Crib

I was going through my "draft" file and found that I never posted this.  This was originally written in January of 2014.  It was supposed to be an elaborate post about my internal feelings of having my last baby out of her crib and knowing, that most likely, we were done having babies.  The post never got past two paragraphs - and now that I am more than a year away from it - I can say that there was an ache - but it was minimal.  It comes back sometimes - but mostly I am at peace.  I will have always wanted 12 kids - but I know that this is our family.  However, I can cry in one second if I think about those first 3 or 4 years of having babies.  They were sacred and can never be replaced and would relive them in a heart beat if I could.  I would have absolutely done nothing different.

Below is what I wrote a year ago:

Many friends knew me well enough to send me this link.  It is a beautiful blog post from a mother who just took her last babies crib down.  She talks about how she has to learn to live with the ache of knowing there are no more babies coming.  While most mothers can relate to that feeling - I felt very loved when about 5 different people sent it to me over the course of a week - each stating that they thought of me when they read it.  It made me feel like there ARE people out there who KNOW me.  Especially since being far away from all friends and family - I have struggled to feel like anyone truly KNOWS me here - yet. 

As fate would have it, the week that everyone was sending me the article we were in fact in the process of taking down Madison's crib and transitioning her into a toddler bed.  And there it is - waiting for the garbage man to come pick it up.  And I feel an ache.