Brock and Medication

I have been going back and forth about if and how I wanted to write this post.  Ultimately I felt like I should - maybe even only to help someone on a similar path.  I may one day delete it - or not have it included in our blog book.  

I can't really remember what I have written about Brock and his struggles with school.  Brock was smart in early childhood - he learned all of his letters and sounds by 15 months (thanks to Super Why and Letter Factory) and was reading and writing before Kindergarten.  Half way into Kindergarten we noticed that his "performance" was off.  He wasn't showing what he knew and struggled in areas at school that he didn't at home.  Half way into his first grade year his teacher approached us with some concerns she had.  She wasn't sure what was wrong but thought maybe it was dyslexia.  We contacted some specialists and concluded that Brock did not have dyslexia - ADD was brought up - but quickly dismissed because... well... he is Brock.  Being trained in early childhood education, I wasn't too concerned.  I feel like the things they push first graders to do are not developmentally appropriate for all kids and some things just "click" later.  I didn't want him to hate school or feel stupid so we just decided to help where we could and wait.  He received some special help at school and I worked with him "casually" (covertly - so he didn't hate it) everyday.  We worked really hard all summer and by the time he went into second grade we had a lot of "plans" in place with his teacher.  His largest struggle was with writing, and he had some issues with reading .  The school mostly focused on reading because that is what is important in second grade.  We thought it was just desire and handwriting.  It is hard to clearly see these things with first and second graders because they don't have to write a lot of complex things.  We made a little progress in second grade, but mostly with his reading, as that was what the school seemed most concerned with.  

Third grade I was done waiting.  I know what an important year third grade is - its do or die.  It is called the "great equalizer" as most kids who have been ahead since kindergarten plateau (unless they are specifically "gifted") and where some of the slower kids finally have things "click" and catch up (unless there is a learning disability).  Statistics pretty well establish that by the time you leave third grade if you are not caught up - you most likely never will.  I pushed to get some testing done.  He didn't qualify for an IEP at that time but did qualify for a 504.  The difference is between intervention and modification.  We modified most of his work and gave him some scaffolding to help him accomplish his tasks.  He was still pulled out for reading intervention but nothing was really happening on the writing side.  His teacher was wonderful and did a lot of research on her own to try and help Brock, but by mid year it became truly apparent how dire the situation was.  As all the kids really started having things click and take off academically we were finally able to see that he had SO MANY processing gaps.  He was so far behind, like not even writing on a first grade level.  Most nights both of us were in tears at homework.  The stress and anxiety every single day that I had over his homework was consuming.  I had to sit with him for at least an hour just to write down his list of 10 spelling words.  I had to help him with each letter, each space, each mark; and even then, with my help they were never quite right.  If we had a assignment that he had to write a 4 sentence paragraph it would honestly take us days.  He could only work for about 40 minutes before he was too emotionally overwhelmed.  It was so hard.  As a mother, I felt like such a failure and also unable to help my other children with their stuff.  I also worried I would have to help them the way I had to help Brock.  I realized there was no way I could get all these kids so close in age through and I felt like I had made a huge mistake having 4 kids so close together.  Things felt hopeless.  (At the same time I was also recognizing myself in Brock - you obviously read my blog and see my writing and spelling - I defiantly have some of the same learning deficiencies Brock has - so that was a lot to process as well.)

At the beginning of third grade he wasn't SO FAR behind because other kids were behind too, but by January all those kids had taken off and it was clear that Brock wasn't going to. I pushed for another evaluation.  We finally got our first diagnosis, Dysgraphia.  His brain doesn't process writing.  I cried.  It was so nice to know what was wrong.  Knowing this empowered us to focus ourselves better and to not get so frustrated.  His reading took off and with in a few months he was on grade level.  But the writing never came.  We used all the tricks we could and while things improved nothing really stuck.  The answers the experts gave us were mostly - just don't make him write, use technology instead.  That wasn't good enough for us.  

By fourth grade I pushed for a reassessment again and he finally qualified for an IEP.  I also was DONE waiting for the results and the school so I went in everyday for a few hours to help him.  I knew things couldn't wait any longer and there was nothing I wasn't willing to sacrifice to help him.  During all of the screening and testing it was discovered that he had ADD.  This came as a shock to us because if you know Brock you know he DOES NOT have ADD.  He is the most calm and chill person.  But there are 2 sides to ADD - and one is daydreaming - that was Brock.  We went to his pediatrician and, after a lot or research and prayer, we decided to try medication.  I was worried and unsure.  You don't have to do a lot of research to see all the inconclusive research on these medications in young growing brains.   But we decided to give it a try.

They put him on Vyvance, starting low and upping the dosage when we didn't see any negative side effects.  I am not sure how to word my next sentence because anything seems to under value the truth - all I can say is that what took place was miraculous change.  I am tearing up (again) just thinking about it.  It was like Brock was able to finally be who he truly is.  Like hand cuffs or blinders were taken off.  He has been on medication for 4 months and he has made more progress in EVERY area of his life in those 4 months than he has his whole life put together.  He comes home from school, sits down at the table, gets out his homework, and does it - WITH OUT ME SAYING A WORD.  He also does it correctly and partially legibly and if it is hard or he doesn't get it, he sticks with it until he is done even if it takes over an hour.  I am not even involved.  I honesty went into the bathroom for several days those first weeks to offer up tearful prayers of gratitude to Heavenly Father.  Just weeks before even the thought of Brock willfully doing ANYTHING for school work or writing would have taken a Herculean effort.  And sometimes, he writes just because.  Now, it still isn't always legible - and even at his BEST effort I would say he is about a first grade level - but the point is he will do it.  We still have a long road ahead of us, but I am just so grateful we found the medication when we did.