Hearing from the Brethren

Conference weekend is one of my favorite weekends. This one was no exception. My favorite session was Saturday morning - all were excellent talks - each one right after another was so powerful. (This was the only session that BOTH my boys were sleeping - so I got to hear it best.)

The first talk - Elder Hales - was AWSOME! He spoke on provident living. I liked how he said part of living providently was being satisfied and even happy with what you have and where you are right now in life - we really needed that advice :). I also appreciated how he kept referring to debt as an addiction and how overspending and buying things you don't really need can ruin your life the same way an addiction can. I also liked how he mentioned to stay away from "food addiction" - that made Jason and I laugh.

My other two favorites were Elder Christofferson and Elder Eyering. Both about challenges and overcoming them and perfecting ourselves. Perfect!

Question

Sometimes you can click on the picture to make it bigger and sometimes you can't. For example on the previous post - the first and last pictures you can't click on to see bigger - but you can on the middle one. Does anyone know why or how to fix it? Please leave a comment

(So if you want to see their different eyes - click on the middle picture - the one with Noah smiling)

I love my boys in blue

My boys (including their dad) look so good in dark colors (I think). Black is my favorite, however they don't make baby clothes in black - so I love to put the boys in dark blue. I rarely dress them alike - and have no matching clothes for them - so when I do at least get them in the same color it is worth photographing.


Both very serious - I love this picture because you can really see how different their eye color is - click on it to see it more clearly. I hope Noah's stay blue.

Happy Noah!
Kinda blurry - but worth it because of those eyes!

Reasons for having a child...build your self esteem

Now that Brock can talk a lot and express his feelings it has made our days a lot more fun and interesting.

At this stage everything I do is awesome - and I love it. Some examples from the last few weeks:

-We were in the car and I was singing to the radio really loud (I am a TERRIBLE singer) - when I was finished Brock said, "pretty singing - sing again."

-We were on the living room floor and I was really hyper and making silly faces at Brock and Noah and Brock said, "mommy funny", he kept saying it, over and over. I don't think anyone has EVER said I was funny - it actually made me feel good - I thought, "maybe I am funny."

-Barney was on and I was dancing to one of the songs (don't judge), I didn't realize that Brock was watching me - when I was done Brock insisted I continue to dance, and every time I stopped he would yell "dance again" - and then would clap at each really cool trick!

Maybe this post is more about how I am apparently desperate for attention and praise - I don't know - but it is so fun to be the center of Brock's world - and for now, I can do no wrong. I am a cool, funny mom who knows how to sing and dance.

Surrogacy anyone?

My friend Corinne Myers had her baby on Monday morning. When I got the text saying she had her I was so jealous that she just had her baby and I finally realized something I had suspected for a while... I love babies. On Monday I thought that the feeling was everything to do with babies - and then today we went down to her apartment to see her and after leaving I was able to pin-point my exact feelings.

I love HAVING babies. I love being pregnant, I love the anticipation and preparation, I love the labor and delivery (I actually felt very cheated that Noah's was so fast and easy), I LOVE the moment they hand you your child, I love the next 2 days in the hospital - just me, Jason, and our new baby - just hanging out - the three of us - with NOTHING to do but talk, sleep, and hold our baby. That is about it - after I went down to Corinne's when I was leaving I thought, I am not jealous of her now, the next 6 months I think are pretty hard (sorry to burst your bubble Corinne if you are reading this), there are still fun times and definitely rewarding, but difficult. If I could birth a baby every week - I honestly think I would. Maybe I should be a surrogate. Any takers??

Smart boy...stupid mother

Brock is at the age where I can take a shower while he is in the living room alone. I put on a show for him and give him an activity (blocks, coloring, puzzles, etc), I take Noah into the bathroom with me and leave the bathroom door opened. I have been doing this for about 7 months with out any problems.

This morning I hear Brock yell in an almost panic voice, "mom, mom, mom" and then I hear him running into the bathroom. I pull the shower curtain back to see Brock holding a pair of scissors, he handed them to me and said, "Dangerous", he had a great look of concern on his face, like, "Don't know I could have found these and hurt myself, I better give them to you so that does not happen."

I realized I had left them out from a project I was doing last night. Today could have been a lot different - I thank the Lord for His tender mercies and watching out for my son, I am glad he is so smart, and disappointed that I am so stupid.

Lies

K - So you know how sometime you think you look good - and then you see a picture of yourself and you realize that you do not look good, and even more, people told you you looked good - but now it is obvious they were just lying. I have discovered (and came to the realization) that this is the case with my pregnancies.

Everyone was always like, "you look so cute", "you have this little basketball", "You carry so well" and... I actually believed them. I never took the pregnancy pictures with me standing to the side to show my belly - so I didn't really have proof - then over the last few months I have seen a few snap shots of me during my pregnancies that were horrible - but they were both when I was weeks/days away from delivering - so I justified to myself , "I only looked like that at the end", then today I saw a picture of me at my friends wedding 2 months before I had Brock - and I had to admit the fact - I do not carry my babies well and I am not a cute pregnant person. Just to prove it (against my better judgement), I will post these pictures.

Corinne (Vanderhooft) Myers' wedding in February of 2007 - 2 months before Brock was born - not horrible - but definitely worse than I looked in my head.

Temple Square April of 2007. Just a week before I had Brock. Wow - if you click on this picture (which I don't recommend doing) you will see how fat my face got - I had no idea.

Farm Country, August of 2008, about a week before I had Noah - not the most flattering shirt - but still this would definitely not be described as a "cute pregnant girl".

In my defence I do have (what I think) is a good picture of me in August of 2008 - about 2 weeks before I had Noah. So I hope this is what I look like most of the time - not the above pictures. Please do not leave comments arguing with me - I am not fishing for compliments- just expressing my feelings - thank for listening.

A look back

Today Brock was missing his dad and would not get over it - so I decided to put in our wedding video so he could see Jason. It worked and in the mean time I got to watch our wedding video - which I have not done for a few years. I was shocked at how young we looked. I know some people are laughing (or rolling their eyes) right now because A)we are still young and B)EVERYONE told us we were too young. But we really looked so young - it got me reflecting on the last 8 years (how long we have been together) and what I thought about everything.

Jason and I fell in love young and we fell in love fast. We were 16 and I knew within a few months of dating him that I wanted to marry him (we started dating end of July '01 and I remember wanting to marry him in October of '01). We dated all through High School and are each others first and only kiss and first and only boyfriend/girlfriend. Many people told us that we would regret not dating other people in high school, falling in love so young, getting married so young, having kids so young, etc. But today I thought about it and I am happy to report that I don't regret any of it, it was right for us and I could never be happier - if anything knowing how happy we are I wish we would have skipped everything and gone right to marriage and kids.

The further Jason and I have gotten in our relationship the better things have gotten. People say that marriage is hard, and for us marriage is easy - dating, now that was hard. We just didn't know how to casually date - we just wanted to be married from day one, and for 16 year olds that causes a lot of problems (I am not talking about sex - in case any of you were thinking that) - but being married just came naturally to us. Once we had kids I was worried that things would come between us (everyone warned me of this), but our marriage was AWESOME after we had Brock - we truly started becoming one - everything just, "clicked" - and now with Noah, same thing. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for us.

Backing up a little - people said we would regret our decisions, and while I do not regret them, I will say, after pondering the issue, there are a few things I do regret.

• I regret letting Jason off the hook too soon. Because we were "in love" I didn't make him "woo" and pursue me as much as I should have. When we first started dating I had a job and he didn't so I paid for most of our dates... what?? And he never asked me to a dance in a fun/cute way because he said he did not have to impress me. I did not think it was a big deal because we were "above" that - hooey. Someone should have told me that if I really thought I was going to marry him than I should make sure that he spends ALL his money on me now - because we will be saving it for the rest of our lives.
• I regret losing contact with my girl friends - there was a lot more that had to do with this than Jason - but he definitely made it easier. Many of you read my blog and know who you are - I love you and cherish our friendship more than you will ever know.
• I regret being so "responsible" at the beginning of our marriage and not taking a honeymoon - we said we would take it that summer - we still have never taken it. Money always seems too tight - and now it is too complicated with kids. We have never really been on a vacation together - this is probably my biggest regret - because now it will never be easy and care-free. Looking back, what would a few thousand dollars less really have done to us? (Actually we were so poor we really didn't have it - but I think we could have come up with it.)

Looking back today I really realized we have accomplished a lot in the last 4 years. We were married very young, yet despite the doubts, in 4 years we both finished college, never lived with in-laws or family, never took any money from family, bought a car, had 2 kids, and have no debt or payments of any kind. I think we have done all right - we have paid our tithing and kept God's commandments and try hard to serve him in our ward.  He is the reason our life is so good.

URRG...

I feel like almost every other post this winter has been about my children's sicknesses - but here is another one! I feel like we have been sick since November - last week I took Noah to the doctors and it marked the 18 time I have gone to the doctor since Noah was born! (Well 18 co-pays - sometimes I took them both in at the same time). The last two weeks we have had 3 more ear infections and strep throat. And for the record I am not a crazy mom that takes my kids to the doctors all the time and always worries. Last winter we did not go to the doctors once! Brock finished his medicine for an ear infection 2 days ago and today he had his finger in his ear and ways saying "ear hurt" - I almost cried. It hurts Noah to sleep or breastfeed - I am going on almost 5 days without more than 2 hours of sleep, and I have to pump and them bottle feed him at every feeding. So sorry to all those who need a call back (you know who you are :) I plan on doing it this week.

Despite the sicknesses things have been relatively good. Brock wasn't actually sick at the beginning of the week - so we got to enjoy the nice weather - Jason's mom came by almost everyday and took Brock to the duck pond - which was great because I hated taking Noah out because he was feeling so miserable.

It is so fun having Noah get bigger - They are starting to play together - I miss my baby terribly - but since my nights are still bad - I still kind of feel like I have one.

Brock new favorite thing is to string beads and make necklaces. He is getting really good at it - and it creates a great opportunity to talk about sorting and patterns. I love that Brock is getting bigger and more "preschoolish" because I feel like I can actually USE my education (my degree is in Early Childhood Education) - I have turned our house into a mini preschool.

Apartment

Anyone need (or know of anyone) who needs a 2 bedroom apartment in Provo by the Y? Preferably with kids. (It's not mine - in case anyone was excited for me because they thought we were moving - because we are not!!!)

Saint George

Karli and I took our kids to Saint George last week for some fun in the sun! We did this twice last year and it was awesome - so we did it again this year. Last year we had another mom and her kids on the trips - but last minute her kids got sick - so it was just the 6 of us (plus Karli's little sister and her friend - they were a HUGE help). Last year I was pregnant with Noah and remember being overwhelmed at the thought of having another baby so close to Brock (no one knew I was pregnant - we were not telling people yet) - it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Both my kids are really great - I can't complain.

All the pictures are from Snow Canyon.
Playing in the sand dunes. Noah loved the feel of the sand in his toes and hands - he would laugh when he tried to pick it up and couldn't. Brock definitely has to warm up to stuff like this - when we do something new he usually just sits there for 15 or so minutes and just watches everyone else - Noah just dives right in.

Not a great shot - but I liked the view of the sky - plus who can turn down a sandy cookie? Not Brock!

I think we might be putting a sand box on our balcony this summer - he really liked digging.

Payton really likes babies - and he is really cute with Noah. Luckily Noah does not mind the attention - he is used to Brock being ALL over him. Here Payton is trying to bury Noah's feet.

The funny part about this trip is it really shows the difference between your first child and your second child. I counted and on the first trip to Saint George last year I took 48 pictures in 3 days - and all of them were just of Brock by himself or with me, on the second trip I took 30 pictures - again, all just of Brock or with me, and on this trip I took 12 pictures - pretty much all with other kids - one of Brock by himself - none with just Noah and none with me and the kids. (First trip - here, here, and here. second trip - here.) Funny how things change - Don't feel too bad for Noah though - he actually has more pictures to date than Brock did at his age (mostly thanks to all the newborn photo shoots he got).

Dishes

So over the weekend me and the boys went to St. George with Karli and her kids (pictures to come). I spoke with Jason on Saturday night and he proudly told me that he "did the dishes". I came home to a dirty pan in the sink and a pile of dirty dishes on the counter. I rolled my eyes.

That night after Brock went to bed this was our conversation:

me: "I am going to feed Noah, while I do that, how about you go in and do the dishes."
J: "I did the dishes."
me: "No you didn't, doing the dishes means there are no dirty dishes on the counter and there are no dirty pans in the sink - STACKING dishes does not count as DOING them!"
J: "fine"

He proceeds to do the dishes. He is done and I go into the kitchen and he had RINSED out the pan and set it next to the sink for me to wash.

me: "Are you kidding me - DO THE DISHES!"
J: "I did the dishes."
Me: "Let me reiterate, doing the dishes means there are no dirty dishes on the counter and there are no dirty pans in the sink. When I go on vacation I leave the house clean so I can come home to a clean house - seriously - wash the pan!"
J: "You are unbelievable."

Where-upon he washed the pan

Most of this conversation was in sarcasm - but seriously - what is this boy thinking?! At first I wasn't going to make a big deal about it - after all he really thought that he was being a great husband by doing the dishes - but then I thought - after 4 years of marriage and 2 kids - he needs to know. I am told he gets his "stacking dishes is the same as washing dishes" attitude from his father.

Draper Open House

We took the boys to the Draper Temple open house today. The above picture does not do the event justice - the boys were great. Noah was happy the whole time and Brock was relatively good. He does not have the "whisper" thing down very well - and felt the need to point at every picture of Jesus and say "Jesus" and "Angel" if there were pictures of angels. But how can a mother complain about that?!?

Brock's fabulous cheesy smile whenever he sees a camera.

When Brock was Noah's age Jason was home all the time - so we have lots of pictures of them together - not so with Noah - so we have to make an effort to get them - oh the pains in the life of a second child. (I should know.) :)

Walter Wick

The BYU Museum of Art is featuring the Art of Walter Wick. He is the artist that makes all the "Eye Spy" books. I took the boys on opening night - it was really cool - they had activities, dancers, and treats. The exhibit goes through August 1st - I suggest you take your kids - it is really fun to look at all the art. (FYI: you cannot take pictures in the museum - if you do they send a "police officer" and make you delete them - I know from experience).

Below are just a few fun pictures and facts for your enjoyment.
Noah:
Still not sleeping through the night
The happiest person Jason and I have ever met
Thinks Brock is like the best thing in the world
Usually makes this face (below) when you take out the camera

Brock:
Is learning so fast - he can say almost anything and is talking a lot in sentences (3 or 4 words), sings several parts of the alphabet (ABC, G, LMNOP, V, X, Y and Z, Sing with me), counts to 6, and has 3 or 4 of his favorite books memorized.
Jumps off of EVERYTHING - He always counts down before he jumps - so whenever we hear counting - we have to find where he is - because he is about to jump!
Trys to play catch with Noah on a daily basis - Noah luckily does not mind getting hit with balls - he actually thinks it is pretty funny.

Living vicariously

I have come to the conclusion that I miss work. It has taken me a while to come to this conclusion because I thought that if I admitted that I missed work than that meant I did not enjoy being at home or that I wanted to go back to work - and I knew neither of those things were true. However, over the past few weeks I have been able to pinpoint exactly what I miss about work - mostly through Jason working.

• Food - I miss people buying me lunches, dinners, and Friday morning breakfast. On a weekly or daily basis Jason's work buys him lunch at Cafe Rio, Zupas, Chipotle, Chinese Food, Noodles, or some other place that I would LOVE to eat at - while I am at home with a PB&J or Top Roman - yum! And THEN he has the audacity to come home and complain about how they put too much rice in his Cafe Rio pork burrito. I could kill him!


• Office gossip - When I say office gossip I don't mean talking about other people behind their backs, I mean having a friend at work that lives that crazy life completely unlike my own that is full of stories and drama and having her/him fill me in on what they did over the weekend or last night. Two weeks ago I got really excited because they (PBS) rolled out a whole new set of Sid the Science Kid - 10 all new episodes on simple machines and backyard science! That is my exciting update!


• Clothing - I miss being able to wear fancy business clothes. Sometimes I still wear them just for fun - by the end of the day they have breast milk, spit-up, snot, and food all over them -not very business like. Same goes with jewelry.

I was able to come to these conclusions because I realized I was living vicariously through Jason. When he comes home from work I ask him what he had for lunch - I want to know what he ordered, what he put on it, and how it tasted. Jason also has some good friends at work that live very interesting lives - I have never really met any of these people but I have become obsessed with them. Everyday I ask him about them and if he has any updates on their stories. I tell him to ask them specific questions about details that he left out. During my day I am thinking about them and thinking about what advice Jason should give them. It is SO pathetic - I think this is why stay at home moms get into soap opera's - everyone needs some drama. And finally I try to pick out Jason's work outfits for him to wear - but he usually just rolls his eyes and wears something else - rude!

Oh - to still have an interesting life! For a disclaimer - I would not go back to work for the world and am so grateful to Jason working so hard so I don't have too. All I really need is a food stipend so I can go to lunch every once in a while and a good friend with a lot of drama.

More Sickness

Brock:
RSV: check
Double ear infection: check

Noah:
RSV: check
Double ear infection: check

Mom:
Flu: (probably RSV): check

It has been a great week - let me tell you. Jason took a half day on Wednesday to help, my mom came up on Thursday to help take them to the doctors, let me take a nap, and make us dinner. Friday we watched a lot of Elmo while Noah and I laid on the couch. When is summer??

A Good Sweat

I have never really been one to work out or eat right. I worked out religiously in high school for about 7 months and then again my first year of collage and I love to work out during my pregnancies. But besides my pregnancies I have not worked out for about 4 or 5 years. Until today.

Working out when you are pregnant is very different - you have to keep your heart rate under 140, you are not supposed to "push yourself", sweat, breath real heavy, or get tired or achy. So today I went and worked out for the first time in a long time (I want to have a healthier heart) - and I feel AWESOME. I love to work out - when I get around to doing it. I was sweaty and tired - it was great. I plan on getting back into it.

On a side note: I love to watch the biggest loser - it is so inspiring. After I watch it I always tell Jason I want to be obese just so I can lose the weight and feel really good about myself - when you see them hard work and the accomplishment on their faces - you know they feel so good about themselves. It doesn't feel as good when you don't have to work for it - so maybe I am trying to pretend.

Valentines

I can not over emphasize the WONDERFUL Valentines day Jason and I had. We had planned on going to a hotel for the night and having the grandparents watch the boys. He had told me we were going to the Hilton Garden Inn in Sandy and having dinner and dancing there. I was so excited! Then he surprised me and took me to The Grand America instead! We stayed in their Executive Suit! He had scheduled a massage for me, had chocolate dipped strawberries delivered to the room, along with sparkling cider, then we went to their restaurant for an amazing dinner buffet.

It was one of the best nights ever! I will always remember it. The surprises were great - he was so sweet and wonderful. Actually, one of the best parts was that it was so fancy and something we would have never done any other time in our marriage, we never went on a honeymoon, or any other real vacation alone, and have never been away since the kids were born. Money has always been so tight and we could never justify it. It was so nice to be able to say, we deserve this, and it is for reasons like this that Jason works so hard for us. I was tempted to ask Jason so many times "how much is this costing us?", but I never did, it was nice to just be treated to it and not have it matter. I think it is important to let him just take care of me and not have me worry about the cost. It was not only the best Valentines Day ever, it was one of the best days ever!

Big day for Noah

Monday was a big day for Noah. Reason one being we finally got and set up his Exersaucer. We borrowed this exersaucer from a friend for Brock. It was wonderful! It is the most expensive exersaucer out there and is a PAIN to put together - but we decided it was totally worth it! So several people (great-aunts, grandma's, and great grandma's) all chipped in and gave it to him for Christmas. This exersaucer is great because it is developmentally appropriate for a HUGE age range. There are so many things that it keeps their attention for a longer period of time - but it is also not overstimulating. When they are done with the exersaucer part it folds out into an "S" shaped "work station" - this was my FAVORITE attribute. They would love this for years and when ever we get a house with a play room I will keep it up all the time. Definitely worth the money.

It comes completly apart. Jason and Brock had fun putting it together though. Brock loves to help Jason put things together - but his was the first time that he actually really did help. He could follow directions and bring pieces to Jason and correct tools.

This is Noah's (so-far) favorite toy. (It was Brock's too.)

Brock is loving having the toy back as well. I was worried that he want to play in it - but it hasn't been too bad. From day one we explained what was just for Noah and what was just for Brock and it hasn't been much of a fight. He does not sit in the bouncer, the swing, the jumper, or the exersaucer - I am glad we stuck to our guns - we really could not afford to replace anything if it broke. (I do let him sit in the Bumbo - that can't break.) I think it is important to set realistic guidelines with kids - even though Brock was so young when Noah was born - he understood what was expected of him - and I just had to be 100% consistent no matter how much easier things would be to give in.

Noah's next big event was rice cereal. I had hoped it would help him sleep through the night - my hopes were in vain. Nevertheless he liked it well enough, as long as it is really warm and not too thick.

I am really not excited about entering this stage of his life - the eating baby food stage. I find it to be the worst stage. I make my own baby food - which I am glad I do - but urg... it's just annoying. I don't have the freezer space to store the food and I find the whole thing nauseating. (I did not find it nauseating until I was pregnant with Noah - now I can hardly look at the stuff.) They are also always messy and smell gross. I find baby food all over them, me, and my kitchen, plus this is when their diapers start to smell. I wish we could skip this stage and go straight to cut up finger foods!

"I do it"

I don't think you are officially a two year old until you say those 3 words - "I do it". Today I put a one year old down for a nap and a two year old woke up. Brock is VERY easy going and totally chill, he is pretty independent, but has never really demanded that HE do anything. Well, today he woke up from his nap and we had to go run some errands, so I started to get him ready to go outside and he said, "I do it". Excuse me?? HE wanted to: put on his shoes, put on his coat, zip the zipper, put on his hat, and carry the diaper bag down 3 flights of stairs. He does not know how to do any of these things (except put on his hat). And despite the fact that I was in a hurry and did not want to waist time my mothering intuition and my degree in early childhood education told me to "let him do it". So after 10 minutes of trying - he asked for help.

"I do it" - please - I don't know if I am ready for this.