My new Wednesday nights

My wonderful husband has given me Wednesday nights off. I have been feeling like I needed a spiritual tune-up. I have not been able to really attend all my church meetings for almost 2 years now and my scripture study is almost always interrupted by a crying child. I craved complete devotion to the Lord and things spiritual on a consistent basis. So I am now attending Institute on Wednesday nights. I was a little nervous at first - I had a bad attitude towards institute after I was engaged and got married - it felt like the whole thing was just to find someone to marry - I hoped that night classes would be different - and it was.

This week was my first week and it already changed my life. It was an hour and a half of feeling the spirit. I learned doctrine that I did not know before, I received revelation pertinent to my life, and received an answer to a long ago prayer. I could not write in my notebook fast enough. Ever since then my personal scripture study has been amazing - I am "likening the scriptures" to myself better and remembering things like I used too. This really has been the missing key in my life. I am SO GRATEFUL to Jason for being willing to take the kids on Wednesday nights. It is at the worst time too - he has to feed them both dinner, give Noah his night-time feeding, and put both to bed. Since I have never really worked or gone to school since we have had kids - he has never had this type of responsibility on a consistent basis - I was a little nervous - but he was so willing - I could not turn it down.
So they get much needed "man time"

Leave the room for one minute

I had to go throw Brock's diaper away and Noah was playing under his play mat. I came back in the room and I found Brock under with Noah. At first I was a little startled - he could have been ON TOP on Noah. I went over there and saw that Brcok was playing with Noah and trying to show him how his toys worked. Noah was very fascinated with what Brock was showing him. It was a sweet moment. This was the first time they really played together with out me or Jason facilitating it.

He is sitting

If you can call this sitting. He is just leaning on his hands - but he can do it for several minutes and if he is about to fall he will rebalance himself and his hands so he does not fall. Who told him he could grow up? Not me - that's for sure!

Wanna hear a secret?

(Well not really secret since I am posting it on my blog) Warning: This is pretty personal - so in case you cannot reverence my sacred feelings - don't read.

A few weeks ago I thought I was pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and found out I was not - but after the results I discovered that I was sad. What? I just had a baby - and if I HAD been pregnant Noah and the "new baby" would have been in the same grade! All logic (and Jason) says that I should be elated not to be pregnant and we should wait a while until we have the next. So why was I sad? I did a little soul searching and found my answer.

The day after Brock was born Jason and I were talking in the hospital and we both mentioned how overwhelming our love for Brock was. We had both said that previously we wanted many children - but now Brock was just so perfect and we loved him so much that we could honestly be happy with just him. Despite this feeling we knew we would have more children - but we loved Brock more than we had ever thought possible.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Noah I felt very overwhelmed. My life was wonderful with Brock - I loved him so much, I loved being a mother, I was so happy, everything seemed perfect - how could I love another as much? I knew things could only get worse with two, I would not be able to spend the quality time with Brock that I wanted -and I would not be able to bond with the new baby like I would need to because Brock would be there. I felt unsure about how it would all work out - I knew it would - I just did not know how. I knew plenty of bewildered moms of two or three (or five) kids who looked like at any moment they were going to cry. I did not want to be that mom - I was nervous.

Then I had Noah. Wow. Love is truly a gift from our Heavenly Father. I love Noah more than I ever thought possible. I call him, "My Noah", he makes me so happy - just to look at him makes my heart swell with joy. I can't even imagine what life was like before him - I almost feel like I did not understand love until I met him. When I have him close to me - it feels like everything is right with the world. I miss him so much when he naps. I just feel better when we are together.

Best part is, my love for Brock has not diminished - I still love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. Everyday my love for him grows and grows. And when I have both of them together and we are just sitting on the living room floor reading a book or out and about on our adventures - I feel like the luckiest most blessed woman in the world. I truly feel like they are my gems.

This experience has led my heart to believe, "if it was that great with one, and it is THIS amazing with two, how great will it be with three?"

So - no - I am not pregnant - and, no - we are not going to start trying, it is not the right time for us or our family - and yes - I am a little crazy. I just wanted to put it out there that I love my children and I LOVE being a mom. Words cannot describe the joy they bring me everyday. I could have never imagined a more perfect life.

Randomness

We are still sick here at the Herbert household - we are going on about 2 months now! Brock is finally better - but Noah is still really congested - especially at night. We have been to the doctor a few times, and they say that there is nothing they can do for him, we just have to let it pass. BOO!

These are the clothes I got for my boys to wear to the Brighton games my brother plays in, but we have been too sick to go to any of the basketball games - so we wore them today just for fun.

Noah is loving to grab at everything lately. He really likes "toy" time. He gets really amused by all of his toys and rings - he could play by himself and entertain himself all day if I let him - but for some reason I feel guilty when I see him playing all by himself. But it is nice to know that he can do it - because sometimes he has too. It has been so fun watching him learn how to use his body and emotions - it is definitely just as much fun the second time around.

He does not particularly suck his fingers - just sometimes (since he learned he has them) and it is always a different finger.

See Previous Post

http://jamieherbert.blogspot.com/2008/01/why-do-i-encourage-things-i-hate.html

(See Noah smiling at Brock - so cute)

New Year's Resolutions

Get one craft done a month
I have several crafts that I have been wanting to do for about a year. Some of them are: Quiet Book, I Spy Bags, Brown Bear Book, and hooded towels for Noah - just to name a few. I have set aside Thursday nights to work on crafts. So my goal is to finish one a month (except for the quiet book - goal is 3 pages a month. And be all caught up with my scrapbooks by the end of the year.

Read my scriptures and the Ensign everyday
From age 16 to 20 I read my scriptures every single day without fail. Then I skipped about 4 days for some reason and it has been a struggle ever since. I will go 6 or 8 months reading everyday, and then I fall off again. I know with out a doubt that my life is richer, more fulfilling, and calmer when I read everyday - plus I love to learn the gospel - there was a time in my life when I could reference almost any scripture or scripture story and knew backwards and forewords the stories - I feel like I have forgotten a lot - and I want to remember again. I absolutely love the scriptures and I need to read them everyday.

Become a more thoughtful and gracious person ("quick to observe")
I want to recognize the needs of others and act on them. I want to have a service orientated attitude and not think about how it would inconvenience me. Since I was put on bed rest with Noah, I have really just put me and my family as number one priority - and I think for a good reason - but now I am fine and I need to put others first. I want to be more gracious by acknowledging peoples good works, efforts, and kindness by writing thank you notes or verbally (or cookies). I especially want this to "spill-over" into my visiting teaching.

Truly become Jason's Sweetheart, again
Jason would totally disagree with me on this one - but I don't FEEL like his sweetheart. I feel like a wife and the mother to his children - but part of me still wants to be his girlfriend. I am giving him a checklist of things he needs to do or a list of things he forgot to do more often than not. I really want to become his best friend again - separate from the children, separate from the household responsibilities, separate from all other day-to-day things. I want to be his number one support, his "safe-haven", and want to have fun with him and go out on dates more. For our whole marriage we have both been working and going to school and now that we are both done with school and I am home with the boys, we really do have the time to spend alone time together - we just need to get back in the habit.

Establish, re-establish, and maintain my girlfriend relationships
In the last year my sphere of friends has diminished dramatically - everything from best friends to casual acquaintances. First of all - we got put into another ward, I was released from the RS Presidency (sisters that I really loved) and have not been given a new calling (8 months now!), I have never been visit taught in this ward, Ashley moved, Sabrina moved, and now Jess has moved (welcome to BYU married wards), and I have not stayed in touch with other friends because I have come to believe that leaving a comment on their blog counts as "staying friends".

Those are the goals that I have control over, I have a few things that I hope I have accomplished by the end of the year (but I don't have a lot of control and am willing to do what is right for the family, but if I had a say...)

• Be in a house
• Not live in Provo (preferably Utah County - but I will accept anywhere but Provo)
• Start up Peer Parenting again
• Have Jason and I go on a vacation - just me and him (We actually never went on a honey moon)
• Go visit Ashley in Minnesota and James and Vivian in Washington DC

College - done!

Today I took my final for my last college class and passed! I am now completely done with college. It was for a math class that I have been ignoring since my first day of college - let's just say... I hate math. I signed up for this class nearly every semester and dropped it after the first day. I was supposed to graduate the semester I had Brock - but only took a partial load, because I knew I was going to have a baby. Then I took the rest of my classes that next fall (minus this math class), I finally signed up for it through independent study last year. After a LOT of procrastination I convinced our friend from our old ward, Wes Jones, to tutor me. He was my salvation - I understood things I never had before. My goal was just to pass the final - I had to get 20 out of 30 right and I did - I got exactly 20 right! For the record it was 100% the spirit - there were a lot of things on the test that I just did not know and did not study - after a few tears and desire to give up - I went back through the test to the ones I did not know - and got a boost of clarity. Everything looked so clear and new ideas were coming to my mind of how to solve them. I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, I am grateful for Wes, I am grateful to Jason for MAKING me take this class and graduating (I would have given up a few months back).

A break from tradition (sorry dad)

I have been married for over 4 years now - and have pretty much made dinner from scratch every single night. My mom always made us dinner every night - and she always cooked from scratch - but I did not realize how much my mothers cooking habits (and my father's eating habits) rubbed off on me until recently.

My father HATES onions. He won't eat anything if it even smells like it has an onion or onion flavoring in it - so - being the good wife that she is, my mom never cooked with onions. There was never an onion in our house or in any food. Naturally I thought I hated onions as well, and always asked for food without onions at restaurants (because that is what my dad did), and for the past four years when a recipe called for an onion I just skipped over it - with out even thinking about it.

Then about a month ago I borrowed 2 recipes from 2 friends. My friend Katrina gave me her yummy fajita recipe and Karli gave me a meatloaf recipe. Both called for onions, and for some reason I thought - maybe I should try it with onions. Since I had never even touched an onion, I had no idea how to pick one out, how to cut it, store it, or what the difference was between the colors. I had to have Katrina explain it to me.

So it has been a month now - and I LOVE onions. I went back through all my recipes to find the ones that really called for them. It has brought me into a whole new level of cooking - I get so excited when I know I am going to make a recipe that calls for onions - and I know it is just going to taste better now. So, sorry dad -but I cook with onions now (but if you come over for dinner I will leave them out).

Sweet Dreams

I had the sweetest dream last night. In high school one of my good friends, Jara Ludlow, died. Last night I had a very vivid dream about her. She was so real, I saw her smile and heard her laugh, and she was being so funny - Jara was always being so funny. It was 100% her -I feel like I just spent the day with her - It was amazing. I woke up and felt like she was alive again -and the best part - I know she is - I know she is still smiling that beautiful smile and others are hearing her laugh and tell her jokes. I know she lives, and I am so grateful that I know that and that I feel like I got to spend some time with her last night. I love you Jara. (My friend Ali Liddell died that same night in the same car crash - I love and miss her too - she just was not in the dream - I don't want her to feel left out :) I love you too Ali!

Merry Christmas

We went to JcPenny's for a classic Christmas photo shoot. I never got a picture of them smiling together - but I think I have some of the most handsome boys in the whole world! (I just scanned the photo's to put on my blog - so don't mind the quality)
It looks like Brock has a bruise on his right cheek for some reason - he doesn't, it is just from the scanner or something - the pictures don't look like that.

My sister Katie came with her two kids to get pictures taken as well - and we had them all get together at the end for an "all grandchildren" shot. But by this time they were all DONE with pictures - so this was the best one - I don't think it is so bad, considering Noah and Brad were crying most of the shoot.

I was only going to get one of Brock and one of Noah - but his one just cracked me up because he looks like such a little man - so I got two of Brock (I hope Noah does not mind).

Christmas

Christmas is definitely magical again when you have children. We had such a great holiday season. I decorated the Christmas tree while Brock was out with the boys - I had the room dark with the Christmas tree lights on when Brock walked in the door and his face just lit up - I don't think I will ever forget that look. He went right to the tree and started to take off all the ball ornaments - of coarse. I let him play with the tree and the ornaments throughout the month - I wanted Christmas to be fun - not something I was constantly nagging at him about - one day I will have a pretty tree -but for now I am content with a child proof tree.

When Christmas morning hit things were absolutely wonderful. This was the first year we slept at our own house for Christmas, it was nice to be there as a family. I did not get great pictures (my camera is... well lets just say I need a new one - Santa did not deliver!), but they capture the day alright.

Santa brought colored pencils and a large sketch pad for Brock. He loves it - and colors for a long time now. He fills the paper with a lot of different colors and lines - it has brought me a lot of joy watching him learn this new skill.The biggest hits were actually the stocking stuffers (all from the dollar store)- Brock LOVES his sunglasses and wears them all the time - and he likes for Noah to wear his too - fortunately Noah does not mind wearing them. The other hit was a Nerf gun I got at the dollar store - Brock hardly puts it down - who knew I could have spent 3 dollars on Christmas??

Noah got a jumper

My parents got Brock his SALVATION!! A Basketball hoop!!!! This picture sums up what our days have been like since Christmas. He loves it!

Brock and Noah in their new outfits from the Hanna's and their giant stuffed dog from Santa.
My mom made Noah a beautiful quilt (Noah's ark inspired print of coarse) - she made one for Brad (my sister's baby) too. I love it!!

It was a great Christmas - we got so spoiled from our families - Thanks everyone. This was an especially great Christmas for me because this was the first year Jason and I exchanged gifts. The rule had always been that we don't give presents to each other (never had the money too) and the rule actually did not change for this year - but we both got each other gifts any ways. I was SO EXCITED to give Jason a new computer screen. I did not want to spend any of our money - so I have been "collecting" money for the past few months (selling stuff of Craig's List, doing some odd jobs, etc) then I went out on Black Friday and bought it - I could not stop smiling the whole way home -and when Jason was opening it I was literally shaking I was so excited to give him it. It was especially fun because he had NO IDEA I had even got him something - surprises are great!

We had a wonderful Christmas and can't wait for future ones - for I suspect they will only get better from here.

Christmas Eve

This year we spent Christmas Eve at Jason's parents house. We had a fun time - this year was supposed to be the "Herbert Christmas", but non of Jason's brothers or sister could come - so it was just us "Utahns". Grandma Herbert and Brock made sugar cookies - Brock was really into it and clapped every time he cut a cookie out.
This was the best picture I got of Brock and Noah - Noah has started to really like eating his hands.

And - if you can believe it - this is the best picture I got of the family - could Jason look more annoyed?? and Brock was very tired.

Bishop Gibb

Last week we had a Christmas party at our old Bishop's house. We loved our old 169th ward and our bishop - Bishop Gibb. It was so good to see him and all of our other friends who have either moved or got sent to another ward in the split. We learned so much at our time in the 169th ward - it made Provo feel like home.

The whole group (Upper left: Spencer and Anna Bardsley, Kordel Braley, Sam Curren, Craig Lindsey, Sarah and Wes Jones, David and Sarah Lee Gibb, Heather Braley. Bottom left: Nathan and Brianna Rollins, Jess Curren, us, Candice and Josh Kvavle, and Karen Bourne, (and the kids))

The kids: Rachel, Noah, Brock, Grace, Ethan, Kimani, Shane, Andrew, Corinne, Kyrsten, and Ella

Me and Heather nursing our little ones.

My day

I came home from running errands with the boys to find this on my front porch.
Ooh flowers - who could they be from and why? (The table was put there to make room for our Christmas tree)

They were from my wonderful husband, just because. And to top it off it came with a box of chocolates!

Then for a family Christmas activity we made sugar cookies. Now I am aware that my sons are only 19 months and 3 months, and there would not be much participation - but I had something a whole lot different in mind. I bought a bunch of icing tools to make them pretty and sprinkles and candy... they were going to be great. After 5 minutes of decorating I had NO cookies on my tray - every time I finished one - either Brock or Jason had eaten it - not to mention Brock ate pretty much the whole bowl of yellow frosting. I said, "forget it" I hurried and did a quick slab on each cookie and called it good. I think this is what I have in store with my life of boys - I think I need a daughter.

What I had in mind

What I got...pathetic

It's Begining to Look a lot like Christmas

As mentioned in the previous post - Brock loves this whole Christmas thing. (Unfortunately I don't think he knows it is temporary). We watch "Frosty the Snowman" about 5 times a day. This morning as soon as he woke up he wanted to watch Frosty. He got his Santa Hat (that he wears all day (even if we leave the house)), his Santa toy, made me turn on the Christmas tree lights and watch Frosty. I opened up the window and found that it was snowing. It was such a great Christmas feeling morning. Frosty, snow, Christmas lights, a little boy in Pajamas and a Santa hat... what could be better??

Great's Santa Party

Every year my Grandma (their Great Grandma) has Santa come to her house to see all of the grandchildren and give them presents. He has each child on his lap and he reads about their accomplishments in the last year, asks what they want for Christmas, and gives them a gift. Both my kids liked Santa - actually Brock has become quite obsessed with the whole Christmas thing. He says "Santa", "Snowman", "Reindeer", "Frosty", "Santa Hat", "Elves", "Baby Jesus", "Mary Jesus' Mother", "Joseph Jesus' Dad", "Angel", "Star", "Donkey" and "Manger". He was SO EXCITED to see Santa. (Although you would not know it by the pictures - my serious Brock)

Noah, Brock, Audrey and Brad with Santa

Still no camera...

Still no camera - and I am in the mood (and have the time) to post, so I was going through my pictures to see if there was anything I wanted to post about and I realized I have some identical pictures of Brock and Noah. They are almost the same age in these pictures as well.

Do they look alike? I say yes - but most people say no.

Noah

Brock

Noah

Brock

Noah

Brock

Noah

Brock

Funny that I have the same pictures. I did not do it on purpose - I kinda knew I had the pics of Brock - but I just wanted some in the bath and towel and stuff.

Brock was such a serious and deep baby and child. Noah and Brock are night and day when it comes to their demeanor. Noah is always so happy and smiley, you can just tell he is an optimist, and while Brock would smile and was NEVER angry or mad - he just always looked like it. Funny how kids come with their own personalities.

No Posts

For the most part posts with out pictures are boring - I try to not do them very often. But my camera is lost and has been since Thanksgiving. So... no posts - sorry.

• Noah laughed last night
• We put up our tree - my dad and brother cut it down themselves!
• We all have had the flu for a week and a half
• Today is my birthday

People in my life who have inspired me

Karli Bell - She is truly my inspiration in life. Almost everything I do that is hard in life I start by telling myself "Karli did it" or "Karli could do it". I don't do it on purpose - she is my best friend, so I don't want to compare myself to her or make our friendship into a competition - but I decided long ago that if i could figure out how to be half the woman/mother/wife she is than I would consider my life a success. Almost any good habit I have I have acquired from her. I have had to stop trying to live like her though - we are just too different. Karli goes a mile a minute doing everything and does it all seemingly perfect - and I just can't do that - I need sleep, I need down time - she just doesn't need those things (well her "down time" is organizing or something that is productive). Her life always seems to be in a perfect balance (I know she is reading this thinking I am CRAZY and that her life is CRAZY - but it really isn't). I could go on forever... but I will spare you - she is wonderful and I learn something new from her every time we are together. I SERIOUSLY EVERYDAY look to her for inspiration and the desire to keep going and organize my life better.

Don Pendleton - Don was my boss when I was working before I had my kids (oddly enough I still think of him as my boss - I think he always will be). I cannot put into words the things and values I learned from him. On a professional level - I grew so much and discovered so many talents of mine from being his assistant. I became more confident and realized I could do anything. If I ever have to go back to work I will be confident in my business skills to go after and get almost any job I want. He taught me so much. On a personal level he taught me so much about integrity and moral character and how you can and should use them in your business dealings. I will always look back on those years from NET and working with Don as some of my best "self-discovery" times.

Char Smoot - Char was one of my friends from work at NET. Char taught me the true definition of a mothering heart. Char was the mother of the whole office. She always made sure everyone was taken care of every way possible. She was only a a few years older than most of us - but she was much wiser. She had three kids of her own at the time and she was working full time - but she always found the time to make me (and bring me) lunch when I forgot mine, or find dinner recipes for me when I was complaining about not knowing what to make. She picked people up from the bus stop when their car broke down, and ALWAYS let everyone know when there was extra food in the office. She always put everyone before herself - just like a mom. After working with her I truly discovered that as women we have an opportunity to be mothers to everyone around us.

My mom and dad - I (as most people) have come to appreciate my parents more as I have gotten married and have kids of my own. Obviously my parents have taught me a lot and I could go on and on about them, but what I have used most recently in my life is the "just do it" attitude. I never realized my parents had this attitude until just recently. My dad always worked so hard for us - when I was young he was working between 60 and 80 hours a week and was getting his MBA at the U at the same time. I know it was hard - but I don't remember it looking like it was hard. While doing all of that my parents had 5 kids - so it was pretty much all up to my mom to take care of all of us and the house. I never remember her fighting with my dad about how he "never helps" - they both had a lot to do and they both just did it, and appreciated what the other one did - they did not compare or keep track of who did what. Granted I was young - and there was probably a lot more going on behind the scenes that I was not aware of - but I do know that we were well taken care of. I do know that my parents strongly believed in having my mom stay home with the kids and they were willing to give up anything to make that happen. I appreciate that example more than they will ever know. Even when all of us were in school she still never went back to work - I love that. It was such a comfort and blessing to know that she was always there - to bring my homework in case I forgot it, or bring us lunch on our birthday, or come get us when we were sick. Her children are her life. She has talked about going back to work now that her youngest is soon going to be out of high school and going on a mission. I told her that she was still my mom and shouldn't work. I love knowing that any day I can go to Salt Lake and she will be there - I would hate it if I needed her help and she said, "I can't I have to work", I never had to hear that growing up - and I don't want to start now. (I am being a little sarcastic - I am a big girl and she can work if she wants too). And for all of this I am grateful for my dad who worked so hard to make sure we had a mother at home. They have inspired me to do my part in my own family. To be the mom and take care of the kids and the house -because that is my job. I remember my mom saying once that (I am paraphrasing) "a lot of women think that parenting and the house should be 50-50 - but that is your job - just like making the money is his job. Sure he should help when he comes home - but it is your job."

Kim Olsen - She was my young woman's president when I was growing up. I have thought of her several times since I have left my home ward and have received callings of my own. I truly saw her magnify her calling. I felt like she gave 100% of herself to the young women. I have tried to take that same approach in whatever calling I have.

There are more - and I might add some others later - but I have been thinking about these 5 lately and wanted to publicly express my gratitude.