Those four word describe my evolution with eating over my lifetime.
Once upon a time eating used to be enjoyable - I only ate when I wanted to and most often for fun, social situations. I ate out a lot and ate really yummy things.
Then I got pregnant and for the first time eating became a necessity. I ate because I HAD to. I had to learn about the cues my body was giving me about what to eat, how to eat, and when to eat.
Then I started bearing these children and eating something yummy became quite the luxury. I would find quiet moments throughout the day or during nap times to make myself a yummy snack or lunch (just for me) and sit down and enjoy every piece of it. I could no longer just go into the kitchen whenever I wanted or needed to - if I did I would soon here the running of little feet and the question, "mom, what are you eating? Open your mouth - let me see it?" I looked foreword each day to my quiet time with my meals.
Now eating has become a total inconvenience. There is NO good time to do it - there is always something else I should be doing. I hate having to think about it, prepare it, actually eat it, and then clean it up. I am getting weak and losing weight fast, and yesterday I lost my milk. I have to change my attitude. I thought, "I will just eat when my kids eat, we will all sit down and eat together." As luck would have it at EVERY meal yesterday Megan would either need to eat, be put down, change her diaper, or just be fussy. I didn't get one meal with them. Then today I sat down to eat breakfast with the boys and my blood was going a million miles an hour. My mind kept saying, "the boys are being good and distracted, you could be unloading the dishwasher, changing the laundry, cleaning up the mess you just made by making breakfast, making beds, or finishing getting ready." The LAST thing I wanted to do was sit down and eat, ESPECIALLY since the boys were just sitting there eating. I felt like it was a total waste of time.
Once day I hope the list goes full circle and I will be able to enjoy eating again and maybe even go to lunch every once in a while. When do all my kids go to school?