Conference

We love our conference weekend.  Dane thoroughly enjoyed "guess who's coming to dinner" - even the delivering part. 

Brock wanted his haircut for Homecoming (the night of conference) so in between sessions I cut all the boys' hair - including Danes.

This year's conference was a little rough.  Brock had a football game during the morning session and homecoming during the evening session and Madison had soccer during the afternoon session.  Jason did all of those so I was home managing conference and the babies - which proved to be very difficult.  I ended up giving up on listening to conference and just played with the babies.  That hurt my heart, and then I felt guilty for it hurting my heart because I really shouldn't love conference that much and OBVIOUSLY I can watch/listen/read it later and I should just focus on my kids, but my feelings got in the way and I couldn't feel the way I wanted to feel, it was a vicious cycle.  But then Jason came home from the activities with the kids and then they had to make up conference - so I was alone with the kids/babies again.  It was a difficult weekend - not because it was actually difficult but because it didn't match my expectations and I had a hard time adjusting and being flexible with my emotions. 
 

Homecoming

This cute boy went to his first high school dance.  I was reluctant to let him go because it seemed "shady".  Back when I was in high school I (and my friends) went to school dances before 16.  It was a date.  But the parents justified it by saying "they go as a group".  It was a lie.  Sure, we went in a group, but we were paired off in dates.  Obviously.  I didn't want to be tricked, like our parents were.  But truly they went as a group.  Most LDS kids have always just gone in a big group, just like a stake dance.  they all go, they dance with everyone, boys mostly hang out with boys and girls hang out with girls. No body asked anybody.  Ok, off my soap box.

He was pretty cute about the whole thing.  Because he is a boy I didn't even think about what he would wear.  I figured he would just wear what he had.  But he cared.  He asked me to iron his shirt AND his tie and tried on 2 or 3 different ties.  He also asked me to help him do his hair and he shaved of his own accord.   

He is the sweetest and I hope he stays liking me throughout his high school years.  He did tell me yesterday in the car (while I had taken 2 hours out of my Saturday to take him to a job fair) that I was "sometimes annoying about all the stuff I wanted him to do".  Well... if that's annoying then call me annoying, because since football ended he sits on his bed listening to music or audio books from 3 pm - 9 pm.  So... I will be telling him things to do!

One of the girls mom is a photographer so we got a lot of pictures.

Emily Rosenbaum, Audra Marriot (Brock has a crush on her and I am sure purposely stood by her), Brock, Ash Henniger, Evan Roper, I don't know that girl (and neither did Brock), Dallin (I don't know his last name), Riley Whey, Cameron Neyenhuis

The Rosenbaums hosted a dinner before the dance.  

Oh, and Homecoming is a BIG deal here.  It takes up 100% of their whole week.  They have movies, bon fires, sports, dinners, games, etc everyday the whole week before.  And becasue he is a teenage boy I will likely never have pictures of him at any of those activities.  It is sad to start to loose a bit of his history and life.  

 

She is walking!

It took a while.  But now she is walking and running.  Having her not crawling anymore was sad.  I love having a crawling baby.  I love when they come up and put their hands on my legs while I do the dishes.  I love the sound.  I love their little bum in the air.  I love when they get stuck.  But her walking is pretty fun!

 

Primary Program

Megan has become a wonderful piano player.  She was asked to accompany "I am a Child of God" in the primary program.  She practiced for weeks and weeks and poured her whole heart into making it perfect and she did a phenomenal job.  It was perfect.  No mistakes.  Smooth.  Beautiful.  I was so impressed.  She has greatly exceeded my piano skills and I am so proud of her.

 

IEP's and Parent Teacher Conferences

 First quarter just ended and I have finally wrapped up all of my children's Parent Teacher Conferences, IEP evaluations, and 504 evaluations.  I feel the need to report my complete joy  at the wonderful reports I got from their teachers.  Every single meeting I attended the teachers praised my children.  They all seem to be thriving.  They all perform very differently at school and have their own set of strengths and weaknesses and over the years many of them have struggled with many different things.  For years I would get in the car after parent teacher conferences and just cry.  The stark difference this year was so obvious I needed to record it.  My kids are happy in class.  Social.  Participate.  Engaged. Inquisitive.  Caring.  Productive.  Hard working.  A light.  The boys' teachers specifically pointed out that they are a "joy".  I have no idea what it is really going to take emotionally to get these 4 kids through high school.  From my vantage point right now it seems as though are hardest days are behind us (I have put in SO MUCH blood, sweat, and tears to get us here, I (we) have labored and worked and prayed, studied, researched and sacrificed) but I feel to say that I know things swing back around and there will be hard days, weeks, and years.  There may be a year when all 4 are struggling and I am back in that car crying.  But that too will swing back around and I need to remember years like this.  We are building.  It is messy.  But we are headed in the right direction.  I am so proud of my kids.  The best thing about them is that they are good.  They want to be good.  They want to do what is right.  They want to help.  They want to be successful.  I have come to find out this isn't true for everyone, and not everyone has that innate instinct.  It has nothing to do with the parents.  It is just inside of you.  And all 4 of them have it.  It has made parenting a joy.

Councils

 I don't know if I have mentioned before but the Holy Ghost lives in my phone.  My good friend, Mandy Ricks, taught me this principle and I have found it to be true.  One of the ways I know this is through my conference talks.  I have about 270 "favorite" conference talks on a play list that listen to on shuffle while in my car.  It is amazing how the Holy Ghost uses this playlist to teach me things I need to know and do.  Sometimes the talks play nicely on shuffle and I hear a variety of great talks.  And then, all of the sudden, I will get the same talk 4, 5, 6, even 10 or 12 times in a week or 2.  It is crazy.  It isn't on repeat, and it doesn't repeat, it still shuffles through talks, but every other, or every third talk will come back to the same talk, and then, once I learn the principle or make the change in my life it moves on and I won't hear that talk for another few months.  This has happened with Elder Ellis "Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good" and Elder Robbins, "The Righteous Judge", just to name a few.  But the one that has changed our lives and impacted the whole family is Elder Ballard's "Family Councils".  I am regretful to say that it actually took more than just this talk to get me to hear His message.  This talk starting coming on a lot.  The first 2 or 3 times it was fine.  But then it got annoying.  It is a fine talk, but pretty administrative, and not really a "feel good" talk, so after about the 3rd time I started skipping it (not recognizing that it was a message from the Lord).  Then my (same) good friend, Mandy came over and we started talking and she was telling me a story and mentioned their family councils.  "oh", I said, "tell me about your councils."  She started to tell me all about their family councils, executive councils, and one on one councils.  It was fascinating and seemed simply wonderful.  I thought "well that is nice, wouldn't it be nice to have councils" (I am so dumb sometimes).  Then I got in the car to pick up some kids and, again, Elder Ballard's council talk came on, I instinctively went to skip and... then... like a lightning bolt, I got the message.  THIS is what our family needed to do to make the changes we need.  

Obviously I went home and announced that we were going to start having councils and everyone jumped for joy and said, "oh, I am so excited, great idea!" including Jason.  ha  But good things I was determined.  I have tried to push through the complaints and grumblings.  But to be honest we have struggled the last month or so.  For MANY reason.  But I am committed to keeping it a priority even though schedules and emotional resilience wanes sometimes.  

Girls Trip

 I went on my first mother-daughter/girls trip with Megan in September.  Our trip wasn't what we had originally planned but it was what the Lord had planned.  Our good friend, Kinsey Preece, was getting married in Utah.  Because of our unique friendship with Kinsey and her family Jason and I felt like at least one of us (if not all) should go to her wedding.  The problem was it was mid-week, kids have school, sports, and then theirs the babies.  Plus kids weren't really invited to the ceremony.  But we ended up deciding we would drive out, spend 3 or so days, and drive home.  Then the week of the wedding the babies got really sick, and on top of that Dane was doing terribly with potty training.  So about 3 days before the wedding we decided I would fly out in the morning and fly back in the night.  I went to buy my ticket and discovered that it was 37 dollar round trip!!  The idea popped into my head that I should take Megan with me, since it was so cheap.  Jason agreed.  So off we went.

It was a whirlwind of a trip, but it was perfect.  It was just what me and Megan needed, it was obvious within the first 30 seconds of pulling out of our driveway that she needed this time with me (and I with her).  She left he flood gates down and started pouring out her heart to me.  I learned a lot about Megan on our trip, the biggest thing is what a smarty pants she is.  I knew she was school smart, but boy is she street smart.  I need her as my travel companion from now on.  She knew everything, where i parked the car, she remembered our flight number and gate number, she knew instinctively where to go in the airports.  She kept me on task, organized, and headed in the right direction.  It was fabulous. 

We got to Utah at midnight the night before the wedding.  My dad picked us up and we spent the night at my parents house.  Both Megan and I slept in and enjoyed a very quiet unrushed morning and went to breakfast with my mom.

Then we went to the wedding.  It was beautiful.  Since we were from out of town we didn't really know anyone else, so Megan and I just got to spend the whole time together at the ceremony, luncheon, and reception talking and just enjoy being together.

We had about 3 hours between the ceremony and the reception.  I gave Megan lots of choices of things we could do during that time.  She decided she wanted to do a "temple tour" and just walk the grounds of some Utah temples.  She originally had 4 temples, but once we started we realized how long it would take to get to each one we only did Timpanogos and Jordan River.  She is a woman after my own heart.  If I got to pick one thing to do that is what I would have picked as well.  It was wonderful!

Kinsey's mom is Rachel Bliss.  She is very dear to my heart and I am glad I got to support her at her daughter's wedding.  About an hour into the reception we headed to the airport and got home about midnight.  It was fast and furious but SO WORTH IT!

Thanks Kinsey for the invite and for an opportunity to spend 24 hours with just Megan.  

 

My growth

This has been a strange fall for me.  2021 has been a year of growth and knowledge for me.  I have shared in previous blog posts about some of my ways of studying, hearing Him, and constantly having the Holy Ghost.  At the end of summer Heavenly Father gave me opportunities that would grow and stretch me, you know, becasue if you are going to build muscles  you should be able to use them, they aren't just to look good, or put spiritually, I needed to be a doer,  not just a hearer of the word.  He started to send me people who needed my help, almost daily.  It became comical to me and Jason.  Then In the beginning of September I was finished with my study of April's General Conference.  I wondered what I should do for the month before general conference to prepare.  Should I study my most favorite ones? Review my notes daily? Drop my GC study and just study the scriptures?  Review a previous conference?  I took it to the Lord and He told me very clearly to share what I had learned through social media.  I DID NOT want to do that.  Very few people knew about my intense study of GC and I don't like making it public.  But I knew that was what He wanted me to do.  So I did it.  

From that moment on my spirituality started to decline, and fast. I wasn't sure why.  I did all the things I knew to do.  Life comes with ebs and flows and the worst things to do is panic.  I went back to my foundation - put down and anchor, spread the sails, got back to basics.  But yet the darkness kept creeping in.  I wondered if I had misinterpreted the prompting to start the FB page.  Had I got it wrong?  Nope.  Was I managing it wrong?  (I did it from 6 to 7 am before my family woke up) Nope.  THEN WHAT?  I got nothing.  

I am STARTING to come out of it.  Two months later.  I have identified several reasons for the darkness.  Some lie at the heart of sin.  I needed to repent.  I had become light minded about the promptings and people the Lord were sending to me, I even complained about them.  I learned that while the Facebook page was good for the world (I know I helped many people), it was not good for me.  I had more muscles to develop before I can lift something that heavy.  At the time I didn't have words for it, but, now, I can say with Elder Renlund that I had failed the spiritual stress test of doing and receiving work and praise outside the home.  It made me focus less on my family and more on myself, even if just in thought and not in deed.  In an ideal world I should be able to do both.  But i learned that I can't yet, and again, to quote Elder Renlund, "it doesn't mean I am hopeless, it means I need to change, and that is good to know."  It is good to know.  

I feel as though I have been through 2 months of chastening, and oh how grateful I am for it.  There were other lessons to learn.  One came along with CFM this week.  Now that temples are opened it is required of me to go.  I could receive the power from the temple while it was closed in my own home and in my own study BECAUSE it wasn't available to me.  But now that I can go that power can only be given to me IN the temple.  I have to go if I want to feel that way again.  Also, much help came in the war chapters in the BoM (and president Nelon's talk about Moroni a few conferences ago).  Never stop preparing, make strong my weak places, prepare mind to hear the word of the Lord, etc.  Great lessons were learned.  I know more times like this will come and that is good to know.

 

Noah's Birthday

Noah turned 13 this year.  It was his "off year" for a party so we just spent a night at home with the family.  Noah asked for all Legos for his birthday.  He took a few years off of Lego's and I love that it is back. 

Some wonderful things about Noah

• Noah is killing it in life.  He is thriving in almost every category.  I will list them below.
• He has had a lawn mowing business for the last 2 summers.  He does a great job, I have almost nothing to do with it, he remembers, he does it, it is great.  
• While he doesn't exactly "save" his money, he is pretty kind and responsible with it.  Last year he basically "ate it" (bought candy), but this summer he didn't buy hardly any candy.  The first thing he did was buy everyone in the family Christmas presents (yes... in July) and then bought himself Legos.  He often also buys gifts for friends.
• He loves to take long bike rides, especially to Target to buy his treasures.  He also enjoys riding to a river by our house and watching the water.  He says it makes him feel peaceful.
• He is really good at monitoring his mental health.  He knows when he isn't doing good.  He knows how to get him out of that place.  He knows his triggers, he knows what will help him.
• He discovered audio books.  It was wonderful, if he was listening to an audio book he could do ANYTHING.  Cleaning, hard labor, weeding, exercise.  Anything.  It was his (mine) secret weapon.  But now it is his curse.  He has become obsessed and it is hard for him to live life with out an audio book.  (you can see the headphones on the table, I FORCED him to take them off for the picture).  We are trying to figure out how to manage it.
• He is SO GOOD with the babies.  He is our most trusted.  He is so fun with them, throws a lot of energy at them, cares a lot, and they love him.  He is adorable. 
• He is doing great at school.  His parent teacher conference was amazing.  All his teachers sincerely love him and he is doing all his work.  He is managing it all by himself and doing great.  I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but we just finished the first quarter and it never did.
• He is always the first one done with this jobs/chores.  And he always does them without me having to ask.
• He never complains about what I make for dinner.

 

Our new normal...

I am in a place of trying to figure out what kind of mom and what kind of life I am going to have with these 2 littles.  In my head for the last 4 years I thought I could recreate the childhood of the first 4 (or at least for the 7 hours a day the older kids are at school.  But I am just now realizing that is not going to happen.  I won't go into all the reasons why but it just isn't in the cards.  I can't run their life like a preschool or have it be all about them.  It makes the family out of balance.  This realization comes with a lot of grief in my heart, but since i have accepted it I feel a lot of peace and vision for the future.  This realization ALSO brings a lot of cleaning out at rearranging of our house.  Things I held on to 

to do it with these 2 need to be cleaned out.  We aren't going to do it.  And even if we did the 1 hour activity isn't worth ALL the storage space in our house.   But... that isn't the purpose of this post. 

The purpose is the three of us.  It has been so great having these 2 to myself for 6 hours a day.  And while it has taken an adjustment, it was a challenge I was up for.  Our days are slow, boring, lonely, and monotonous sometimes but also full of little moments of sweet joy. 

In my previous life I did an outing with the kids 4  or 5 times a week, sometimes 2 a day.  Now I can do 1 big one once a week.  Which I still think is awesome.  We get to the park at least once a week and library story time once a week (sometimes those are the same day).  I try to do a playdate once a week (also sometimes overlapped with the previous mentioned activities).  There is an errand day.  And usually a bum around the house day.  

Here are some pictures of some of our favorite outings

Chuck e Cheese.  It is not as good as it used to be (no more coins or tickets) but still ok.

Bike rides to the park.

Belleview park for a train ride and river play

Errand day: grocery store

Feeding Ducks

We play in the back yard A LOT.  Several times a day.  The front yard too.  It is like 2 different parks 

Swimming

 We especially love out hammock, and reading books in it.

We also watch some shows.