a spare minute

I wish I could find the time to blog every day.  I have so many thoughts and ideas about things to blog about and then weeks and months go by and all I really blog about are things I took pictures of and a "travel journal".  For some odd reason at 7:21 in the evening (Jason is not home right now) I have a moment to blog.

I am in my bedroom and my window is open (because it is SO HOT!) and I can hear my kids playing outside.  I think that is the most beautiful sound in the world and seems to heal my heart instantly.   It doesn't matter how frustrated or sad or overwhelmed I am - to hear or see my children playing together, or even by themselves, instantly warms me and brings a smile to my face.  They play together so good - I love it.

Brock starts kindergarten soon.  I had no intention of writing this tonight - but "playing together" got me thinking about it.  I am really really sad.  Not for Brock, he needs it and will love it, and I am really excited for him.  I am just sad that this chapter of my life is over.  I have loved it more than I ever expected.  I never intended to not send Brock to preschool, I am a strong believer in preschool and really wanted it for him.   But the last few years have been a struggle financially and I just couldn't justify it in the budget.  But regardless of the missed opportunities I have loved having all my children home.  I love that our schedule is ours and we do what ever we want when ever we want.  Because of this I have been able to keep to a pretty tight routine and schedule, which I believe breeds better children.  I am sad that I will not be able to give my girls the same things I gave my boys.  They are more likely to be woken up from naps to pick up children from school or other activities, or just take a 20 minute nap in the car in between carpools.  I fear we won't be able to take last minute trips to wheeler farm or the zoo because I have to pick someone up in 30 minutes or because we have to get home work done.  It will be an interesting experiment though - to see if it really does breed better children - or if a non-strict-routine and fun outings will suit them just as well.

For all my sadness and fear, I am not going to let it overwhelm me - although I honestly think it could.  Because I am really excited for this next phase of life, and it is coming quickly.  Actually, specifically, I am excited for the next real phase - when they are all in school.  I have visions of homework, reading time, volunteering in the class room, and being on the PTA, doing all my errands and cleaning while they are in school, and spending evenings at soccer practice, scouts, and ballet.  Doesn't it sound picture perfect?  But I think the next 4 years will be a challenge for me.  Balancing some in school and some at home. 

I was just reading through this post and it sounded way too rosey.  So just for a reality check - Megan threw up all over the couch about an hour ago.  Right in the middle of making dinner.  In the worst way too - she got it all over her, her blanket, 3 pillows, a couch cushion, and the floor.  arg.  I concluded she needs to chew her food more because I could identify everything in the throw-up - so gross.  Then Madison fell all the way down our stairs (barrel rolled) while I was working with raw chicken.  It is funny because about 10  minutes before it happened I wondered what I would do - if I would wash the chicken off first or just grab her.  Turns out I would just grab her - because that is what I did.  Then she needed a bath to wash off the raw chicken.  It has been a rough night.  And to make matters worse I have NO dessert waiting for me tonight after the kids go to bed.  I LIVE for my 9:00 pm dessert - and I have nothing.  Sad.