"those" days

I have some great mothering days, I really do, but I also have horrible awful days.  I have blogged about many of them before, I don't know why I feel the need to blog about the bad days, I guess it is just something else to do other than scream at my kids or yell into a pillow.

I guess it has all been coming to a head for a while.  Because of vacations and visitors we haven't had our normal routine for a few weeks and we have been getting through pretty successfully.  I knew today was going to start out stressful because Brock had his Kindergarten testing at 9:00 am and we were all going (mistake 1: should have had a baby sitter).  I had taken the other three to Brock's class the week before for a presentation Brock was giving and they were perfect angels, sat and colored in the back of the room the whole time.  So I thought it wouldn't be a big deal.  Wrong.  But I will get to that in a minute.

I woke up a good hour before my kids (best thing I did all day) and took a shower, got ready, and started breakfast.  The day was off to a good start.  By 7:15 am I was completely ready (dressed, makeup, hair) and I had all 4 kids sitting down at the table eating breakfast.  The boys were being pretty silly but they hadn't really been together, just the two of them, for several days so I found it endearing instead of annoying.  Megan was done and since the day was still early and things were coming together smoothly I decided to give her a MUCH needed bath.

*Side note - giving her a bath/shower is one of the most overwhelming things in my life right now.  I am going to admit the she had not had her hair washed in 10 days.  And every day I put it off because of one excuse or another so I forced myself to do it today (mistake number 2).  She takes baths or showers really good, but once it is time to wash her hair it all goes down hill.  To get it all wet, wash it, rinse it, condition it, rinse it, get out.  Then comb it all out.  Then dry it, and style it.  JUST to get yogurt in it in the next hour is just too much for me.

Well, as you can imagine Maddie wanted to get in too.  Not in the plan, but fine.  While I am bathing them I hear a bang.  Run downstairs and see that the boys (who were still very sillily eating breakfast) had both spilled their cereal.  And not just a spill, splashes, I had cream of wheat (worst thing to clean up ever) and chex and milk splashed all over my walls, counters, tables, chairs and boys.  I have no idea how it happened and I never got a straight story. 

Got the girls out, put the boys in.  Clock is ticking and I notice things are getting tight.  We watch Daniel Tigers Neighborhood while I get the girls dressed and do their hair.  Thankfully they boys are now BOTH able to take showers, clean, get out, and get dressed all unsupervised (minus reminding them of things a million times)... I thought that day would never come. 

Mistake #3 I knew the chances of Megan washing her hair before Sunday were slim to none so I thought I should put in in a braid to last it a few days.  Too many things were going on, she was not having it and after WAISTING 15 minutes trying to successfully braid her hair I had to rewet it and start over.  I SHOULD have thrown it in a pony tail and called it good, but that would have almost guaranteed a pony tail every day until I washed it again - and I usually only try and pony tail it the last 2 days or so... any ways.  I re wet it, re comb it, and start blow drying it.  She is done.  And now I am barking orders, threatening, and we are just fighting all the way through the process - I hate that.  It is now 8:50 and I am panicked that we are going to be late.  I tell the boys to brush their teeth, Noah tells me he doesn't want to - that happens about EVERY THING I say Every time - so I don't think much of it.  I carry the girls down stairs to see my kitchen a disaster.  I had forgotten to clean up breakfast.  Ugh.  But I did clean up the spills!

Get shoes on the girls and tell everyone to get in the car.  I go inside and yell for Noah, no response, I run upstairs to find him sadly sitting in the bathroom saying he is not brushing his teeth.  This is where I lost it.  The stress of Megan's hair, the kitchen mess, taking them all to Brock's school, being late to Brock's testing, and now Noah refusing to brush his teeth... it was all too much.  I force brushed his teeth while telling him that he needs to do what I ask him to do with out complaining, carry him down stairs, put his shoes on, all while still lecturing him on the importance of obedience.  Get out to the car and the other kids have gone crazy, running all over the place.  I was tired of fighting and yelling.  But we now had 1 minute to get to the school.  I yelled for them to all get in the car and continued my lecture (to now all 4 of them) about how I told them to get in the car and they need to listen.... blah, blah, blah.

Get to the school.  Wow, I just realized I am documenting WAY to much detail and I can't keep that up.  So... kids got banished to the hall... yada, yada, yada... got banished to the library... yada, yada, yada... eventually got banished to the play ground (should have started there... duh) (I didn't because I wanted to HEAR Brock test... we are still having problems with his reading performance at school).  Back to the story... I was talking to Brock's teacher while the kids played on the Kindergarten playground, she we telling me how he missed a bunch or REALLY EASY math questions and was not "in the mood" to read.  I was frustrated.  She goes back inside, I turn to get the kids... Madison is gone.  No one knows where she is.  The "real" playground is full of kids.  I send Brock one way and I go another... yada, yada, yada... about 5 minutes later after a wild goose chase with some 4th graders who saw her once we end up in the office with Brock's teacher with Madison.  Ahhh - and let me just tell you this is not the first time this has happened.... I loose Madison almost every time I go to the school... I was SO humiliated and frustrated.  I was so mad at my kids.  And then even on the way out into the parking lot to the car they were terrible.  Running into the street, screaming, and just not listening to a thing I was saying.  Oh and Megan didn't want to leave and  threw a huge tantrum in the middle of the bus lane, took her shoes off and threw them, and everyone WAS still watching us. I HATE when I am in over my head, and I was actually in over my head (sometimes it just LOOKS like I am, but this time I really was).

We got home, I turned on a show, locked myself in my room and cried.  After 20 minutes I went downstairs, made lunch, and put all 4 of them down for a nap.  I laid in my bed, watched episodes from Thirty Rock season 1, eat a Milky Way candy bar and a bowl of chocolate pudding.  And now here I am writing this.

**Update:  Ha, ha ha.  Mrs. Sheffield just called (Brock's teacher) and she starts out by saying, "I hope you don't think this is out of line, but I have some questions for you about how you handle your children." I brace myself for the worst.  "I don't know anyone who has so many children so close together and you handle them all so great"  WHAT?!?  I stop her.  "What are you talking about", I said, "I loose Madison every time I come to the school and Brock apparently can't count to 14".  She laughed and brushed it all off as typical parenting and can't believe I don't loose all of them all the time, and even when I do I stay so calm and collected.  Well what she was really calling about was she has just had her second and wants to take bother her kids swimming and wants some tips about how to handle them both in the pool and she thought I would be the perfect person to ask. That was for SURE the emotional boost I needed.

***Update again:  It is now night time and if you thought me getting an emotional boost and a 3 hour brake while everyone took a nap would help turn our horrible day around... you would be dead wrong.  We got about a good 45 minutes of happy time before they (mostly meaning the girls, mostly meaning Megan) turned.  She had a rough day, I don't think she said one single thing to me that was not yelled or cried.  I am pretty sure she has thrown an almost 15 hour tantrum, and when she gets going they all feed into it.  I am done.  Done!