New top picture

I love the picture at the top of my blog.  It ended up being a random picture taken at Wheeler Farm in the fall of 2010.  We were all supposed to be looking... so I thought it didn't turn out.  But later on  I realized that it actually captured great emotions and memories of our summer together. 

Last week we were at Wheeler Farm having a picnic and I decided I wanted an updated picture with Madison.  I put the camera on my stroller and set the timer to automatically take a picture ever 10 seconds.  Sadly out of about 50 pictures I didn't get one I loved.  I think a picture like that can't be forced.  The one I use now on my blog was just 1 picture - and I love it. 

Here are some of the ones I got.

This one is the winner.  When I get some time this will probably be the one on the top of my blog from now on. 

Then our picnic was overrun by geese who wanted our lunch.

Brock took this picture of me and Madison.  I didn't even know that he did - I just saw it on my camera when I got home.  Pretty good.

Halloween all in one

I am going to wrap all of Halloween into one long post. 

Ready, set, go

We started out Halloween a week early at my Grandma's annual Halloween party.

Megan was a ladybug

Madison a bee

Two cutest bugs I ever saw

Brock was Iron Man

And Noah was Spiderman

Two cutest super hero's I ever saw.

They both wore these costumes around the house the whole month of October.  Probably the best month EVER - I loved having these boys in super hero costumes all the time and acting like super heros.  It cracked me up.

I was a pumpkin.

My sisters family was fun because Brad was also Spiderman and Sam was Superman.  Wish we would have gotten a picture of all the super hero's together, but when there is candy and Halloween games - the kids have a short attention span for pictures.
 

My aunt Jen holding our little bee.

Fishing for prizes

Hitting the pinata

Eating candy

My sister Ashley with the bee (Because of Jason's work schedule I was alone at the party - so Madison had to be passed around while I did games and dinner with the kids - THANKS to everyone who helped me!!)

And a very tired superhero - it is hard saving the world

One night we made some pumpkin and ghost sugar cookies.  (Brock just happen to be in costume at the time)

He frosted these by himself.  This is the first time he has actually had the patience to sit and frost cookies.  Not bad for a first time!

And Noah and Megan just ate the frosting off the knife still.

We went to a pumpkin patch and let the kids pick out their own pumpkins - well, Brock picked Madison's for her and then we carved them.  Jason insists that the kids draw their own faces on. 

Megan did the best job of any of our 18 month old children.  We were so impressed.

We went trick or treating with all our neighbor friends.  We live in one of those neighborhoods you see in the movies.  Tons of kids running from house to house getting candy with most the houses all dolled up for Halloween.  I am so glad we ended up where we did - it fits us quite nicely.

This girl loved trick or treating.  Once she saw how the thing worked she did not want to be in the stroller or held - she wanted to walk up to each door by herself.  She was running up with the big kids most of the time.  While Noah (my doddler) was constantly 20 feet behind the group.  We went out for about an hour and a half then all three wanted to call it quits.  Brock says "I think I have enough candy, I want to go home."

Sorting through the loot.

I can't remember if I have mentioned this - and I am too lazy to go check - but Noah got really into Halloween this year.  I think it is HIS holiday.  He loves all the spooky stuff.  We would go on car rides to search out houses in our neighborhood that had decorations and loved all the Halloween stuff in stores.  The scarier the thing was the more he liked it.  Brock is cautious - doesn't like to be scared.  Noah was really into it and has decided that he wants to be the murdered from the movie Scream.  (he doesn't know it is a murderer just a "scary man") - he will NOT be that by the way.

West Jordan

I was born here in West Jordan and lived here until I was 8.  It has been fun coming back to where I used to live and have childhood memories.  I like to go shopping at Maceys because I remember shopping there.  I get a flood of happy memories driving by my old elementary or church building (both on main roads).

A few weeks ago my mom, my sister, and me decided to take a walk with our kids to go see our old house and neighborhood.  It was so fun.

This was my old house.I think it is perfect and would love to like in a house just like it.

See the giant tree in the front yard?

It looked like this when we moved (20 years ago).  But that is how I remembered it and expected it to look.  Crazy how things still change when you are gone. :)

Our kids playing on the tree - there are kid swings hanging from it - it was so big and beautiful.  My mom said her and my dad bought the tree and planted it themselves.  IT was probably the most beautiful tree perfect for swings, climbing, and tree houses - I would die to have a tree like this in my yard right now! (Don't worry - we got the owners permission to play on the tree)

The house across the street was my best friend - Jamie Harrigen (a boy). 

And this front porch is where I spent many afternoons.  All the neighborhood kids would gather on this front porch to talk on summer afternoons.

Witches

We went to our annual Gardner Village witch trip.  WE ran into my sister and her kids for a few minutes. 

Brock and Brad are CRAZY around each other... like completely insane.  They don't stop play fighting, hitting, kicking, screaming etc.  They never hurt each other or are mean, they are just so hyper and boyish.  Noah doesn't really get into it - he kind of seems overwhelmed by it all.  It was funny though because on this particular day Brock told me that he did not want to fight with Brad while they were at the witches.  And as soon as Brad saw Brock he came up to him and punched him (play) and Brock said, "Brad I don't want to be crazy and fight with you at the witches today, we can fight when we go to grandma's tomorrow".  It doesn't sound so funny and cute now that I am writing it... I guess you just had to be there. :)

Family picture time - my sister snapped this one of us "getting ready"

They have a MILLION cute fall.Halloween places to take pictures - why I decided to get one with cement and construction behind me I have no idea.

Sam and Madison

Katie (my sister) and Madison

We spent a good 30 minutes throwing rocks into their pond

She slept most the time

How we roll

I love crisp fall days.  I felt like we didn't get enough of them.

Soccer

Brock played soccer this fall.  I think it was the best moments in his life up to this point.  He loved it, he lived for it.  I unfortunately never got pictures!  Can you believe how lame I am!  Can I just say he was awesome.  This shouldn't be too surprising to those of you who know Brock.  He was born naturally athletic. 

I was hesitant to put him in because I knew once we started we were "in it" and this new phase of our life was upon us.  But he needed it and it was worth it.  Bring on the sports... the Herbert's are now ready.  Next will be school, scouting, dance, etc.  Next thing you know collages, missions, marriages... they grow up so fast :) 

They had a great team.  He even made a friend that we have been hanging out with.  That was a bonus for me!  His coach was really good with Brock - he was in a hard position (the coach) because he didn't want to hold Brock back, but he also needed to give the players chances to play.  He taught him how to pass and how to play defense.  He took defense very seriously.  He was so cute and I think I miss it more than he does.  I can't decide if I want to put him in spring soccer or try another sport.

I could just eat him up!  I wish he were smiling - because his smile was ear to ear during the WHOLE game.  But you know Brock - very serious!

Remember the time...

Remember the time that I was driving in my car and a really good song came on the radio - so I started dancing... and then Noah told me to stop dancing because it was scaring him.

Good times, good times. :)

Starting over

On Sunday night I kind of had a moment.  I asked Jason for a blessing.  In the blessing he spoke a lot about control and my issues with control.  I was perplexed with the blessing.  It was not really what I was expecting.  I am naturally a really controlling mom.  The thought of sending Brock to school next year is sending me over the edge.  The thought of losing that control drives me crazy.  I assumed that the blessing was about giving up control issues I have with my kids - but I didn't think that was my problem - because I hardly had time to spend with them to control them anyways(haha).  Today I got the answer to my prayer.

background:
I have secretly been having a hard time since Madison was born. When I say secretly I really mean that - I would not even admit it to myself. When we decided to get pregnant with our fourth I thought that if was consciously going to have 4 in 4 years - I better be able to do it - and do it well. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I didn't want to let anything go. I was going to still have a clean house, dinners made, daily outings, kids ready and dressed every day, Megan's hair always cute, and I would always shower with hair and make-up done. Why would I put all that pressure on myself? I didn't do all of that when I had no kids, or just one kid... why did I think I had to do all that with 4 kids. Crazily enough I actually did all that. I kept up. But something was missing. Joy.


I love being a mom - I seriously love it. I love love having these young kids at home. When I had Brock and Noah and was living in Provo those boys were my whole life. I took advantage of every moment and lived every moment in the moment with them. For the last year I lost that. I had been trying for the last few weeks to find it again. But at the end of the day, I just could never find the time. Everything seemed to be slipping through my hands.

So back to my answer.  I have to let go of everything else.  I realized that when I look back on these years I will mostly remember having a clean house, dinner made, and being frustrated with my kids most of the time.  Forget it.  I don't want those memories.  I want to just be with my kids.  All day.  So I am going to let go.  Forget what everyone else thinks about me or my family or "how I am doing", forget about my expectations, and just enjoy this last year with all my kids at home.  I will miss these days so much one day - and I want to be able to look back knowing that I spent them right. 

So three months after having my baby I am going to start my post-partum days over and let myself off the hook for a while.  There will be days when the dishes don't get done, or days when we are all still in our pj's when Jason gets home, and I am looking forward to it.