Venting

The number one reason for not blogging lately is that I haven't downloaded my pictures from my camera onto my computer.  Seems like such an easy task, but somehow debilitating.  Now I am scared to do it because I will be so overwhelmed.  I still have Brock and Megan's birthdays on there from APRIL.

Number two reason is time.

I had a break down yesterday, several actually.  I just might start complaining, I shouldn't "air my dirty laundry", but... I really want too. 

This is hard.  I wondered if I wanted to say that, you know, out loud, on my blog.  But I think sometimes there is power and strength is acknowledging that something is hard.  Sometimes, when something is really hard, almost too hard, I say to myself, "I am a strong woman".  Sounds lame, but it is a small pep talk that always seems to work.

Anyways back to the NOW.  Yesterday everything kinda came to a head and I felt overwhelmed with the realization that I simply can not get everything done that I need to get done.  And if I even TRY to get it all done than I am not the mom that I want to be and spend most the day trying to get my kids to leave me alone so I can get everything done.  Yesterday all I could think was, "I think if I had 48 hours straight of no kids I could get my to-do list done", but the worst part about a home-makers to do list is the moment something is crossed off it is almost immediately put back at the bottom of the list.  So I probably need 48 hours every month.

This week was just the perfect storm.  Jason got a new schedule - so I am adjusting to that.  I am the scout master and I have my pack meeting on Thursday.  I have 3 new scouts coming in, two or three advancements in each den, a bazillion awards, an arrow of light, and a cub scout going into scouts.  My girls are sick, really sick.  I can not go any where.  We have no food.  I really need a good 2 hours at Walmart and a Costco run, but first I need to meal plan and make a list.  My whites have been in the dryer since Saturday begging to be folded and put away.  I hate folding whites.  I have a dishwasher full of dirty dishes and no dish soap - boo.  My bathroom desperately needs to be cleaned, and I mean DESPERATELY.  Those are all the most pressing.  Everything else can wait.  But those things nag at me and nag at me while I sit holding a sobing, sick child while three others are simultaneously clamoring for my attention.

I wrote this post in my head yesterday, kinda a downer, but it was how I felt.  Actually that is the sugar coated version of how I felt.  I cried to myself for a good hour or so and then sobbed it out to Jason at 10:00 at night (that is my midnight - did I mention I am SO tired I am non-functioning after 8:30).  Then swore to do and be better.  Today has actually been a really good day.  We went on a nature scavenger hunt and then made collages of what we found.  We played superheros with capes in the backyard with a really ferocious wind.  That was a lot of fun.  I have tried very very hard to be patient, but the sound of four children whining just gets me and I feel like I have to scream.  I have been known to go in my back yard and just yell.  But right now all four children are napping (very very rare), I have dinner in a crockpot, and for some reason I felt that it was more beneficial to write down my feelings rather than tackle the very to-do list I am complaining about.  Funny huh.

Now I want to warn someone.  Several months ago I wrote a similar whiny post (I guess that is where my kids get it) and I had a neighbor who had just had a baby THAT WEEK bring me cookies.  So to you, thank you - but I do not complain to get something :) Unlike my kids :)