Temptations

Often in the church we teach and focus on how to feel the promptings of the Spirit.  I remember many seminary and young womens lessons on the topic and it is something still talked about in Relief Society and Sunday School.  Yes, it is important to know how the Holy Ghost talks to you, prompts you, warns you, and inspires you; but something that is not as often talked about, but I believe is just as impoprtant, is to know how Satan talks to you.  To recognize his voice, his lurs, his temptations, and his deception.

This was easy as a youth.  Basically it was anything that went against the commandments or even more specifically the For the Strenght of Youth pamphlet.  His ploys were usually obvious and typically looked something like an after school special - immodesty, word or wisdom, lying to parents, immorality, cheating - these things are obvious temptations of the Devil - and for me - when I know it is from him... it is easier to say no.

The list I made above are no longer temptations for me.  I have not been tempted to do most of those things in a decade or more.  I thought since I was not tempted by those things I had somehow overcome the tempations of the devil.  Want to know one of Satan's greatest tricks?  To have people not believe in him... and for someone who DOES believe in him, he wants to make us think he is not there... to not recognize him.  He has spent a decade turning into something else in my life.  He no longer works in the black and white - he has made a very real presence in the gray.  For years I have not recognized him.  For years I assumed that voice inside my head was myself.  Yesterday I realized it was him, Satan, who had very slowly and carefully gotten inside my head, I didn't even know it.

How did I realize it?  Satan's goal is not necessarily to have us break the commandments... that is a means to an end.  His goal (among other things) is to not have us accomplish the work we are supposed to do.  As a youth my goal was to be worthy to get married in the temple - so his aims were the obvious things that kept me from that.  My goal now (among other things) is to be a good wife and mom.  This is where he attacks.  Minute by minute, more specifically wasted minute by wasted minute.  For ME he gets me to wastes my time during the day. 

I have a pretty specific routine down.  I get ready and do a few things around the house while the girls watch Super Why.  I was all ready - everything was done.  All I had to do was do my hair, and then the girls and I could do something for the next hour or so before I had to go into Noah's class to volunteer.  It takes about 3 minutes to do my hair.  Everything else was done - house clean, girls dressed, scriptures read, done, done and done - right on schedule.  But I didn't want to be.  Deep down I kind of didn't want to go downstairs and play dolls for the 400th time that week.  But I would never admit that to myself.  So I had a thought.  "I should curl my hair today."  that thought expanded - even thinking "I never do something just for myself, I should get to curl my hair because it will make me happy" (lie and lie).  I do things like this a lot.  Something that should take one second turns into a major distraction in my day (checking weather turns into checking facebook). 

Back to the hair: within 5 minutes (when their show was over and I was SUPPOSED to be done) the girls had disended upon my bathroom with a list of complaints and demands.  I was frustertated, "why are they bothering me?"  "can't I have 10 minutes of peace?" (truth is I had just had 30).  They wanted my attention, I was curling my hair, and half way through, I could not stop now.  I glanced in the mirror, I saw myself, curling my hair, I saw my sad girls, I saw me frustrated.... and I wondered how I got here.  Why did I curl my hair?  Why, when everything was going smoothly did I decide to make things harder?  I realized it was a small, perfectly timed voice, a voice that said, "why don't you curl your hair"  the voice became selfish and self centered and even prideful.  I had the thought, "did Satan want me to curl my hair?"

I dismissed it as absurd.  He could care less about me curling my hair.  But in truth it met his goals; I was frustrated and impatient with my girls, they were mad at me, we had contention in our home, and it caused me to have selfish and negative thoughts about my role as a stay at home mom and homemaker.  I started thinking about the last decade, the decade when I thought that I had conquered Satan and gotten him out of my life (ok, ok, not completely, most of the shows I watch are probably... well, you know).  I started seeing his hand (Satan's) in most of my daily decisions.  Sleeping in?  facebook and blogs? naps? using shows and tv to entertain/babysit my kids?  Were these all temptations that I never recognized??  I just thought I was being lazy!!  Never did I consider that it was Satan.  Because truth is, the more lazy I am the more contention is in our home. Another truth is, we don't need as much "me" time as the world tell us we do.  I honestly believe the "take time for yourself" matra is not all it is cracked up to be and is a lie of the adversary.  Sure you need some time for yourself, but it is hardly as much time as we probably all take.  Because truth is the more "me" time I get the more "me" time I want.

I like me a good challenge.  I like to know that it is Satan telling me to check just one more webpage or just let them watch one more show.  I like knowing that it is him.  because then I can have the courage to say, no.  I didn't like telling myself no.  If I wanted to do it then I wanted to do it.  But if Satan wants me to do it - then I will not do it.