Fourth of July

I took way to many pictures for the fourth of July.  Truth be told - I will make confession.  I broke my camera.  I am so devastated by it.  I have been keeping it a secret because I didn't want to tell Jason - I just thought I could get it fixed with out him ever knowing (not because he would be mad - but because he has been so stressed lately with work, van, baby, tests, finances etc - I just didn't want to add to it.)  But it would cost more than the camera is worth to fix it.  I could cry.  So while we were at my mom's for  the fourth I borrowed their camera - I finally got some pictures.  (Camera has been broken for almost a month - and with an adorable 14 month old - hard not to take pictures at that age.)

The day started with a wonderful breakfast at my parents house.

And then squirt guns in the backyard.  Jason and I actually took off after breakfast to go look at some vans - no luck.

Slip n' slide in the afternoon.  From what I am told - my boys would not participate (this picture was forced) - both my boys are pretty big wusses when it comes to water.

Then we had a bbq with the whole extended family after naps.

Here is my cute Fourth of July girl.  She actually picked her outfit out herself.  Hard to believe but I swear.  This girl is particular about her clothes.  I had a bunch of clothes (red white and blue) in a pile and I was tying to figure out what I wanted her to wear.  She grabbed this skirt and shirt and started hitting me with it.  I tried putting other things on her and she would cry and pull at them until I took them off.  Everytime she sees the shirt she tries to wear it now. 

 This girl of ours has no idea that she is not 3 years old.  She 100% thinks she is just like her brothers - and throws a FIT if you don't treat her like it.  She is fiercely independent and strong willed - she is very assertive and can definitely hold her own.  I think these qualities are great for her - especially with 2 older brothers. 

 The fam

Megan and her cousin (well - really she is my cousin) Millie

 Millie and Noah

 Jason took this picture of Megan - this is what Megan does to Jason if he is not holding her. 

 And now she is happy as a clam

Then we did the slip n' slide again after the bbq/before fireworks with all the cousins.

As mentioned before my boys are way lame when it comes to water.  This is not true for Megan.  She loves the water - she especially loves it being sprayed in her face - weird.  She played on the slip n' slide all night.  She got soaked.  She loved every minute of it.

Megan and Noah fighting over fireworks - pretty typical for them - btw: Megan is always the one to start it. 

Cute story: After this photo was taken, Megan won the battle and successfully stole Noah's box of sparklers, Noah started to cry while Megan ran away with the box.  Brock hopped off his chair and ran after Megan, took the sparklers from Megan and gave them back to Noah.  Then he took his sparklers out of his box and gave the empty box to Megan.  He realized she didn't care about the sparklers just wanted a box like everyone else.  He is definitely the oldest child.

We just did sparklers at my mom's house because we went and did fireworks with our neighbors.  Megan needed to go to bed.  The boys had remembered sparklers from last year and were really excited to do them.  On the first one Noah got burned (just enough to scare - not actually burn).  This freaked Brock out and he wouldn't do anymore.  Noah couldn't care less and kept doing them.

We ended our night at the Jones/Adams houses doing fireworks.  We stayed out until 10:30 - that is a record for our boys I think. 

The group:

Me and Boo

Natalie and Holly with their babies - Jillian and Warren - such troopers - Megan was FAST asleep at this point.

Outside

We have been spending a lot of time outside in our yard.  I have always been the type to want to get out and go places everyday with my kids - but when you have a yard, bikes, and neighbor friends - it makes it hard to get motivated.  My kids have just has much fun playing outside with their friends as they do on our "outings". 

Megan just loves to play in the dirt - this would also include eating the dirt.  I gave up on this fight when Brock was about 14 months old.  If it won't poison them or choke them - I just let them do it.

  

My boys love to climb.  We had two pretty big apple trees in our backyard that were great for them to climb on - then we chopped them down.  Our pear trees are not big enough for them to climb - and I have yet to find a swing set/climbing structure for them.  So one day I looked in my backyard and saw this...

 oh brother... they will climb on anything.

We have also been outside a lot because of my WONDERFUL mother-in-law.  After we finished our backyard she felt that our front yard should be done as well.  When I told her it was not a priority nor in the budget, she took matters into her own hands.  She came up for 2 full days with trucks full of dirt, compost, flowers, and bushes.  She worked like a mad woman.  She is like that - such a worker.  She mostly did the entire thing by herself.  (Jason helped move some rocks when he got home from work.)  I kept looking out my window seeing her work in the middle of the day, in the high heat, and was just amazed at what hard worker she is,and completely selfless.  She is a better woman than I  - there I some things that are just a man's job in my opinion.  I should have gotten a picture of her working - but I didn't.

But the kids liked to play in the sand.

I didn't take any before photo's.  So I went through my archives to see if I could find any that showed my front yard.  Here are a few that will give you an idea of "before".

 Right when we moved in.  You can see the "flower bed" off to the left - straight, lined with bricks, and overgrown. 

Here is a shot later in the summer.  Actually Jason's mom and dad came right after I had Megan last summer and cleaned it up to look like this.  So they have done this twice!  They pulled weeds and threw in some nice compost.  The roses, rocks, and bricks were already there.  You can see off to the right of the picture how under my bay window looked.  Basically nothing, but two layers of pavers.

This is a picture from last summer (another child eating dirt).  I never did anything with it.  I just kind of let the weeds grow.

And the after:

 Wow right?  You should see it in person.

She took out the pavers and made it all curvy.  It is actually hilly too (you just can't tell in the pictures) it ebs and flows from one plant or rock to another.  She added a bunch of beautiful bushes and ground covering - I can not wait for next spring/summer to see it really do it's thing.

 It is so sad to me to note that some of it is dying.  I have no idea why.  I have done everything she has told me to do and been diligent in watering.  These were my favorite ground coverings too.  I water them everyday still in hopes they will recover.

This is Brock's plant.  It bloomed yesterday and he was so excited.  He got a seed in primary awhile ago and he has been taking great care of it.  I was SURE we had killed it and I didn't know how to explain to him that although he took care of it - it still died.  Especially since he said his faith was like the seed.  I am GRATEFUL that this thing bloomed - there was definitely a higher power involved.

 Another shot of the beautifulness.

She added this whole bed - it used to be grass up to the fences.  You can't see but there are some great flowers and bushes that will get big in a few years - and some ivy too.

And then my mountain.  I was the one that really wanted this since I moved in - but figured it would be a few years.  I wanted a rock mountain for my kids to climb - and I thought it would make the bay window look nice.

This is how it will look for now.  Phase two will hopefully be next year.  We ran out of rocks, dirt, plants, and will (and by we I of course mean her - she did it all). I have some ground cover planted in between the rocks - so hopefully that will be SO pretty next spring.  And...yes my kids love to climb on it.

 We have this "well" on the left for now.  The sprinkler system valves and box were in the bed and we didn't want to move it so she put bricks around it.  I will eventually extend the "mountain" and rocks around it so you won't see the "well" from the street.  The "mountain" will wrap around the side of my house and die out into the bed that she made in the corner.  It will be wonderful.

After the first two layers of rocks I am going to plateau it and put some flowers and foliage and then it will go up one or two more layers of rocks - then with some bigger bushes and flowers on top. I really want one of those small gnarly trees - but my mother-in-law says you shouldn't put trees that close to your house. Sad.

I am so grateful to Debby for doing this.  She is awesome.  I love looking out my bay window, pulling up in my driveway, and going out n the evenings and watering.  It has been so fun for us!

Another journalish post

Today was a day full of emotions.  Our good friends, the Tobler's, blessed their baby girl today down in Provo.  It was so special to be with them. They had their first child about a year and a half ago, but lost him due to cord complications, seeing them with their new little girl has been so wonderful.  They live in the apartment complex where we used to live, and attend the married student ward that we attended.  We went back to our old chapel.  Jason's parents live in Mapleton and it was nap time so we decided to take the kids there first and nap them, then Jason and I just went to the blessing by ourselves. 

It was surreal.  We sat there - in a sacrament meeting, with no kids, pregnant, surrounded by newly weds, students, and first time parents.  I really didn't feel any different from them.  I started to think of my time there - how it seems like just 2 seconds ago, I sat with Jason in the same pews being pregnant with Brock.  Now we sat there, pregnant with our fourth!  How did we get here?  I don't know quite what I am trying to say... I hope you are maybe reading between the lines and feeling what I am trying to convey.  It is amazing how the Lord leads you and directs your path when you let him.  His plans for us are far greater that the plans we have for ourselves.  Our path has rarely been clear, and has taken many turns, but the consistency is that we have always known that He is there and that our choices regarding our family have been right.  Part of me wished that I could have gone right back to us at 22, sitting in that pew, awaiting the arrival of our first child, both of us studying for finals.  I would not have done anything different - it was just a good time in our life.  One I will always cherish.

After the blessing I went to a viewing.  My friends that I worked with back in my working days (before I had Brock) lost their 2 year old son last week.  His death was sudden and unexpected.  I worked with Brooke and Brek - Brooke and I were both expecting our first sons together and took maternity leave at the same time.  They have three sons (all about the same age as my three).  I, of course, could not help but put myself in their shoes and think about losing my little Noah.  I could barely keep myself together to go through the line and express my love to them.  They are strong, good people...things like this are hard to understand.  I expected to stay at the viewing most of the night but I decided to hurry home to see my babies before they went to bed.  I am glad I did.

Babysitting and some randomness

This weekend I babysat my friend's 3 kids overnight, at their house, with my kids.  I had a 5 year old (Rachel), 4 year old (Brock), 3 year old (Andrew), 2 year old (Noah), and two 1 year olds (Megan and Cara - just about 2 weeks apart) - not to mention 8 months pregnant.  It was a bit crazy but surprisingly enough - it was super easy.  We had a great time.  I wish I would have brought my camera - especially for Megan and Cara - they were so cute.  And they kind of look like twins I think - not identical - but could definitely be mistaken for twins.  There were moments when I thought "I could do this" (even the twin thing) but by the end of the weekend I realized that while I COULD do it - I don't think it would raise very good children or great adults.  We were in survival mode most of the time.  I went straight from preparing meals/snacks, feeding children, cleaning up, changing diapers, putting someone down for a nap, and then starting that routine over and over again - with an occasional cleaning up of toys, refereeing an argument, or fixing a toy.  I couldn't really even imagine having to fit in laundry, house cleaning, or grocery shopping (although I did leave her house clean, with dishes and floors done).  Not to mention trying to TEACH the children anything or spend one on one time or instill values in them.  So while it is manageable, I don't think anyone could really be successful at it.

We are also in the throws of the whole mini van thing.  It sucks.  First off I don't even really want one - I just have to buy one.  So I am not that motivated.  Nor can we really afford it - so that just adds to the procrastination.  When we started the search I had NO IDEA what I wanted - I was willing to take just about anything - since I felt all of it was stupid.  Now the pendulum has swung in the complete opposite direction - I know EXACTLY what I want - and I am not willing to settle on anything less.  The problem is it is incredibly hard to find.  I have about 5 dealers out there looking specifically just for me, and week after week they are coming up empty handed.  I am working against a time table here - so I ask them if I should just settle and the all assure me they can find it - I just have to be patient.  I can be - I just hope the same is true for our baby.  What I want is a Toyota Sienna 2007-2010 8 seats with power doors (at least one anyways) under 80K miles.  Everything else I could care less about.  There are specific reasons why I want/need those things - but I will spare you the details.  I just hope and pray that we can find one before our baby comes - because once she is here we will just have to buy the first van we can find.

It is getting really hot.  We decided that this year we would spend our money on the backyard and the van (oh and the bills for the baby) and next year (if all goes according to plan, and with our history...) we would get the AC and pave our parking strip (currently its gravel with a lot of weeds).  While the yard and mini van are still top priority - I dream of the AC.  Although I am not a great door/window shutter.  Especially for the backyard.  If my kids are out there and I have to be inside I like the doors/window to be open.  I know this would be a constant fight between me and Jason (and one he should rightly win) - so it is nice not having to worry about waisting money on keeping the doors open.  Silver lining - right?

I dread the first of the month because I have to do my menu and grocery shop.  I dread it even more being pregnant.  I have come to hate my big ole grocery trip every month.  One that same note: it is getting more and more difficult to keep this house clean the more and more pregnant I get.  My last few Monday cleanings have almost sent me into labor.  Not to mention all my stairs - up and down, up and down all day.  Well... that just turned into a lot of complaining... sorry.

On the happy pregnant note - I have started preparing for my birth.  I am a little late - but it is my fourth, so I figure I could wait a little longer.  I am reading my hypnobirthing book again and listening to my affirmations daily.  It is getting so fun and exciting.  I do love to give birth (strangest statement ever - could I put that on a list of hobbies?? "Giving birth" haha).  It is always so exciting to see how the birth is going to play out - it is still one of those things that is such a mystery - how it is all going to happen.  I can't wait.

And for something non-pregnancy/child related....um...thinking...
ok - I got something.  We love the history channel in our house (even the boys).  Have you seen the show "How the states got their shape" - it is really interesting and good.  Anyways, a few nights ago they did Utah - and of course it was all about Mormons - but mostly about food storage/emergency preparedness and the dating rituals of BYU students.  I just tried to find a clip on You Tube - but no luck.  It was hilarious, partially embarrassing, but generally accurate.  For the food storage portion they were almost making fun of us - they said that we go beyond reason and necessity with our food storage and emergency prepardness.  Really?  I don't understand why everyone doesn't have food/water storage - its just smart.  For the BYU part - while I was watching it I didn't think that it was very accurate (the BYU part) - I had never heard of some of the things they were talking about - granted I never actually went to BYU and wasn't in Provo during my dating scene - but I still would have thought I would have heard of some of those things - since I lived there for 6 years and all my friends went there.  So I went and asked Jason if he had heard of some of the things they were talking about - and he had!  It was so embarrassing to know that it was all true!  For example they talked about a NCMO (say it nicmo).. do you know what that is?  I didn't - apparently a non-committal make-out.  According to the history channel and Jason everyone who went to BYU knows what a NCMO is.  Oh...BYU, they are a strange people.

Cake

Our boys have their first inside joke.  Cake.  We are not sure why or how (we have our theories) - but the word "cake" is hilarious to our boys.  We will just be sitting there - doing nothing (driving, eating, watching a show, playing) and one of the boys will just say, "cake" and they both bust up laughing.

They will also sing songs and put the word cake in it - "twinkle, twinkle little... cake".  They think that are so funny - they laugh and laugh.  This has started to make them seem like real people.  To be silly they will call people cake.  "Good morning... cake" (instead of mom).

I like to get in on the action.  When they are not listening or focusing or things just need to be livened up - I will say something silly about cake.  They think  I am pretty funny.  I am sure if they were older they would think I am lame for trying to be on the inside of an inside joke - but they are young and they think I am pretty cool when I say, "row, row, row your... cake".

Theories to how it started:
Jason's:
Jason was teaching the kids how to say knock knock jokes.  Noah did one and when Brock said, "who is there?" Noah said, "cake".  They both laughed and laughed and ever since then the word "cake" is funny.

Mine:
Jason story is true - but I think  Noah's answer for "cake" came from somewhere.  They both like the show "Word World" and one of their favorite episodes is when pig eats Dog's birthday cake (twice I think).  The motto of the episode is "share the cake, don't eat the cake".  They thought the show was so hilarious and for the rest of the day they were saying, "share the cake, don't eat the cake."  Then I think they just shortened it to "cake".

For what ever reason I think it is so cute.  Like I said earlier, it makes them seem like real people and real brothers - to have long standing inside joke.  (It has been about 4 months - it just took me a while to blog about it.)  And they think it is as funny today as when it started.

Day out with Thomas

You may remember back in April when Jason's sister, Kasey, came to visit.  She was here for both Megan and Brock's birthdays - so she got them both awesome presents - she felt bad for Noah - so she got him the best present of all!!  Day out with Thomas!!

Noah loves trains - especially Thomas.  I decided to take this opportunity to go alone with Noah - a special date.  Because of napping/sleeping schedules I get uninterrupted alone time with Brock and Megan everyday - but not Noah.  I have to just seek it out, but it is often interrupted with needs of another child.  I try to have special days/activities just with Noah to try and compensate.

This day was pure bliss - for both me and him.  One of the things I love most about Noah is that he knows pure joy - and shows it all over his face.  It is so easy to make him happy, and its not just happy, you can tell that it is joy.  He gets this huge smile that lights up his whole body.  The best way to see it is to give the kid an ice cream cone.  On this day it was almost the whole time.  From the moment we were in the car and I told him where we were going - his face lit up and he smiled the whole way up to Heber.  It was wonderful.

We met Sir Topamhat - he was SO EXCITED!  

 And rode Annie and Claribel

And sat on a patch of grass and watched Thomas pull in and out of the station for about an hour and a half.  One of the best things about the day is that we just got to go at Noah's pace.  Noah likes to doddle and wander.  He just likes to go slow, look at everything, and kind of talk and sing to himself and be silly along the way.  Basically he is me as a child - so I have compassion on him.  I try to let him wander and doddle as much as possible - but realistically it just can't happen that much.  So when it is just me and him I make it a POINT to never say, "hurry up", or "come on" or "this way" - we just do what he wants to do at the pace he wants to do it - which is SO SLOW!

 It was great weather, Noah was so happy to see Thomas and ride on a train, and I was in HEAVEN spending the whole day with my two year old!  I love two year olds.

Then... to make things even better - the very next day Jason's mom and dad took the whole family!  This worked out perfect because the second we left Noah wanted to go again and as soon as Brock found out where we had gone he of course wanted to go.  So I could say, "well.. guess what? We are going tomorrow!"  Put an end to all that whining right then and there.

Noah actually woke up in the morning and yelled from his room, "I am ready to ride Annie and Claribel".  It was so cute.

The day was great - although is was about 3 times as crowded (a Saturday will do that).  But the boys enjoyed it just as much - plus they got their grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousin with them!

 They were NOT into taking pictures - I dont' think I got a good one all day.  Here they are with Grandpa Herbert.

 Brock with his cheesy smile

The fam on the train

Noah rode with Grandpa 

And Brock with Jason 

 Our nephew Aaron - he looked out the window like this almost the whole time - it was so precious!

And of course - Sir Topamhat

Noah then spent the rest of the day playing with the Thomas train set.  Me and the other mom's kept commenting about how we had no idea why our children wanted to play (fight) with a million other kids when they all have a train set at home. 

I know I have mentioned this before but I love the way Noah plays with toys - so much focus, concentration, and passion.  The whole world around him just shuts out and he is in his own little bubble.  I sat and watched him the whole hour.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Kasey for the day with My Noah, Jason's parents for a fun family  trip, and my mom for watching Brock and Megan all day so I could go with Noah.  It was all wonderful!

Usual days

I am pretty behind on my blogging.  I never posted this post because I wanted to get more pictures of our day to day things - but I never  did.  So these pictures are from back in April. 

Brock literally thinks he is spider man.  He spends almost his whole day being spider man.  He jumps around on furniture, over our railings, climbs on everything, shoots webs from his wrists, and makes sound effects for everything the does.  When it is time for bed or when we are in church I have to say things like "no web sounds".  It actually doesn't annoy me at all.  It makes me smile every time.  His favorite thing to do is build webs around our house.  He takes yarn and spins it around anything and everything.  This is often done while wearing his spider man pajamas.

Strangely this rarely annoys me also.  I just step or duck over them.  I love that he loves something.  It does annoy Jason though - so we have to take them down after a few days. 

Noah loves his sand box.  This picture was back when it was still really cold and windy outside.  Noah didn't care.  He wanted his jacket with his hat on and he just digs with his little tractors.  He would stay out there for hours.  His new thing now it to shovel sand into a little bowl, once the bowl is full he pours the bowl into a bucket until the bucket is full and then dumps the bucket into a pile.  He is so meticulous about things like this.  He loves to quietly play by himself working on things with great patience, focus, concentration, and detail.  I could watch him play all day. 

This post was originally going to be about Jason going back to work - how I was handling things by my self, what our days were like, and my feelings about it all.  Sadly I never did that post and my emotions are not fresh anymore.  But I want to try and document it.  So try to imagine we are back in April and Jason just started working again.

I was really nervous about Jason going back to work.  I had really gotten used to him being around and taking the whole "mom" bit pretty easy and light.  During previous bouts of unemployment I never wanted to get used to having him home - so I never let him help.  I got up with the kids, I did all the meals and cleaning, I took them to activities while Jason stayed home.  He always wanted to help but I was insistent that we kept our traditional roles.  So needless to say his unemployment was always very hard on me and I desperately wanted him to go back to work.  This time around I decided to give in and enjoy having him home.  We spent our days together as a family, I included him in our day to day routine and he helped out and parented just as much (and some days more) than I did.  It was great because I was in my first trimester of my pregnancy - so the help was much needed.  I loved having him home and if it wasn't for financial reasons I wanted him home forever.  (Who would have thought a change of attitude would have made all the difference :)

Needless to say I was very nervous to have all three kids (and pregnant) by myself again.  When Jason got laid off Megan was still a baby - no crawling, will, or personality, and when he went back to work she was basically a toddler - a much bigger handful.  I didn't think I was going to be able to handle it.  I decided baptism by fire was the best method.  So I planned an activity out of the house everyday and did errands several times through the week.  On Tuesday I was coming home from one of our activities (I think Discovery Gateway) and I realized that I LOVED doing what I was doing.  I LOVED being by myself, with the children, doing the mom thing.  I loved the schedule, I loved the routine, I loved the silliness, and the precious moments, most of all I loved having to do it by myself.  I felt as though I had found my niche again.  I do love being a stay at home mom.  It fits me well and I am so grateful to Jason for always letting me stay home and NEVER making me feel guilty.  There are times when I feel as though I am being selfish by staying home - especially with the last few years that we have had.  It would help us a lot if I had a job and would definitely bring more stability - at least financially.  There are days when I considered getting a job.  But as soon as we seriously try to discuss it it is always obvious that the best thing for our family is for me to stay home full time.