Temple Square

We had the best time seeing the lights at temple square this year.  The night got off to a bad start when we could not not find any parking.  The kids were anxious to get out of the car and there was traffic everywhere.  It took about 15 or 20 minutes to get a spot.  We considered calling it quits because all four of them were crying or whining before we even got a parking place.  But we powered through and as soon as they got out of the car they were all in great moods, excited, and obedient.  It was a great night.

It took quite a deal of discussion on how we were going to travel with the 4 kids.  Jason is naturally opposed to strollers - and with the crowds a double stroller/carseat is never a good idea.  We decided Madison in the wrap, Brock to walk, and an umbrella stroller for Noah and Megan to share - with the other being on Jason's shoulders.  As I predicted Megan wanted to walk most the time because she is trying very hard to assert her independence and Noah wanted to stroller because he is pretty lazy - which was fine by me because if we had to wait for Noah to walk the whole thing we would have been there for hours.

Madison was the best baby ever.  She did not make one sound the whole time.  She was bundled up tight and quite happy about all the lights and people. 

When Brock saw this tree he said, "mom, will you take a picture of me by this tree" - true story

I was really hoping for a "Christmas Card" shot.  Cute - but can't see Megan - so no card.

A few more shots of the girls:

After temple square we went to Sizzler.  We wanted to take the kids out to dinner - we have never gone to dinner as a family - I think even since Megan was born (McDonald's doesn't count).  We didn't want fast food - but we didn't want too much pressure - we thought Sizzler was a perfect middle ground.  They did SO GOOD.  I think we are ready for an Olive Garden!  It was such a fun night with our young family and really put us in the Christmas Spirit. 

Best Birthday Ever

I had the best birthday ever this year - thanks to Jason and the kids.  The best part about this birthday was that Jason was home the whole day.  First off he got up and showered and got ready before any of the kids woke up so he could get up with them and let me sleep in. 

Then I came downstairs to my favorite breakfast - milk mush with raspberries, cinnamon, toast, and orange juice.  Then all the kids gave me birthday cards that they had made.  Brock wrote happy birthday mom all by himself.  It was wonderful.

Then Jason spent the day doing laundry (he did ALL the laundry), cleaning the house, and went to the grocery store for me.  For our daily activity we went to Arctic Circle for lunch and play time.  Where I got an Oreo shake - LOVE Oreo shakes!

Then Jason and the kids made me a birthday cake.  The best part was I sat on the stairs and watched as Jason made his first ever cake - and on top of that with three kids!  It was hilarious.  I didn't say a word - just watched and laughed.  They are like wolves on prey with cake batter and frosting. 

The boys wanted him to make me a princess cake.  So he frosted a pink crown on it.  Not to bad for a first cake - he double layered it and everything.  His yellow frosting was very runny - but I thought it was delicious!

Then he made the most yummy dinner I have ever had.  He had never made any of the things before and I just gave him the recipe cards and he didn't ask any questions the whole time.  We had honey-teriyaki salmon, garlic-herb mashed potatoes, and cauliflower with cheese sauce.  Everything was better than I have ever made it.  The salmon was so tender and flaky, the mashed potatoes were PERFECT.  It was so yummy!  A week later I went out to lunch with my mom, sisters, aunts, and grandma while he watched the kids.

Thanks honey for being perfect!

I did it

I decided to do one this morning.  Megan was the ham this time and the others were not so into it.  Although Brock held in Madison's binkey and said "sh sh sh" over and over again and she calmed right down.  What a good brother!  I took about 12 - this was for sure the best

They wanted solo shots with Mads

Photo Shoot

My sister Ashley is making a picture calender for our brother on a mission for Christmas.  She informed me that I did not have the right kind of pictures that she wanted for her calender.  She needed a picture of all my kids together, some recent ones of Megan, and recent ones of Madison.  I guess Halloween was not recent enough :)

It is true that I had not taken any pictures of my kids together yet.  I feared I would be putting Madison's life in danger by handing her over to a 4, 3, and 1 year old and then standing 4 feet away from them.  After some persuasion from my sister I figured she was old enough.  It took about 25 shots, some bribing, and a few songs.  I got a semi decent one.  Brock, Noah, and Maddie were awesome, Megan was not interested.

Best one: Kinda wanna crop Megan out - the boys are so freaking cute!

I MAY try again - but probably not

 Then I took a bunch of Megan and Madison.  So in case you are like my sister and feel I have not taken/posted recent pictures of my girls.  Here is an over load.

While I was doing the photo shoot - Ashley read the boys some Christmas books!

Guilt

I had to accept several years ago that along with all the joys of motherhood comes one unavoidable emotion... guilt.  I feel guilt constantly.  I have noticed though that I feel it in less degrees as they get older, I wonder if that will continue?  Anyways...

One of the biggest things I feel guilty about is my newborns.  They break my heart.  I HATE when they fall asleep "without me".  One minute they are sitting in their bouncer being happy and the next minute I turn around and they are asleep - and my heart aches.  A voice inside tells me I should be happy that they just fell asleep on their own - but that is not how I feel.  I figure that the baby was just waiting for me to pick them up and either play with them or put them to sleep - but instead they realized that I was never coming and went to sleep on their own.  I realize this is ridiculous - but it is how I feel.  I want to so badly rock my children to sleep each and every time they go to sleep.

We all ate lunch - Madison in the middle of the table in her bouncer, happy as a clam - I went upstairs for just a few minutes to put the older kids down for a nap.  When I came down I was expecting to spend the next hour or so just with Mads - and she was fast asleep.  I was overcome with guilt.  I remember when Noah was 4 months old he decided he didn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore - he just wanted me to put him in his crib and fall asleep by himself.  I took it personally and cried for a few days.  I am crazy. :) 

Comparisons

These pictures are of Brock, Noah, Megan and Madison.  They were all taken around 3 months old. 

They all look so different.  But Madison and Brock look the most alike.  These pictures don't do it justice.  They look so much alike.

Thanksgiving

This year we had Thanksgiving at the Herbert's house.  Out of the 7 children in Jason's family only 3 could come this year.  While all were missed we had a good time with just the few.

Madison loved talking to her great grandma Herbert.  In fact she met a lot of Jason's family for the first time that night - and there are still a lot to meet.

My kid's love reading books at grandma's house.  She has spent years procuring a great collection and she is always willing to sit down and read with them.

7 years

We celebrated our 7 year anniversary earlier this month.  Jason was in charge of this anniversary and he did a great job.  The best part was that he took care of everything - the babysitter and getting everything ready for the baby sitter (dinner, pj's, etc).  He had the whole night planned to a T - and surprised me with everything.

We went down town for a carriage ride.  This is something I have been wanting to do with him for a long time.  I was so excited to finally do it.  He even brought hot chocolate for us to drink - he knows me so well!

Then we went to PF Changs - my new favorite restaurant.  I ordered $50 dollars worth of food just for me - hehe - I LOVE it and he totally spoiled me.  It was the first time we had been out since I had Madison (it was her first babysitter other than Jason) and it was wonderful! 

status report

I wanted to give a little status report about my vow to "let things go" and enjoy my time with the kids.

Things are going well.  I have completely shifted my way of thinking and it has been great.  I used to think of my house being messy as a "failure" in my day - now I have trained myself to think of it as a badge of honor.  When I glance around at a messy house or come home to a messy house I think "I chose to put my children first".  I had to condition myself to start to think this way - and now I hardly notice the mess.  Today was Monday (my old cleaning day) and it was the first Monday that I didn't feel like I should be cleaning, in fact I didn't even remember it was cleaning day until evening time.  There are SO many things that have been scaled down in our house and lives and it feels so good, and I am having a lot more precious moments with my kids and saying "yes" way more than I am saying "no" or "later". 

For example a couple of weeks ago it BARELY snowed.  But it was the first "snow" of the year.  The kids REALLY wanted to put ALL their snow clothes on and go outside.  Seriously a light jacket would have sufficed - but they all wanted everything on.  So we did - and I was so glad.  I love just saying yes rather than putting off their requests.  I have realized that this was the kind of mom I was to Brock and when Noah was really young - I lost her when I bought the house and had Megan - it feels so good to have found her again.

Megan has really discovered her dolls.  Almost every time Madison wakes up, Megan goes and grabs her doll and puts her to bed in Madison's bassinet.  She tries to put a diaper on her doll, dresses and  undresses her constantly, and even uses a nose sucker to try and suck out her nose.  I love playing dolls with her.  Her new FAVORITE thing right now is play dough.  If anyone says "what do you want to do" she says play dough.  For the last two weeks we have played play dough 2 or 3 times a day.   

So emotionally things have gotten better.  I am spending good quality alone time with each of  my children several times a day, along with some great "boy" time and "girl" time, and some good time with just the 3 older ones.  A few weeks ago I would have thought it was impossible to fit all that in - but what had to be cut was the cleaning and getting me and everyone else ready everyday.  I realized that the constant picking up was adding up to hours of my day.  I was just constantly picking things up all day. Now I pick the house up twice a day - during naps and after bedtime, I do stay on top of my dishes and clean up after every meal, still.  The person it is affecting the most is Jason - he really likes a "picked-up" house.  I was probably doing it 80% for him - he is being so nice not to say anything and support me it taking this time off - but I know it bothers him.  Thanks honey!  I put make-up on only if I have something special to go do that day (outings with the kids don't count) and I wait until I have to leave - so I only usually have my hair and makeup done 2 or 3 times a week - counting church.  And we have often gone to the store or somewhere all wearing pajama's (something I would have labeled as "lazy" before).  I  have discovered that the story or Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) to me is not about 2 separate women, but the battle inside myself to choose "the good part".  Sometimes when I find myself being "tempted" to do something else during my day other than be with the kids I whisper to myself "choose the good part".

In other news - we got some actual good snow and we built our first snowman (by "we" I mean the boys and Jason) - he had a pumpkin head - the boys loved him (all three).

New top picture

I love the picture at the top of my blog.  It ended up being a random picture taken at Wheeler Farm in the fall of 2010.  We were all supposed to be looking... so I thought it didn't turn out.  But later on  I realized that it actually captured great emotions and memories of our summer together. 

Last week we were at Wheeler Farm having a picnic and I decided I wanted an updated picture with Madison.  I put the camera on my stroller and set the timer to automatically take a picture ever 10 seconds.  Sadly out of about 50 pictures I didn't get one I loved.  I think a picture like that can't be forced.  The one I use now on my blog was just 1 picture - and I love it. 

Here are some of the ones I got.

This one is the winner.  When I get some time this will probably be the one on the top of my blog from now on. 

Then our picnic was overrun by geese who wanted our lunch.

Brock took this picture of me and Madison.  I didn't even know that he did - I just saw it on my camera when I got home.  Pretty good.