sad they only last a month or so.  We went with the Curren's and the Hewards.  We had a great time.  It was wonderful weather and the children were all well behaved.

 The boys could have stayed here all day throwing rocks into the pond.

 Rachel Curren and Corinne Braley.  Corinne's mom - Heather - had her baby just a few days before, so we took Corinne for her.

 More water to throw rocks into.

I love these boys - they are the best brothers in the whole world.

The mothers in my life

I wrote this post fast and did not take the time to verify spelling of names - sorry. It would have been too overwhelming and I would have never written the post.

I have been thinking a lot about the women in my life who have taught me, inspired me, or been an example to me. They are women who have each taken part in molding the wife, mother, and woman that I am and am still becoming. Some of them effect my every day life while some of them have touched certain areas - the way I fulfill my callings in church, the way I serve, my work ethic, etc.

These women have all been mothers to me. So for mothers day this year I would like to mention some of them.

• Of course my mother. See this post for the reasons why she affects my everyday life.
• My Mother-in-law. She is deserving of her own post (it will come). But she has obviously been a huge influence n my life. I met Debby when I was just 16 and falling in love with her son. She was always so supportive of me and always there when I needed her - and still is.
• My Grandma Brown - she has been the ultimate grandma, I didn't even realize or appreciate it until I have had kids of my own and seeing how important her traditions have been in my life. The consistency of love, and a place where we could always go, created a stabilizing force while growing up. Extended family can really do that. In the last 10 years I have seen my grandma as a strong woman with a deep testimony. I know my grandma loves the gospel and her Savior and she lives it. Having a strong tradition of faith has deep roots in my soul and makes me feel stronger myself.
• My aunts: Jen, Leslie, Cindy, Chantelle, and Cathy and my Great Aunt Pat. I won't name specifically what all these woman have done for me individually - because for a lot of reasons it was a joint effort. For my mother's sisters and sister-in-laws it was just always being there. Being there at events in my life, at Sunday dinners/desserts, at holidays.
• My aunts (in-laws), Chantelle and Cindy showed me how to be a daughter and sister in law. Watching them trough the years I have realized that I often emulate them in my relationship with my in-laws. Always showing up, being supportive, (even when husband's aren't). It is easy for wives to tend to want to be with their family more and not support the activities or family of their husbands - but the example of my aunts have instilled in me what it means to be a family and support everyone in it.
• My aunts: they have all touched my life in various ways. Both individually and collectively.
• My aunt Cathy specifically because she is the only one on my dad's side I felt that mothering connection too. My dad's side of the family is not very close - but I always felt at home in her house and close with all her kids. I knew she loved me and I have always felt that she knows me.
• My great-aunt Pat has done the same thing for me. I always felt that she "got" me. She is my great-aunt and doesn't really need to be involved in my life - but she always has been. She came to all my life events (graduation, birthdays, etc), threw me my showers, and comes to my baby's blessings. She has been someone I have gone to for advice and have thought of her many times when I need an example of a strong righteous woman.
• My aunt Les and Jen (my mom's sisters) have been wonderful aunts to me. Especially in the last few years (I don't know if that is fair - I know they have always been wonderful, but when you are young you are selfish and self centered and don't realize how much everyone does for you). They have been so wonderful and supportive of my family and my children and have helped me out in ways I cannot list. I have always known I can count on them like they are my sisters. Having this strong support system has changed me and gives me a strong foundation. I have gotten a lot closer to my aunt Jen in the last few years, we have gone to women's conference together and I have felt a deeper love from her than I ever realized. I really have felt in the last through years that I can talk to her and trust her. I appreciate the time she takes with me. Leslie has a daughter Noah's age - it is fun going through the young children years with one of my aunts. She has been an invaluable resource in this stage of life, not just for hand me down clothes, but I feel like she is dealing with the same issues as I am/will be, in raising young children in this world right now. Her kids are still young and she is an example to me of mothering them.
• Many for my friend's moms have been like mothers to me. I always felt welcomed and loved in all my friend's homes and their mom's were always present, loving, and have definitely impacted the ways I want to mother - especially my daughters. Krista Hammond, Sherri Wray, Heidi Hogan, Marry-ann (Davis), Connie Engh, the list could go on and on. But there are two that I want to talk about specifically.
• Teresa Curtis. This is Karli's mom. From her I have felt a profound testimony of marriage, children and family life. I was around a lot when Karli got engaged and married.  Teresa mom was like a rock. She was so supportive and loving through everything. At a time when she could have thought Karli was too young, too immature, or didn't know Skyler well enough, she instead, showed her testimony of families, marriage, the temple, personal revelation, faith, and trust. Another experience I had was shortly after I had Brock. He was about 3 months old and we were attending the wedding of her daughter, Rachel. I was holding Brock in my arms when I saw Teresa.  She said how cute he was... all the normal stuff you say to first time moms. Then she said, "Now you know what people mean when they say..." I finished her sentence in my head, "how hard it is, how expensive it is, how exhausting it is, etc" In my head I was rolling my eyes because I didn't feel that way - but everyone was always saying it and being negative about it. But instead she said. "how much love and joy children bring you." I was shocked. Yes! That is exactly how I felt! Thank you for validating my feelings. I go back to that conversation a lot in my head. I want to be like that. I want people to know that is how I feel about children and family life. That it is a joy. I was so impressed that she said that to me - to take the positive road, rather than the negative.
• Chris Hair. She is the mother of my friends - "the triplets" Megan, Nicole, and Alyse. She is a faithful woman. I was in her home a lot when I was gaining my testimony and her example really shaped me. I wanted to mention her specifically because one time I had a bad experience. Something happened (I won't mention because of the personal nature) but I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I was shaken and scared. I drove to the Hair home - not to talk to my friends (there were three of them) - but to talk to their mom. I knew she would know what to do. And she did. She comforted me and helped me solve the problem. Knowing that I could turn to her like that... made all the difference. And I still feel like I could show up on her door step with a problem and I could really talk to her and she would really care.
• Young Women's leaders and ward members. I plan on this being a whole post itself one day. I am nervous to even put names because I don't want to forget anyone. But these women - from Willow Creek 5th ward - have had the largest impact on who I am as a woman (other than my own mom). My Young Women's President's - Nancy Wilkinson and Kim Olsen. I invited both of them to the temple for my wedding. I think that says how I feel about them. But even the leaders and ward members who maybe feel like they didn't touch me personally - did because of just their example. I am going to try and name because I think it is important. Leah Bryner, Silvia Brewer, Jolyn Miles, Karen Tsujimoto, Carol Fitsgerald, Pat Thomas, Julie Seal, Joann Miller, Michelle Greer, Connie Engh, Suzanne Nance, Paula Saunders, Bonnie Morgan, Holly VanDam, Karen Rosevear, Sherie Wasdon, Laura Ward, Naomi Goodman. The way these woman served, fulfilled their callings, and simply just attended church and activities have made an impact in my life. I have gone to them and their example in my head MANY MANY times as I have tried to fulfill my callings, assignments, or simply to serve in my ward. Also a few women in the stake: Leslie Egan and Dianne Duckworth - the exact same thing goes for them. These are women who I feel love me and know me.
• Women I worked with. These women all were my supervisors or bosses at work - but they did a lot more than train and mentor me. They have had a lasting impression in so many ways.
• Amanda Neilson. She was my supervisor at Heritage Gardens (ages 16-20). And the youngest person on my list. She was just 2 or 3 years older than me. But I met her at a very impressionable time in my life - and she said and did some things for me that altered my life. I may never see her again and have no idea where she is right now. But she has impacted my life and for that I will always be grateful. I think about her a lot.
• Awbree Summers. I don't have the words to really describe what Awbree did for me and taught me. She was also one of my bosses at Heritage Gardens. Again, at a very impressionable time. I really don't think I could have made it through those years with out her support and love. She is someone I have also lost contact with, and it makes me sad because I really don't know if I would be where I am today with out her. She was there for me when I really needed someone. Rarely did we even talk about my life or problems (but we did do that) but she just provided a stabilizing force and sometimes an escape. On a more technical note she also taught me how to arrange flowers. That may sound stupid. But it was hard for me to be creative, trust myself, and put myself out there like that. Things like that were not in my personality, and she pushed me. Pushed me more than anyone has. It was scary. But she trusted me and that allowed me to trust myself. That skill is priceless.
• Charmaine Smoot. Char was my mother at work. She worked with me at NET - I worked there while I was married, going to school, and pregnant with Brock. The main thing she taught me was having a mothers heart. She had 3 kids of her own and worked full time - she could have easily been so wrapped up in her own life and own problems - and it would have been justified. But she was a mother to every single person in our office. She made sure we were all ok, made sure we all had lunches and dinners every night, she knew about our lives and our problems, she really mothered us all on a daily basis. She was also an example to me of being a supportive wife. I don't want to give any details but she really showed me (through actions and word) what it meant to be a loving supportive wife and help meet.
• Last but certainly not least - Pat Thomas. My second mother. She is my mom's best friend and literally my second mother. My second home. My second family. I know that she loves me and my family as much as anyone could. The support I feel from her is tangible. I love how much she loves my mom and my sister Ashley. I know that she is always there for them (in sickness and in health) and I can count on her to take care of them. It is comforting to know. She has touched my life in the same way a mother does - words can not express.

I was nervous to write this post because I don't want to forget anyone - so I am sorry if I did - I may write an addendum post when I realize I forgot someone. With all this being said I feel want to re-emphasize what a wonderful mother I have and how none of these women could have made a difference in my life with out my mothers influence and foundation. She is the ultimate mother - so please read the post I wrote to her 2 mother's days ago.

Easter

Holidays get more and more fun the older your kids get. But it is also nice when they are young because there are not expectations and they are thrilled with anything. We have 9 AM church, so we decided not to do the Easter thing until after naps. They didn't even know it was supposed to be another way.

Here are the kids finding the eggs around the house.

Megan got to eat one candy egg. She got a lot of necklaces in her Easter basket. She LOVES necklaces.

She spends most her days with a necklace over her head.

Brock and Noah both got some tractors in their baskets. They both love tractors right now - but especially Noah. He LOVE LOVE LOVES them. And these things have made him so happy. He plays with them for hours and hours.

He carries them around the house with him like this. He takes them in and out of the sand box and carries all of them at the same time. He wants to take them every time we leave the house. I hope I always remember him with an arm full of tractors.

Brock got this puzzle. After about 2 days of help he learned to do it all by himself. He loves to do it. I need to get him a few more puzzles because he really enjoys it.

Then we went to my grandma's house for dinner and an Easter egg hunt. And Megan was about the cutest thing in the world. She totally "got" the whole thing. She wanted to walk and she would find an egg and put it in her bag. She loved looking in her bag at her eggs. And then when she was done she had a blast shaking her eggs. Poor girl never knew there was candy in the eggs - her horrible mother never showed her. :) But she was happy enough just to shake them.

Noah and Brock, however, have been around the block a few times - and are fully aware of the candy in the eggs. My grandma has all the eggs numbered - and then each kid gets a number and they have to find 8 eggs with "their" number on them. How educational! It was actually great because we have really been focusing on numbers around here - Brock has been having a hard time learning them. And true to form - with out realizing it, I found out from the hunt that Noah knows all his numbers. Everything we teach Brock, Noah learns right along with him.

Uncle Michael was nice enough to help Noah find all his eggs.

Megan and Sam

My cousins and sisters. Andrea, Lizzy, Meagan, Katie and Sam, Audrey, Ashley, me

Brock spent the night playing soccer with the big kids.

And we ended it with some icecream. A pretty perfect Easter.