Spring Break

We had a pretty great Spring Break.  We got all 4 seasons during that week - so it was kind of fun!

The kids played a few board games

We baked some bread.  I just love having a video monitor.  I love watching Dane sleep.  I used to have to stand in the corner of the room to watch my babies and  to gain inspiration about what they need to help them sleep longer and see what was waking them up.   I love that I can do that on camera now while I do other things.  It is very distracting though - I find myself just watching him for a while.

One day when it snowed we took Dane out.  It was his first time out in the snow.  This baby literally spent the first 3 months of his life in doors.  He never saw the sun or the sky.  

Pi day was during spring break - so we had to make a pie!  Chocolate pudding pie!

Noah made some peanut butter cookies - his favorite.  We have found that when Noah is having a hard day he can turn it around by "producing something", working hard at something, or doing service.  He made these cookies for his cub scout troop.

I made my most favorite dinner I have ever made.  It was the first time I made it and probably the last - I was the only one who liked it.  It was Olive Garden's Chicken and shrimp carbonara.  I had been craving it for weeks - but knew I was never going to go get it - so I made it and it was perfect!

Dane was taken on a lot of walks!

WE had a crisis on bucknell.  There was a domestic dispute (we don't know them).  The cops came and all was calm for a few hours.  We were all outside watching.  Then the cops told us to all go inside.  They set up a perimeter and wouldn't let anyone go out of there houses for any reason.  Megan was at Zoe's house and Jen got stuck in a neighbors house.  Luckily I made it home by just a few minutes or I would have been separated from Dane!  They called out swat and there was an armed standoff for about 2 hours.  It was intense.  They finally got him to come out after shooting tear gas into the house.

We, of course, went to dart warz.

After dart wars we went to Wendys.

And the girls spent most of their days playing American Girl Dolls outside.

Battle of the books

We had the most amazing year at battle of the books.  Battle of the Books started in August, with meetings every Friday morning.  Brock, Noah, and Megan all participated.  I was helping my friend, Heather, who wanted to be in charge and re-do the way our school did it.  So we all went every Friday morning at 7:45.  Madison came also and hung around helping out - so it was like she did it too.  Jason read all the books with the kids (30 books!) and help them write their questions and learn the trivia.  Then in January they got together in teams and competed in a school wide battle - the winners of the battles went onto district.

This was Megan's first year doing battle of the books and she rocked it!  She read all 10 of her books really fast and never had to be reminded.

Both Brock and Megan's team won!  It was sad that Noah didn't win - Brock was actually really sad about it.

Megan's team did awesome at district.  They were mostly 3rd graders and for their first year at battle of the books they all did great.  They lost their first battle but then won every single one after that.  They ended up loosing at the semi-finals and took 4th overall.

Brock's team did AMAZING.  They went undefeated the whole season only ever missing 2 questions the whole season.  IT was awesome because Brock has done battle of the books for 4 years and has always only ever been an alternate.  So it was great for him to be part of such a great year for his final year.  At semi finals they ended in a tie - they all never missed a question.  It went into over-time lightning round - first team to miss a question looses.  They had 25 extra questions - no one ever missing and then... we missed a question.  :(  BUT they took 3rd place over all and were awesome!

These are pictures from our party the next morning.

Come Follow Me

Last year in October the church announced a change in church schedules and curriculum.  Rumors had been stirring for years - it wasn't a huge surprise.  But still shocking.  This was and is still  hard for Jason and I.  We love church.  We love 3 hour church.  We love learning about and discussing the gospel.  So much so that we do it in our home all the time anyways.  Living the gospel and teaching it to our children has never been something we have struggled with.  To be honest our real struggle is NOT teaching it all the time and being careful not to be overly zealot and turn our children away, from it just being "too much".  I felt like we had found a perfect balance.  Our children (so far) have loved the gospel and love to talk about it, learn about it, and read about it.  

When the announcement came I had a pit in my stomach.  I didn't want 2 hour church.  I didn't want to add something to our family study - becasue I felt like adding one more thing would disrupt our delicate balance of "too much" - but I didn't want to take anything away.  During Elder Cook's talk I felt like crying.  Until... he said this at the very end:

"The announcements made today will result in profound blessings for those who enthusiastically embrace the adjustments"

I was in.  I would enthusiastically embrace these changes.  I would find out how the Lord wanted me to do it in OUR home.  THEN I went to the Women's Conference that night at felt an endowment of power given to me to lead my family in this new holier way.  I was ready.  

After some discussion with Jason I spent the next 2 months praying, pondering, and searching for how the Lord wanted me to do it.  I came up with a plan and presented it to Jason.  He agreed and we presented it to the children.

The first sentence in the Come Follow, Me manual says:

The aim of all gospel learning and teaching is to deepen our conversion and help us become more like Jesus Christ. For this reason, when we study the gospel, we’re not just looking for new information; we want to become a “new creature” 

That's the key.That has become my motto.  When ever I get distracted or discouraged about not doing it the way everyone else is doing it I come back to that.  My children don't need to learn the stories or information, they already know that.  We don't need to bring the spirit into our home by discussing the gospel everyday, we already do that.  What we DO need is our children's conversion.  They need their OWN testimony.  We ALL need to become new creatures - every. single. day.  So we turned it over to them.  Every Sunday Jason and I have couple scripture study and we study the whole Come Follow Me lesson. 

Sometimes Dane joins us.

 And then we make a board - we ask question, highlight our favorite things, give a favorite quote, etc (it is different every week).  It looks like this.

Then on Sunday night we gather together and we read the chapter headings and briefly discuss the ideas behind them.  We show our kids the board and talk to them about it.  

Then over the next week they are encouraged to read the chapters on their own, add to the family "discussion board" and talk to us about it (we also do our studying independently and add to the board as the week goes on).  We have found over the past 3 months that this ONLY works if Jason and I discuss the Come Follow Me chapters during the week at random times.  We casually talk about our favorite parts or discuss a certain aspect of the story.  Our children naturally want to be in on those conversations so it motivates them to read it so they can talk with us.  By the end of the week the board will look something like this:

Then we discuss the board at the end of the week.  We still do everything else and keep it separate (read the BoM every day as a family, do separate FHE, have other gospel discussions, etc)

Some weeks it goes well.  Some weeks don't.  On the weeks that don't I get discouraged and think "this isn't working, we need to change something, we aren't doing it right, we should do it everyday" or something like that.  And almost immediately the spirit rests upon my heart and reminds me conversion is the goal and we are planting seeds that will flower in the future and to be patient and keep sewing.  So we do.  We are playing to long game.  It has been a blessing in our home and I am grateful for this opportunity to be more intentional, more in tune, and if nothing else to teach me how to receive more revelation for my family and to take the lead in the spiritual development of our family.  I thought that Come, Follow Me was something we didn't need - but we would do to be obedient.  How wrong I was.  Looking back it was like I was playing the piano with snow gloves on.  I was going through the motions, but the music wasn't quite right.  Now the gloves are off, and while my music still isn't perfect,  I see the potential and the improvement, I hear the difference.  Come, Follow me has given me visions, ability, focus, and purpose. It has elevated our home and scripture study and refocused our attention. 

Winter doings

This winter has been spent mostly in doors with out too much excitement.  We are all pretty content to sit around and read books and play with Dane.  Although we did get out a few times:

We had a few nice days.  One Saturday we went to the park and played tennis.  Dane was pretty happy in his stroller.  Megan and her friend took him on walks around the pond. 

The kids went sledding a few times.

One morning it had snowed and when I came downstairs to take them to school (sometimes they are getting ready and eating breakfast on their own while I feed Dane or... sleep:) I found them outside shoveling.  This older kid thing kinda rocks.

My old visiting teacher, Jane Guthrie, is a true minister.  She hasn't visit taught me in a few years but she continues to minister to me and mostly my children.  She brought us over this Lego Temple and the kids were in love. 

Daddy Daughter Dance and Mother Son Dart Wars

Our school does their parent child nights in February.  The girls got to go the daddy daughter dance.  They got to eat from a chocolate fountain and ride in a limo (just around the school parking lot).  It is one of their favorite nights of the year.  

We went to mother son dar wars night.  It was awesome!

It is nice to get to spend time with one or some of the kids.  Jason and I actually have talked about how we need to make sure this happens - intentionally.  A lot of people from families with 5 or more kids will often say that their parents were just herd or mass parenting and there wasn't' much one on one attention.  I don't think that is sufficient in this day and age.  We have to parent one on one and be intentional.  So we have a system where each child gets to have "special time" each month with a different parent.  They get to pick the activity.  I hope this bares good fruit.

Boys Scouts

Brock and I went to our first court of honor.  I am sad to admit it was my first court of honor ever.  I guess I wasn't a very involved sister.  I don't know why I didn't go to Daniel's Eagle court of honor.  But I didn't.  It was actually really emotional for me.  I cried.  One of the boys was getting his Eagle and I realise how badly I wanted my sons to get their Eagles.  I know the new program will be great - but I wanted them to get their Eagles.  And they both like boy scouts and want to get their Eagles.  I know we still could - but I don't want to do it that way.  I want to go 100% in on the new program.  I love the boy scouts and I am sad to see it go.

alone

This was a post I never posted from last year.  Not as applicable since I am no longer alone.  ha

Nothing ever makes me feel so alone as walking by this all day.

This is how it usually looks.  I can tell all my people are gone.... out into the world.

Dane

Some more of Dane.  It may be getting a little out of control - I just can't help myself.  He is so cute and we all just love him so much. 

This guy

Jason is our rock.  He has been holding this whole train together for the last little while.  We kind of have this "having a new baby" thing down pat and we both easily slide back into our roles.  He has been so helpful with everything: the older kids, the house, dinner, dishes, grocery shopping, homework, the baby, my emotions, etc.  Plus he has his usual stuff.  He has been working on his MBA the last year and while it is getting harder - he tries really hard not to have homework interfere with family time.  Dane loves him very very much and wants to be with him more often then not.  It seems someone is always clamoring for Jason's attention around here and he is always willing to give it - even when he has a million other things to do - but feels like doing nothing.  It is no secret Jason struggles with depression and some (most)(all) days it is a giant mountain to climb just to get out of bed - but our kids would never know it.  Despite Jason's depression the one thing he feels MORE than depression is selflessness, duty, and love.  And for that... we are the luckiest family in the world.

Thoughts on Marriage and Divorce

***A post I have been working on since August 2017!!!!***

August 2017:
We have had a crazy couple of weeks around here.  I am taking a break from my usual "catching up" (I am still on June) to talk about something I have been thinking about for the last week or so.  Just to give some context: Jason got laid-off about a month ago (I will talk in more detail about that later).  But since he was home for the last week or so of summer we decided to take a last minute trip to Arkansas to visit his brother and his family.  Then a few days after we got home my grandfather passed away and we took another last minute trip to Utah for the funeral.  I was not very close with my grandpa - or anyone on my dad's side of the family really.  I grew up seeing them about once a year (at most) and then after the age of about 16 I have seen most of them just a hand full of times (and that is generous).  But seeing them all again got me thinking about my heritage.

I believe I have a wonderful and blessed heritage.  My Patriarchal Blessing tells me I have come to this world under the most favorable of circumstances - and only now am I starting to even catch a glimpse of what that means.  Honestly I always felt it had to do with my mom's side of the family.  I have always felt a strong heritage there and felt that they are what really shaped me and where Heavenly Father meant to have me be - my dad's side always seemed... well... not blessed.  But the older I get the more I realize what wonderful examples I have had of pressing forward, enduring to the end, and love.

Marriage is hard.  I remember people saying that when I was in my 20's and not even really connecting with what they meant.  I assumed they meant family life: working, budgeting, cleaning, stuff like that.... that was hard.  It wasn't until about 8 years into marriage when things got hard.  And they got really really hard.  I don't want to get too personal or air our dirty laundry, but we found ourselves in a place that I could have never imagined on our wedding day and we found ourselves in marriage counseling 11 years into marriage.  We never really talked about divorce, or separation, but it almost seemed inevitable.  There were lots and lots of things that kept us from going down that road: love, promises, covenants, hope, friendship, kids, logic, etc.  But now looking back I see one that I didn't see back then.  In hind sight I recognize that a large part that held our marriage together was our whole extended family literally held us together.  Neither of us had great examples of what going down "that" road looked like.  It would have been like going out into uncharted territory.  I have no examples of "how to get a divorce" or "how to share custody".  All these thoughts came in hind sight (when you are in that situation it seems impossible to see the forest through the trees) - but I can clearly see now that our marriage and our family was saved by every marriage in our family who decided to stay.  One thing I did think, on those REALLY hard days, when I really did want to give up, I thought "____ didn't give up - and her situation was way worse".  And I can honestly fill in that blank with a dozen names.

 Jason and I both have great examples of staying together, even when things are hard, even when things are bad, even when there doesn't seem to be any love or trust or good choices.  Even when we can clearly see that one spouse is imperfect or down right terrible. They have chosen to endure.  And we have seen, in most cases, love come back around in the end.  Neither of our parents divorced, neither one of our grandparents divorced.  That is pretty rare - even more rare for our children - 4 generations (and more) on both sides of no divorces.  None of my mom's or dad's siblings have divorced in my memory (my dad's brother divorced from a short marriage when I was a toddler - but has since been married for over 20 years).   I can look at every single one of my aunts and uncles marriages and see that there was a time that they could have or maybe should have divorced.  But they didn't.  They have stayed.  Our heritage is staying.  It made it easier to stay.  I honestly believe that if we had a different heritage, if our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and brothers and sisters had been getting divorced and remarried, it would have been easier to talk about it, to think about it, or to do it.

When you stay together, it doesn't only strengthen your marriage but it blesses the marriages and families of those around you who are influenced by you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you to my family, my mom's family, my dad's family, Jason's family, who stayed.  Who stayed when it wasn't easy.  Who stayed when it was hard.  Who stayed when there was no reason to stay.  When it would have been easier to walk away.  You saved us.  We have a great heritage to pass down to our kids.  This is rare.  Please keep staying.  Let's not ruin it.  I really did come into this world under the most favorable of circumstances.

Madison

Madison got to take gymnastics classes this winter.  She has become obsessed with all things gymnastics.  We can not keep her still.  She is constantly doing cartwheels and headstands.  For Christmas she gave us a coupon book she made at school and one of the coupons said, "one hour of no gymnastics in the house" - Jason said, "I don't believe you can do that".  ha

She loved gymnastics and can't wait to do it again (probably in the summer).

Our little miss Maddie has developed quite a bad attitude.  It started about a year ago.  When I told her I was pregnant she said, "as soon as you told me I would be a big sister it fixed my whining problem".  It actually did - for about a month.  But during the month of February it got out of control.  She complained about EVERYTHING.  We made a happy jar and if she filled it up she got a reward.  I asked her what she wanted her reward to be - we could go and do or get anything she wanted.  She said what she wanted the most was to give Dane a bath.  I think she is going to turn out ok. :)