The Bell's were here!

A little while ago my bestest friend came back for a week to visit us (oh - and probably their family and other friends too). The best part about Karli coming to town is that she always plans activities everyday. So I took the opportunity and did all of them.

On Tuesday we went to the dinosaur museum in Lehi

We spent some good quality time at the sand/water station.

Noah is so focused - I love it. This is how I usually see Noah playing - looking down at his little toys creating his own little world.

Brock and Payton

The giant shark!! In visits past my children were TERRIFIED of this shark. Tears, running, the whole sha-bang. But this visit (about 8 months since our previous visit) - it was their favorite part. They still talk about it.

On Wednesday we went to Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point. We went in the afternoon - the weather was pretty nice and there was hardly anyone there. We got there just in time for cow milking.

Brock gave it a try - Noah was too scared. I would have thought it would have been the other way around, just when you think you have your kids figured out... they switch it around on you.

Megan just enjoyed her time in the stroller eating her kix.

And of course the pony ride.

On Thursday we went to Discovery Gateway.

Lydia - Karli's youngest.

The water station has been my kid's favorite the past few times we have gone.

Noah concentration on his little toys again. I love it!

Brock is really into figuring out how things work.

My kids are the biggest mooches. The love the coin game. I usually try to remember to bring a few pennies. But this time I forgot. So they sat there and watched other kids' parents give them coins to put in the whole. Each parent felt back for my kids and gave them a penny each time. Everytime I protested and said, "no, they are fine, they don't need a penny." But each time the parent insisted that they get a penny. I had to drag my kids out so they didn't mooch off of everyone.

On Friday we were supposed to go swimming. We decided not to go - we were all a little burnt out, it was snowing, blah. So we had a girl's night out at Karli's mom's house. That was the much better choice.

On Saturday we had Payton over for a few hours. They all played together really well - it was a great afternoon.

Megan Bug

That is what we call her, Megan Bug, or just Bug sometimes. She is 10 months right now and so so fun. Last Sunday we had some extra time before church(rare) - and she was looking extra cute, so we grabbed a few pictures.

She had actually been sick - you can tell by those eyes. All red.

She loves to stick out her tongue. She knows she is being silly when she does it - which is even cuter!

Megan is so mobile. I love it. I thought I would hate it because of all our stairs and levels. But believe it or not I have not gotten out one baby gate. She is so responsible about the stairs. She learned very quickly how to go up and down the stairs and to turn around and go feet first. This is her favorite place to stand in the whole house. She can walk up and down the stairs if she is holding onto the railing.

She really just stands here forever watching her brothers. She thinks she is so big. She loves to play with toys. In the morning I sit her by our book case that has all our toys on it and she plays with each and every toy for about a half hour. Then she crawls upstairs and plays with her bucket of toys. She is so content and so happy.

She has learned to play peek-a-boo with a blanket and does, "how big is Megan?" "sooo big". She says "daddy" every time she sees her dad. Have I mentioned she loves him more than anything?

She loves when we do itsy bitsy spider. As soon as the song is over she starts to cry and hits my hands until I start again, then she immediately starts smiling and waving her arms in delight - it is very dramatic.

Blessings

Tonight Jason gave Noah a blessing. After the blessing Brock said he wanted one. Jason said that he could - and then asked what he wanted from the blessing.

Brock said, "I don't know... but one day I want to be a race car."

Is this what He means by having the faith of a child?

Confession

I know my blog has been lacking in the picture/fun activities posts and falling mostly into the journal genre. But I seem to have a lot on my mind lately and not many friends or people to share my thoughts with - so it goes out into the world via my blog.

For tonight I have a confession. Something that has been in the making for about a year - and only a few months ago I was really ready to admit what I am about to say.

I miss Provo. I miss it desperately. For anyone new to my blog, or didn't know me in my "Provo years" - I HATED Provo, HATED it. I was embarrassed to even tell people I lived there, and most the time I didn't, I maintained that I was from Salt Lake. In my years of Provo I always meant to do a post about the reasons I hated Provo - I wish I would have done it because for the life of me I can only come up with a few reasons. And I know that some of the reasons I hated it are now the reasons I miss it.

I will start with the biggest reason I hated it... and still hate this part. I would move back in a second if it weren't for this ONE reason (oh - and our mortgage and wonderful neighbors)!

Traffic.

Ahh!! My blood pressure rises just thinking about the traffic and the crowds. The traffic is so crazy. To wait through 3 lights to turn left it pretty typical. You get a small break for spring and summer semesters - but even then the traffic is about as bad as Salt Lake is during rush hour. And then they all come back (the students), and you just want to cry... cry I tell you.

Then the crowds. I actually didn't notice this until I left. I like to do my shopping at night - after 8 - when my kids go to bed. This is one of the worst times to shop in Provo/Orem. Especially Walmart or Maceys. It is one of the most crowded times - all the way up until about 11 pm parking is crazy and the lines are crazy. I still anticipate this every time I walk into Walmart at 9:00 at night (even a year later) - and I am pleasantly surprised to find a front row parking space and Walmart almost completely empty. Walmart is NEVER empty in Provo/Orem... NEVER.

ok - so now that my vent is over.

What I miss.

I miss everything else.

In Provo you get the best of both worlds. Because of population businesses think of it as a big city, so you have everything. You have all the restaurant chains, 2 malls, all the stores - but it is a small town so it is all within 5 or 10 miles (this includes Orem of course). Now that we live in "Suburbia" we realize how rare it was to be able to go out and get take-out or even just a milk shake and be home in 5 minutes. (it has drastically reduced our eating out budget). Plus it is small enough with enough history to still get some great mom and pop restaurants. We hate not having any close restaurants - especially our favorites.

I miss my quick outings with the kids. This is the number one thing that I miss. I miss it SO SO much. We were so close to campus, there was so much always going on and things to do. If I needed a quick 30 minute outing - there were always great ones. Duck pond (I miss the duck pond SO MUCH), watching sports (we would walk to the tennis courts, or the indoor practice facility, or the stadium or the baseball field, or just watch a pick-up game at the Smithfield house), the museums, the Bean museum, we often went the the Joseph Smith or Gordon B Hinckley buildings to look at the pretty pictures, there is the temple, the library (more on that), Rock Canyon, Provo Canyon (more on that), Veteran's pool, and just campus itself was an outing alone, so many walls to climb on and paths to run down. I miss it all.

Some pictures showing my dearest memories:

Duck Pond

Brock - April 2008

Brock - August 2008

Me and the Boys - September 2008

Me and the Boys - April 2009

Provo Temple

The boys - October 2008

Me and the boys - October 2008

Boys - June 2009

Fun Places to walk on Campus

Brock - October 2008

Me and Brock - April 2009

Veteran's Pool

Me and Brock (kinda Noah) - August 2008

The library. By far the best library. I have gone to every library around to try to find one that is even half as good as Provo... nothing. Provo library loved children. They have a whole separate wing for the children. They have computers that don't really work but have pictures come up so the kids can play with them and think they are working. I know kids aren't supposed to run around and be loud in libraries - but if it happened in Provo - no one cared or EVER said anything. They just smiled. My children are constantly being shushed at the Bingham Creek library - so annoying.

I miss the friendships. Even though they are not there anymore - just the over all feeling of friendship. We all know we are only there for a short time, so you would think we wouldn't waste time making friends, but the opposite seems to be true. I "fell in love" with more women and couples in a shorter amount of time than ever. I think because we are all so poor, and so busy, and so... everything else... we just serve and love and don't judge each other. I am amazed when I think about some of the sisters that I miss most from my old ward and I realized I only knew them for a year or a semester - I can't believed I developed such a deep love and respect for them in such a short amount of time. That doesn't seem to happen in the "real world".

Everybody is poor and everybody thinks that it is awesome! There is no expectation for anything. I loved it. We had so many close friends there - for 6 years - and we never went out to eat with any of them - you just have people over to your house for games and dessert. Nobody paid anyone to watch their kids - we all just did it for each other. Spending $3 on a ward cookbook was a HUGE deal for everyone. Everything is also cheaper in Provo. I miss simpler times.

I miss Exchange Park - best park out there. And the Provo river trail. Oh - and everything up Provo Canyon - I really miss Provo Canyon. Sundance, Bridal Veil Falls, Vivian Park, Deer Creek Reservoir - I have the most wonderful summer memories with my boys up there - some weeks we were up there every day at one of those places.

Exchange Park

Noah - September 2009

Sundance

Me and Brock - August 2007

Bridal Veil Falls

Family - September 2009

Brock - July 2009

I will also put myself out there and say I miss the Spirit of the place. I know - gag. This used to be one of the things I hated about it - people always said "there is such a great spirit about it" - well I never felt it, until I left. On any given evening if you drive over by the temple you are bound to see at least 2 couples get engaged. I loved seeing the missionaries from the MTC at the temple and walking around campus. You see SO much young love - it is easy for it to remind you how it felt when your first started dating/first got engaged/first go married/expecting your first child/had your first child, when every where you look you can see at least 10 different couples in that stage. It is easy to remember what is important.

I miss the people. There were always people (also what I hate about it - double edge sword). I like having people in my life - even just around. We would go out in our front yard and people would just be walking by. Now, somedays, we go outside in the morning, and there is NO ONE - our street is really quiet during the days. Chalk one up for safety... I guess.

Don't get me wrong - I love my life now, I could do a whole post (and I think I have) about how wonderful this stage has been for us and how we know that we are where we are supposed to be right now. Everything is better for us now. I just miss Provo. It is the perfect place to raise young kids with no money.

Disclaimer: Jason does not miss Provo at all and would completely disagree with everything in this post. Everything.

Wanted

So this is kind of embarrassing... and not at all the purpose of my blog... but does anyone have some 10 lbs weights that they are not using that I could borrow?

I have had a gym membership for all my other pregnancies and have always worked out... well, it turns out that is why I always felt great for my other pregnancies... this time... not so much. I feel like I am 35 weeks pregnant at just 12 weeks!!

We canceled our gym membership, but I desperately need to work out. I am going to a stake aerobics class 3 times a week, but I need to do some weights. So, if any of you were on a working out kick a few years ago and bought some weights and now they are just sitting there, let your failure be my success :) haha

seriously though, if anyone has them I will be forever grateful and will pay you back with cookies or baby sitting or something awesome like that. :)

New Years

Is it possible that I am still blogging about New Years? Well it is true. Over the break we had my "older brother" and his family come from DC where he is attending dental school. (James is a boy that moved into our home when he was 16 and my parents took legal guardianship of when his family moved back to Brazil. He was my older sisters friend. He is still a part of our family and now so is his wonderful family).

Here is a picture of all the grand kids.
bottom left: Spencer and Emma (James' kids) Audrey and Sam (Katie's kids) Megan (mine).
Three boys in the back: Brock, Noah (mine) and Brad (Katie's)

On New Year's eve we actually went out with friends. We went to Chile's with another couple and were kid free. We realized it was the first New Years Eve we have done something since we have had children. It was fun to get out. But don't worry - we were home by 9:00 and all were asleep by 10:30. Oh well.

On New Year's night we went to the Thomas' house. The Thomas' are basically my second family. We love them.


Leslie had just had her baby - so with all the babies we had to get a picture.
Sam (Katie's - 6 months), Spencer (James' 4 months), Megan (mine 9 months) and Jack (Leslie's 3 months)

Sam, Spencer, and Megan


Megan had a long day. With this picture I want to get a word in about this little girl and her daddy. They love each other. Oh my goodness do they love each other. Jason was sure that Megan was a boy and he was even more sure that he never wanted a girl. But how this little one has changed his mind. They have a deep love and connection that he never expected. She adores him. She needs him - and he needs her. She prefers him to me - and I love that. She is 100% a daddy's girl and has loved her daddy most out of any of our kids at such a young age. She has stolen his heart. This has been a hard year for Jason and he has often said that the reason Megan came to our family when she did was to help Jason get through it and to love him unconditionally. They have a very tender relationship.

Some pictures...finally

I finally got the batteries in my camera. There were these pictures from the beginning of January when me and the kids went to Chuck E Cheese one morning. Chuck E Cheese used to be one of our favorite winter places in Provo. We went at 10:30 when it opened and we were always the only ones there. Brock and Noah were too young to really know that we had to put money in the games/rides. We would be having a ton of fun for like 2 hours and I would only spend about a dollar - just enough to get the right amount of tickets for a sucker on the way home.

Brock is getting older and is very aware that he actually wants to PLAY every game and RIDE every ride - shucks. This time it cost me around 5 dollars and we had only been there an hour. Plus the closest Chuck E Cheese is about 25 minutes away. So I guess it is worth it every once in a while.

Megan thought it was great. She could have sat in every car all day long.

Onto some other news. Yesterday was apparently my last official day breast feeding. I am really really sad. I have always been able to breast feed my other children while I was pregnant and I always kept enough milk. But this time it didn't happen. It has been dwindling for about 2 weeks now. About a week and a half ago I broke down and did something I have never done before - I gave Megan some formula (gasp). I expected it to be horrible... she would hate it, it would give her an upset tummy, it would mess with her bowels, etc. But to my surprise, she drank it as if it were breast milk and never had any problems digesting it. It was quite the blow to my ego. :)

I kept breast feeding, but had to supplement almost every feeding with a 2-3 oz bottle. Then this morning I went to nurse her, and nothing. No milk. Saddness. So while my boys got breast fed until they were 12 months and never had a bottle or formula (straight to milk in a sippy) - Megan stopped breast feeding at 10 months and takes 4 formula bottles a day. I know it is not a big deal - but it is to me.... although admittedly it is 100% pride, I just always liked breast feeding for a year - I felt so successful. Doctors were always impressed, and when I was on WIC, they always gave me a quilt for nursing for a whole year. But I digress, because I know that it is silly, and I am sure I have offended at least 20 of you. Sorry.

Other than that we are doing good. We have been very blessed with great friends, family, and a terrific ward. Everyone has been so willing to help. We have had people stop by and have gotten some anonymous gifts left on our porch (if you read my blog - THANK YOU). We have had several great leads in the job department and we got our pipes and basement fixed (for now) - they will need some more work come spring - but for now things are good. Oh - and did I mention my car broke down? Well, we got that fixed too.

When it rains it...

Floods.

Last night when I got home from Young Women's I made a few phone calls and went into wash my face and there was no water in the pipes. Not a huge surprise - our pipes have frozen a few times this winter. I went downstairs and gave the blow dryer to Jason and told him the pipes froze again. He started blow drying them when he heard a pop and water started pouring in from underneath our base boards.

So our pips have burst and our basement got flooded. We got the water turned off in time before any real damage was done - just soaked carpets. So now I am at my mom's house with the kids and Jason is back at the house tearing down walls trying to find the burst. Yea. Silver lining - he doesn't have work today - so he was all the time in the world.

Not silver lining: today is actually Jason's birthday.

Last night (before the flood) I had planned on doing a birthday post for him - after last night it is all the more deserved. But I am being summoned by my children so that will have to come later. Bye

Today

Jason got laid off this morning. If you are thinking you should have gotten a phone call instead of reading it on my blog - don't worry EVERYONE is learning about it from my blog. I just didn't want to make that phone call again.

There were signs that a company wide lay-off was coming - and since Jason's position was just created for him when he took the job (four months ago) - his position was obviously dispensable. Jason is a hard worker and I know he will find something else soon. Please keep us in your prayers - we need them.

What your laundry says about you

I just finished doing my laundry from last week and putting it away. There was something very disturbing I discovered while putting it all away. The only clothes I had worn last week were pj's and sweat pants. The boys had only worn the same - and Megan had about 10 onesies. The worst part is as I reflected on my week (had we been sick?, was it bad weather?, etc) I remembered actually DOING things. We went to the library on Monday, Young Womens and errands on Tuesday, had friends over on Wednesday and Thursday. I am trying hard to blame Jason - after being with someone for over 9 years, bad habits are bound to rub off. (For some of you new friends - read this post to get to know my husband - I suggest reading the comments also - for proof).

But I don't thing I can blame Jason entirely - I will admit I am in a funk. My daily outings have been reduced to weekly outings. It is cold, Megan is on a complete opposite sched than her brothers, and she is in that stage where cars and strollers are hard. Lucky for me I know this phase is temporary and she will be fun again just in time for early spring.

My goal next week - to have to hang up some shirts of mine - and maybe a pair of Levi's.

Also on a completely unrelated topic- remember how I used to take pictures and post about them. Boy is January a lame blog month - you get all my random thoughts instead of cute pictures of my kids. Promise they are still cute. After the bazillion pictures I took in the month of December I think I subconsciously took a photo hiatus. Plus my camera is out of batteries, and the camera is downstairs and the batteries are upstairs on the top shelf of my hall closet. So - that is not going to get done for a while. :)

Mormon Bloggers

A MUST read. It is long - read the whole thing. I am definitely guilty of this.

Breakthrough (not the big one - but just one this morning)

On my sidebar I have a lists. List of things that make me happy, things that make me angry, and confessions. On my list of things that make me happy - clear down at the bottom is "finding balls in random places". I wrote this when Brock was about a year old. He was obsessed with balls and would put them everywhere. Whenever I was cleaning, cooking, or just going about my normal day I would find a ball in places like my laundry basket, in my tupperware drawer, or in a shoe. I loved it. It always made me smile because it was a sweet reminder of this stage of my life. I embraced that things would never totally be "put away" and those tender reminders of the joy that is boys/small children were welcomed and celebrated.

Well... a few years and children later, you can find me in my kitchen saying, "why is this ball here, why can't you put your toys away." I have long recognized that MY attitude needs to change - I have wondered how I could get back to my joyful attitude rather than my stressful one.

This morning I put Megan down for a nap, made my bed and got in she shower while the boys were down stairs playing. They came running into the bathroom once or twice during the shower. When I got out of the shower and went into our bedroom I saw that my bed had been messed up and obviously jumped on. My very FIRST INITIAL reaction was a smile. It made me smile and happy to see that I had my sweet little 2 year old and 3 year old jumping on our bed while I took a shower and their sister napped.

I have been praying to feel that joy. I believe it is a gift of the spirit. Because it can not be forced (believe me - I have tried), it is like charity. I am grateful I felt it this morning - I pray it will continue.

Randomness

Mostly pregnancy randomness


• I am not very sick with this pregnancy. I have to eat small portions about every hour or so - and I am fine. I have to be VERY particular about what and when I eat my first meal of the day. The best thing to have is a small amount of Honey Bunches of Oats with a lot of milk (but not too much). Harmon's has their Honey Bunches of Oats on sale - .10 cents an ounce! That is a GREAT deal. So I bought 15 boxes. That should last a while.


• I am VERY tired though. VERY. I am sure that will go away when I stop nursing Megan in a few months, it usually does.


• Even though Brock is only 3 he is very aware of this whole pregnancy baby thing. He has been through it a few times before. He is so funny. He always tells me I have to be careful because of the baby in my tummy. Or "remember to eat, so you don't get sick." He won't let me lift heavy things and he is worried about playing soccer or wrestling with me.


• I swear I can feel the baby move. Unlikely since it is about the size of a bean or something and I swear I can already feel legs and elbows... I don't think so. But I sure feel something.


• FAQ: So how far apart are all your kids? Brock and Noah are 16 months apart. Megan and Noah are 19 months. Megan and this baby are set to be 16 months apart. That is 52 months between Brock and baby. Also grade wise they are all close. For example Brock will be in the 5th grade, Noah in the 3rd, Megan in the 2nd, and baby in the 1st.


• FAQ: How many are you going to have? Not sure... who is? We thought we were maybe only going to have 3 - but we felt very strongly about having another one just as fast as the other ones. We will see. We think this may be the last, or at least the last for a while. It already feels different than all the other pregnancies. Kinda bookendish. But we will see.


• FAQ: Do you want a girl or boy? I can't say. I will be fine with either one. Honestly, I want one more of each - but as stated above, this might be our last, so I can't choose which one I would rather have. So I will let someone with better insight decide :)


• I am DEVASTATED that I can not go to girls camp. DEVASTATED. That is the only thing about this pregnancy that I am sad about. But I know that I can't. With Noah being 4 weeks early and Megan 6 weeks early and with how fast my babies come - I can't be more than 20 minutes away from a hospital for the last 2 months (and that is pushing it). I am however hoping to go to Youth Conference in June (Trek) - but we will see. That may be wishful thinking.
  
• Brock still talks about our Christmas tree almost daily. "mom, I just loved our Christmas tree, I miss it." haha


• Megan is all over the place. Up the stairs, pulling herself up and onto things. She stands by herself for about 5 seconds. Very exciting!


• We are having sleeping issues with Noah. I wish we would have manned up and just bought him another crib instead of going to a big bed. He is out 3 - 5 times a night. Doesn't go to bed until about 10 and is up at 5:30 or 6:00 am. His naps are only an hour now instead of the previous three. He is not even awake when he comes out - it is like he is always sleep walking. But he won't go back to bed. As a result: he is cranky almost 24/7.


• I have made a few breakthroughs in my parenting lately. I hope to share in a later post - as I continue to solidify them. Most of which have to do with allowing my children to grow up. I have realized that I like to be way too involved and in control.

hmmm...

• About mid December my mom watched the kids while I did some Christmas shopping (Awesome!). I decided to treat myself while I was out and got myself a little Cafe Rio (also Awesome), I went with a pork salad. I downed the whole thing - tortilla and all - in about 10 minutes. I wasn't even full after.
• We went to the library during Christmas and got a lot of Christmas books. Both Santa and religious alike. Several of the "Baby Jesus" stories focused on Mary. Every time I read about Mary and her having the baby I started to cry. Weird.
• Two weeks ago I called my 14 year old neighbor Paige at 4:00 in the afternoon to babysit my kids so I could take a 20 minute nap.
• Last week I got busy in the morning and didn't eat breakfast with the kids (nothing unusual) but this time at 9:00 I got nauseous from being hungry.

Yep. If you haven't guess it already... I am pregnant! Holy moly... right?? We are really excited, and, for the record, this was planned. I am 8 weeks. We have never told this early before (we have always waited until about week 15) - but several people had to know for specific purposes, so we just decided to let the cat out of the bag. I am due late August.

As Requested

I have often mentioned on my blog things about my meal planning - often times people have left comments asking me to post what my weeks/months meals were. I know we ALL need help in coming up with new menu items. So, rather than posting what I was making this month (as requested in my last post) - I am just going to give you all my meals and my meal planning strategy.

I have a blank calender in front of me with this list (below). I go through and fill in the dates. I usually start with my chicken (since that is usually the cheapest dinners) - I do about 3 chicken meals a week - staggered of course. Then I do my Sunday dinners. Then I fill in the blanks with what ever meals I haven't done in a while. I have 2 or 3 meals I do twice a month (our staples). I leave about 4 or 5 dates blank for leftovers or days that we don't eat dinner at home (at parents house, party, wedding, etc). At the same time I put in my side dishes and vegetable, also simultaneously I make my grocery list for what I need for the month. I buy all my food in one grocery trip - minus the produce. Then I buy my perishables/produce on my weekly milk/egg run. So here is the list of my meals.

I am going to * my favorites

Chicken
*Chicken Broccoli and Rice
Parmesan Chicken
Balsamic Chicken
*Chicken Pot Pie
Chicken Cordon Blue
*Candied Chicken
Lemon Poppy Chicken
*Cajun Chicken
Chicken Fajitas
Mom’s Chicken Burritos
Chicken Enchiladas
*Prosciutto stuffed Chicken
Stuffing stuffed Chicken
Chicken Roll ups

Ground Beef
Spaghetti Pie
Meat Loaf
Tacos
Hamburgers
Spaghetti
Lasagna

Beef
Stew
Steaks
London Broil
French Dip
*Beef Noodle Bowl

Pork (pork of all varieties)
Stuffed Shells
Ham
Breaded Pork
Sweet and Sour Pork
Bowtie Sausage Pasta
Bacon Fried Rice
*Creamy Sausage Pasta
Trina’s Fajitas
BLT’s
Marinated Pork


Other
Cheese Stuffed Shells
Cheese Manicotti
Ravioli
Penne Pasta Bake
Mac and Cheese
Salmon
Omelets
Panikakers (crepes)
Pizza
Karli’s Pizza
Tomato Basil Rigatoni

I hope that helps someone.

On to other matters. Some thoughts about the new year. I have wanted to do a whole "new years resolution" type post and really organize my thoughts and have something profound to say. But here I sit on January 7 - still my head a jumbled mess. I have a million things I want to do/change and at the same time - I want to get rid of all of it.

The one thing I keep coming back to is finding more joy in motherhood - again.

To show my point I would like to share a story. A little over 2 years ago I was living in Provo, had Brock (18 months) and Noah (3ish months). Whenever we went out - which was everyday - but especially to the grocery store, I always got comments about how I had my hands full. And this was PROVO people - 2 kids in 2 years is not unheard of. Anyways, people were always telling me how crazy my life looked or how hard things must be for me. I always gave a smile and a little laugh and agreed with them, and then said, "but they are good kids." I remember SPECIFICALLY several times wanting to write a blog post about it (wish I would have). Because I never said what I wanted to say - which was: "I love it" "I am so happy, this is exactly what I want to be doing right now." I always wondered if I looked crazy, annoyed or frustrated because people always would say that - but I honestly never felt it (well of course on rare occasions, but that is true with one kid or 2 kids 5 years apart or whatever). I felt so much joy in my role as a mother on a daily, even hourly basis with my 2 little boys.

I want that back.

It mostly left when we moved last year. I think my to-do list just got bigger, with the house and preparing for Megan, and then having Megan. My time with the kids seems to come after an exhaustive list of menial chores and wasteful leisure. I still have great moments, and I am still rarely frustrated or annoyed, but my joyful moments seem to be lessening, and it comes at more "manufactured" times (if that makes sense). I used to feel it just building blocks on the ground, or coloring - events that occurred naturally. But now it seems that even those things (blocks and coloring) - don't occur naturally anymore, I have to schedule them into our day. I guess that is what is really bothering me, before my whole day was devoted to the kids, and I got my list done around them. For the past few months to a year, I feel the need to get my list done first - and then the kids - but I am finding out, my list is never done - so my time with the kids seems rushed, unorganized, or forced. I hate it.

Knowing this I have been thinking about how to change it - but it is a fine line. If I don't do SOME of my list (take a shower, get ready, clean the house, make a good breakfast) I just don't feel peace. The peace needs to be there to feel the joy. Is any of this making sense?? If it is could you please explain it to me - because I am lost.

Anyways... I guess that is why a new years post never happened - I obviously can't make sense of what I am feeling - I just know what I am missing, but lack a solution. I want my kids(family) to be the center of my life again. The WHOLE center - right now I often take the easy way out and try to fit in as much "me" time as I can (read blogs, check my mail, clean, take a nap, have a long shower, make dinner in peace) - so I get my kids distracted so I can do those things. I would have never done that in Provo - I would have saved all that for nap time or night time. But I feel "entitled" to use night time/nap time as a "relaxing" time rather than a "to-do time" - and I "to-do" while the kids are awake and distracted. This has to stop. Wow - I think I just figured it out. Who ever said writing is therapeutic?? Genius.

Thanks for listening and being apart of that crazy journey - are you as exhausted as I am?

Better late than never...

This was our Christmas card this year. It is my first Christmas card ever. I have intended on doing one every year since we got married - but never did. This got sent out a little late (December 28th), and didn't get to everyone I wanted (sorry if you are one of them). Thanks to Karli for letting me steal her idea (she did mostly the same thing with her three kids last year) and thanks to Jess for taking the pictures for me! Oh - and Merry Christmas





We have had a very busy year in the Herbert household. We moved into our first home in West Jordan, welcomed our third child into the family, and Jason changed jobs 3 times. We have been settling into our new ward and making a lot of great friends. We are thankful to all our friends and family who have helped us so much through this challenging and changing year for us. We are hoping for a calmer 2011, to more fully enjoy this unique time in our life with young children, and to get our Christmas cards out BEFORE Christmas next year.

We hope you had a Merry Christmas and a great New Year!

In the last 24 hours...

In the last 24 hours I have:

• Scrubbed both my bathrooms - Tub, tile, walls, toilet, floors, and baseboards
• Cleaned my kitchen including: my oven and stove, all appliances, my whole pantry, fridge, and freezer, and two junk cupboards and drawers that were totally unorganized. Not to mention the usual sink, counters, sweep and mop.
• Cleaned the high chair and booster chair.
• Deep vacuumed my whole house, moved all the furniture and everything
• Washed all the walls, doors, and baseboards in the whole house
• Scrubbed my banister and railings
• Detailed my kitchen table with special wood cleaner
• Cleaned out my bedroom closet
• Switched out Megan's whole wardrobe from 3-6 months to 6-9 months
• Disinfected all the toys
• Put away all "baby stuff" (swing, bouncer, bottles etc) - and thus re-organized all our baby storage and clothes
• Cleaned and reorganized our storage/my craft room.
• Dusted the whole house - I mean REALLY dusted
• Cleaned the blinds

How could I do all this you ask?

Did I mention that my mom had her annual grandma sleepover party? Oh yea - it was awesome! I had Megan - so I had to stop and take care of her... but one is easy. I feel like a whole new woman!

Still on my to-do list:

• do the 2010 budget
• Make the new 2011 budget
• Make more baby food
• Plan my meals for January - make shopping list - go shopping
• Laundry - including all bedding, rugs, rags, and towels
• Organize the garage (I am going to wait until it gets a little warmer) (I still have all my canning stuff just sitting by the door... oops)
• Start decorating - I am finally ready to tackle this project (only took me 8 months!)

hmm... sounds like I need another 24 hours.

Jason and I were talking about how funny having kids is. When we just had Brock things were still so hard and I never got things done - especially things like the above list. But now that I went from three children to one 8 month old - I feel like wonder woman... like I could tackle to world. Jason kept saying - I can't believe we ever thought this was hard. Funny how that works.

Christmas Weekend

Our Christmas weekend/week after was full of friends and family. We got about an hour with the Bells while they were in town. We will take what ever we can get. Brock was really sad when they left. Apparently we didn't explain the visit very well, he was under the impression that Payton was going to stay with us for a while (like he stayed with Payton in Boise), I guess I am going to have to plan another trip.... shucks! :)



Jason's dad turned the big 6-0 on the 27th - to celebrate Jason's brother and his wife, Jared and Sarah flew in from Alabama. Sarah rocks. Jared is... so - so. :) haha. No really though, I have known the Herbert family for over nine years and have only met Jared a hand full of times - and of those times have only heard him say very few words. Then he married Sarah about 2 years ago - and now they are some of my favorite Herbert's (not that I am picking favorites). I am so glad she is in the family - it is always nice to get a new sister-in-law.

The kids wanted to go play in the snow - and of course none of their parents wanted to, so "cool aunt Sarah" braved the old and tromped around in the snow with the kids.


And, Christmas didn't stop - Jared and Sarah got everyone in the family (7 people) a Wii. Holy moly. We couldn't believe it! I guess there is something to be said for being in your 30's, just married, with no kids, apparently you can spend your money how you want to. Yea for generosity. We spent the next few days trying it out.

Jared loves kids - especially babies. And this little girl loved him.

We spent several days at the Herbert household and even slept over. We had a blast. However, I was eager to get home to my crazy messy post Christmas house. I am a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to post-Christmas. I cannot get my decorations down fast enough. Every year the tree is gone by the 26th and I haven't turned our house lights on since Christmas day. I love it all until about 7:30 pm Christmas night and then it all needs to be gone. I like to get all the new "things" put away and my house back in running order.

My kids are going through withdraws. Brock cried when Jason took the tree out of the living room. And still says everyday, "I don't want our tree to be dead, I love our tree." We have hourly conversations about where Santa is and when he is coming back. Adjusting back to normal life has been rough - the count down for next year is already in full swing.