My new favorite place

Last year Brock and I went to Bridal Veil Falls a few times - but we never made it up to the actual Falls because I assumed that it would be dangerous and not worth the trip - so we always just stayed down on the trial and threw rocks into the river. Boy did we miss out on some fun! Last week we went all the way up to the falls and it was so great. It has the cutest little pond with really slow shallow water with a TON a perfect throwing rocks. We have been up about 4 times since then.

Brock showing off his rocks!


Isn't that a great expression on Noah?!?




When I first put Noah down he of coarse ate all the rocks - but after seeing Brock throwing the rocks he felt inspired. He threw more rocks than Brock. He would get so excited to see them go into the river - he would scream and shake his hands with excitement every time!

Happy Fourth of July

Not a very exciting one for us - but it was nice to just relax and have Jason home for Friday.

undeserving

Jason is under a lot of stress right now and has been for the last little while. Things have not been turning out the way he/we had hoped with his job and he is having to make a lot of crucial decisions. All of these things have been weighing on him. With all of this going on I have to admit I have not been a very good wife. I am embarrassed to say that for the past few weeks I have been quite demanding, whiny, complainy, cynical, argumentative, and sometimes flat out selfish. And what does Jason bring me home last week?

These.



I couldn't believe it. I KNEW how undeserving I was. It was embarrassing to even except them. I told him that wives like me did not deserve roses like that and that he should give them to me when I start acting the part. He, of coarse, completely disagreed with the fact that I had been a bad wife and told me how wonderful and supportive I was, and how I deserved these flowers. It was a very humbling day to say the least.

The worst part is I still find myself being negative and unsupportive the last few days - why?? When did I get such a quick tongue and negative attitude? I need help.

Brock still loves to give Noah balls

Noah did not like it so much.

Rainy Days

We had a lot of rainy days in June. Noah loves to be on the balcony - as soon as he sees the door open he drops what ever he is playing with and bolts for the door. If you close it before he gets to it or if you pick him up - he starts screaming - actual tears and everything - it is quite the show.

It is strange seeing your second child wear clothes that your first wore. It literally seems like just yesterday Brock wore this hat and jacket.

Have I mentioned my kids just love sitting on the porch - we need to move to the south.

Have you ever seen as sweeter boy?

Provo Carnival

There was a carnival in Provo a few weeks ago. We went because I thought Brock would have fun. The jury is still out.

Brock is pretty sensitive when it comes to loud noises or moving attractions. He scares very easy; but he wants to be a big boy and he wants to act tough. Every ride he said he wanted to go on, "ride horsey", "ride apple", ride car" - but then EVERY SINGLE ride, as soon as we got on it he would freak out and say "off", "off", "off". I obviously don't want to traumatize the kid, so I have to ask the attendant to stop it to let us off. But then after we got off he would say proudly, "I rode horsey" or "I rode apple."

Sure you did Brock, sure you did.

This picture basically sums it up.

Follow-up

Note: Scroll down and read my previous post before reading this one to get full understanding

After I posted about my best 'good day' - I thought - I wonder if I blogged about it when it happened. I checked my blog archives - and sure enough I did. It is funny - I wrote almost the same thing. If you really want to see it you can click Here and scroll down a little. Or read below for the jist. (the link does have more fun information if any of you really care :)

"Some of my most favorite moments with Brock is sitting on a blanket sharing a picnic lunch. He holds the sandwich and he shares with me. It is so cute. He takes a bite, then he gives me a bite, and so forth. We just sit there for about 20 minutes sharing the lunch and "talking" - the other day we were doing this and I thought to myself - "you are my best friend" - I don't know if that is sad or not :) But I just have so much fun with him, how could he not be!"

haha - at least I am honest and consistent

My best 'good day'

After my previous post last night I started thinking more about 'good days', and I mentioned that I could not capture the emotion in a picture. Than I remembered my best 'good day'. This is a day that I will always remember as complete and utter pure joy. It was July 2008, Brock was 15 months old and I was about 7 months pregnant with Noah. We went up to Sundance with a picnic lunch to escape the heat. Nothing grand happened to make it the most perfect wonderful day of mothering. Brock and I just sat on a blanket under a big tree right next to the river- there was a nice cool breeze and no other people around - we just heard birds and the sound of the river. Brock was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and was kindly sharing it with me - one bite for him one bit for me. He has always been such a good boy - happy just to sit and spend time with me. It is weird to think back to the days before he could talk because I feel like we sat on that blanket and talked for hours. Truly no words were exchanged, but we definelty heard one another. We were just playing, eating, and laughing - I remember vividly looking at him and thinking "you are my best friend". I still feel that way (I am torn between if that is endearing or pathetic?) I don't even really remember having my camera that day or wanting to take a picture to 'capture the moment' - but on his second birthday I was going through his pictures and found this and immediately all those emotions of that 'perfect day' stirred inside of me. This is MY picture of Brock - this is how I will always remember him.

Good Days

You know those days when everything just seems perfect? There are times when I am playing with the boys, usually just simple stuff: reading books, building with blocks, playing in the parking lot, and my heart just swells with joy and happiness and I think to myself, "This is a good day." It is those moments that make all the other moments worth it; when you just want to stop time and pray that this moment will last forever.

I actually am blessed to say I have more "good days" than not. It actually takes quite a lot of "stars aligning" to make a good day. The formula usually consists of this: all three waking up early and happy, a good breakfast, cleaning up breakfast as soon as it is over, getting to the gym by 7:50 am - but before leaving for the gym the house is clean, my bed is made, and the boys are both dressed for the day, Noah goes down for a nap right after the gym, I take a shower and get ready while Brock plays, Brock and I pray and read scriptures, the house is again cleaned and I have the diaper bag packed and ready to go out for an activity by the time Noah wakes up around 10:30. If all those things get done, or at least a majority of them, I know it is going to be a "good day". And some days none of those things get done, and they are definitely "bad days" - on those days I usually give up and say, "I will start over again tomorrow, we will just make the best of today." Then we head outside so I don't have to face my messy house.

But back to the good days. This day was an exceptionally good day. So good infact I tried to capture my feeling with photos - of coarse it did not work - I don't think you can capture that feeling - but at least I tried.

We were down in our parking lot...

Noah was playing on his blanket...

and I got the hose out for Brock - he likes to take his animals swimming and throw rocks in our make-shift river. (This is actually a daily set up for us)

Yes, it was a good day.

Steve's soccer ball

Steve Kapfer had a soccer ball that he used to kick around the parking lot. Brock loved to watch him kick it up against the shed doors - as soon as Brock could kick a ball he took it right out to the parking lot and kicked it up against the shed doors just like Steve.

Steve just left the soccer ball outside in the parking lot (if you can't tell), and I was always amazed that it was never stolen nor did it ever roll away. When the Kapfer's moved almost a year ago (has it been that long? wow) Steve left it. About a week after they moved the ball disappeared, I looked everywhere for it. I thought it was so strange that for almost 3 years it never got lost, and then as soon as the Kapfer's moved - the ball was gone. I actually intended on blogging about how sad I was that the ball was gone - the last emblem of the Kapfers. Then a few week's ago the ball reappeared - out of no where. We came down into the parking lot one morning - and there it was, just sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Brock's eyes lit up as he went and kicked it up against the shed doors.

I love having the ball back - it makes me feel like the Kapfers are still right next door. I still find little girl barrettes and bows ("pretties") in my couch cushions and occasionally I come across a toy baby bottle or some other sort of pink toy. It seems like just yesterday I had those precious girls in our living room jumping on the couches and getting out all of our toys. Sometimes I wonder if Brock remembers them - but I haven't asked yet, in case he does -because if he went over and knocked on their door I would cry. (confession - I am crying right now just thinking about it.)

Noah's basket of balls

I have been meaning to blog about this for months. Ever since Noah could sit up his favorite thing to do is to sit by the basket of balls and pick each ball out one by one and play with each ball. He would seriously sit there for hours if I let him and just slowly play with each ball. He is very meticulous and controlled in his play. He likes balls just as much as Brock did/does - but in a very different way. Brock was throwing balls and hitting balls by 8 months - Noah just likes to hold them, roll them, and shake them - he has yet to figure out how to throw them.

I am really glad I got this picture when I did - Noah is crawling all over the place now and doesn't really do this as much - I didn't realize how sad it would make me. He has really grown up in the last week.

In honor of my father

It took only a few months into marriage when I realized that most (if not all) of my preconceived notions of what a father/husband/man is or supposed to do came from what my father did. I never really realized what a profound influence he had on me until I started my own family. During this last Fathers Day weekend I have been thinking about my dad and I thought I would share with all of you what a terrific father he was and is.

• He works so hard for our family. I think this would be number one on most peoples list about their fathers - as well it should be, they are supposed to be the providers... right? Well, when it comes to my dad I think it is extra true. When I was growing up my dad worked so hard and sacrificed so much to make sure that we were taken care of - and more importantly, to make sure my mom was home with us. He was working 60, 80, even 90 hour weeks while he was also getting his MBA. For the last 10 years or so my dad has been traveling a lot for work - I never realized what I sacrifice that is until I had to travel a few times for my job - it is exhausting. For the last few years my dad has had some hard times at his company, he is unhappy with his position and with the way the company is being run, nor is he getting the credit he deserves. My level of respect rose dramatically when I considered the fact that my dad maybe didn't like his job, or that it was hard, but he did it because that is what he was supposed to do - I had never considered this growing up.
• He always did what was best for the future. This kind of goes with the category above - but I wanted to put it in it's own because I think it is so great. Soon after my parents got married my mom got pregnant, and then she got pregnant soon after that, and again soon after that. My dad was still in college getting his bachelors, but was also working. In a few years he was a manager at Smiths grocery store, he had great benefits and was making really good money. I think it is really tempting for many young fathers to feel the pressures of having to provide for their new family and to "temporarily" put their education on hold to hurry and make some money, especially when they have a good job. I think my dad could have easily done this and provided great for us for several years - but he didn't. He finished his bachelors and went on to get an MBA. Looking back it would have been almost catastrophic, both financially and emotionally, on the family if he would have given up on his education and just stayed with his seemingly "good job". To me this says a lot about my dad's character and priorities.
• My dad always took time for us. As previously mentioned my dad was very busy while I was growing up - so obviously he wasn't home much - but when he was he always took time for us. My dad got home from work/school and he was in dad mode. I have fond memories of gardening or playing out in the backyard with my dad. I remember that Wednesday's were my dad's day-off and I knew we would play all day. He took me camping, fishing, and hiking. We used to go hiking - just me and him. He always came on our family vacations to Flaming Gorge or to the cabin and always new everything about the outdoors. Looking back I realize how much he had to prioritize our camping to be able to come every year with his busy schedule. Not only all that, but he coached my softball team every year and also many of my brothers and sisters sports. He came to almost every game and many of the practices just to watch and support. He took us all snow skiing several times every winter and fishing in the summers. When I was in the hospital as a child I remember his coming and having lunch with me almost every day. I never remember him really taking time for himself when he got home at nights or on the weekend. Everything was for the family.
• I could always go to my dad for help. My dad and I always seemed to have a special bond - different from my other sisters. I have always felt like I could talk to him. This became extra true and important while I was dating and deciding to marry Jason. It was quite the traumatic experience with the family and there was a lot of drama and hurt feelings. My dad was the only one that I felt understood me, trusted me, and supported me. I will ALWAYS remember the way he treated me and I appreciate it so much. I also always knew I could go to him for gospel help. I remember when I was 16 I was reading the Book of Mormon for the first time and I didn't understand some of the Isaiah chapters in Second Nephi (let's be honest...who does?), the first person that came to my mind to ask was my dad. I remember sitting down with him and going over the chapters. I always knew that my dad served a great mission and always put the Lord first. When Jason and I were very first dating he sat in on one of our family home evenings - my dad was discussing the D&C - mostly section 1. I wasn't really paying attention - I was mostly just trying to get Jason's attention. After it was over Jason told me that I should have listened to my dad because he was saying some great stuff. My dad has always had a strong spirit about him.
• He is such a great grandpa. I really can't over emphasize this enough. Watching my dad with Brock has been one of the greatest blessings. It has opened up a whole new side of my dad that I never saw or recognized before. He is always wanting to play with Brock and even just be around him. He is always wanting Brock to "help him out in the garden" or "go play with the dog together" or "go run an errand with him." If my dad is leaving the house he always says, "Brock come with me." I remember when Brock was like 1 and I was over there feeding him baby food and my dad asked if he could feed him. What? Sure. I did not think my dad would have ever asked that. He is SO FUN with the grand children and really just puts them first as soon as they come over to the house. They all know they can find Grandpa down stairs in his office and that he will give them candy.

Thank you dad for being so great and selfless, you always put the family first, and we never really appreciated it. I love you and hope you had a great fathers day.

Ghetto? no

Q: Is it ghetto to make your oldest child ride in the basket of your stroller instead of buying a double stroller?
A: Not when he loves it

The Provo temple has BEAUTIFUL pink roses EVERYWHERE right now. These pictures do not show the half of it, it is so stunning. For you in Provo - you should head up there - it is so beautiful. So beautiful that Brock sat down on the grass and asked me to take a picture of him with the flowers... I am not kidding.

Also, while we were up there we saw a lot of MTC missionaries coming out of the temple - he talked to a few of them. For the next few days he would get his shoes on and grab the diaper bag and tell me good-bye, when I asked him where he was going he would say, "on a mission for Jesus." haha

Just to talk

When I was in Jr High and High School there was a Snow Shack up the street from my house. This was the gathering place for teenagers during the summer months. This was largely before everyone had cell phones - so if you wanted to find your friends, just chat, or hook up with some new friends, you just had to head up to the Snow Shack and in a few minutes you were bound to find what you were looking for.

The adult equivalent is obviously a bar or a coffee shop. But where do you go if you are Mormon? Tonight after my kids went to sleep I had to to run an errand. It took about 10 minutes, I then found myself just driving around Provo, I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, a friend, a stranger, I didn't care. I pulled into a couple restaurants, but realized that sitting alone at a table would not magically fill this need I had, and it would probably just make me more lonely. I realized I just really needed to find some equivalent to a bar - not like a crazy bar - something like "Cheers" - I actually don't even know if bars like that exist, seeing as I am not cultured in those areas - and if they do, they definitely don't exist in Provo. Well, I obviously didn't go anywhere, seeing as it is now 9:30 and instead of talking to strangers in some bar equivalent, I am blogging - is that the Mormon/housewife equivalent of a bar? Is this how I am socializing? For tonight it is. I pulled back into my apartment complex and it took all the strength I had just to get out of the car and go inside. I really, really, really miss Ashley.

What do you do when you can't stand Provo one second longer?

You leave it all behind and head to Vegas.

I needed to get way - somewhere I could drive, alone, with my two boys. Somewhere where I
could get DAILY adult (preferably) women interaction, with conversation that did not revolve around children. My sister-in-laws live in Vegas, only 5 hours south, and neither of them were currently working. I don't really know my sister-in-laws that well. Jason only has one sister, Kasey, I knew her pretty well when Jason and I were dating in high school, but since we got married she joined the peace corps and then moved to Arizona and then Vegas. I always felt like she still saw me as her younger brother's high school girl friend. My other sister-in-law, Sarah, is married to Jason's older brother, Jared. Jared wasn't there because he was deployed (he just got home a few days ago). Jared and Sarah just got married a few months ago, and I had only met her once when they were dating, and as for Jared... well lets just say he doesn't come around much. Since I have been with Jason (8 years), I have probably seen him 6 times, and in those 6 times, maybe heard him say 10 words.

Basically what I am trying to say was that I was really nervous to call them and just invite myself down with my two young boys. I really don't know where I got the guts. I dialed like 5 times, but hung up before pushing send. I think it just shows how desperate I was to get away. When I told them I wanted to come visit they said, "when?" and I was like, "umm... how about tomorrow?" hahaha...they were so sweet and so willing to accommodate us- they were so great.


I was nervous about the drive. I had about 15 binkey's in my cup holder, so I could just reach back and give Noah another one, and a bunch of pens and markers to keep handing Brock. I borrowed a DVD player from my brother, and left right at nap time. It went GREAT! The boys were awesome. We stopped only once in St. George.

We stayed at Sarah's house. She is studying to take the test to be a science teacher for next fall. So she just stayed at home and studied while Kasey went with us on all of our outings. But, like I said, I didn't go for the outings and activities, I went for the interaction and conversation... which I definitely got. We stayed up until 12 or 1 am just talking - which was hard because my kids woke up at 5 am EVERY MORNING. I felt so bad for these single/newly married women - they definitely got a good dose of birth control from my boys.

One day we went swimming

It wasn't too hot - especially for Vegas - see the nice overcast!

And on another day we went to this fun park with HUGE slides, water sprayers, and a dinosaur fossil area.

Sarah has a cat named, Kitty. Brock was fascinated with him. On the first day Brock would do anything to avoid the cat, walk all the way around the room, just so he wouldn't walk by him - but was always watching the cat, very interested in what it was doing. By the end of the week they had done a 180. Brock just wanted to be with the cat, pet him, feed him, hold him, chase him. Kitty would not come out of Sarah's room. If Brock was being quiet, Kitty would sneak out to see if he had left, then when he would see Brock he would run back into the room. Brock had NO boundaries. I didn't get the picture I wanted too - but every time Kitty would eat, Brock would lay on his stomach with his head in his hands and watch Kitty eat. Brock would be like 6 inches from Kitty's face - it was so funny.

I had the BEST time. I seriously can not over emphasize that enough. Not only was it EXACTLY what I needed, but I really got to know and love my sister-in-laws. I really feel like we are friends now and not just because we all share a last name. Being able to get together without the influence of the family or husbands, really gave us a chance to get to know each other as adults and as women. And I feel like I got to know Jared a lot better too - even though he wasn't there, just by getting to know his wife. I came home and said to Jason, "You have this really cool older brother that you don't even know."

Thanks SO MUCH Kasey and Sarah for taking us in and being SO great to us. It was such a blast.

What should go in my confession sidebar...but it was too long

For all you google reader people who don't actually ever go to my blog - I have a "confessions" gadget on my sidebar - where I divulge my deepest darkest secrets.

I really want to stop nursing... but I will continue for a few more months for several reasons. One of the reasons is for excuses. I have always wanted to eat snacks in church and take naps in the afternoon... but always too embarrassed to do so, but when you are pregnant or nursing you feel justified. Well I have been either pregnant or nursing for almost 3 years now... and I don't want to go back to no naps and no inappropriate snacking. (Maybe I should just get pregnant? :) Another reason for still nursing - I like having the boobs - but that one is more embarrassing and I should probably not admit that.

Zoo

We have already made it to the zoo twice this summer - and I intend on going several more times. I like to go at 9 am- right when it opens - you practically have the zoo to yourself and it is not hot yet. Brock loves it - he talks about it at least once a day, he talks about how he "saw elephant at zoo" or "rode train at zoo".

Brock and Noah with Payton and Brooklyn Bell

Noah is really great at the zoo - despite the above picture - it was mostly just a bad shot - he was not that sad.

On the train ride

My sister, Ashley, has Tuesdays and Thursdays off this summer - so I have tried to plan my outings accordingly so she can come. We had a great time with her at the zoo.

Payton and Brock are so cute together - they get along great when it is just the two of them - but they are a year apart, which makes a big difference at this age - so when other kids are around that are closer to Payton's age and developmental range Brock goes and plays with Brooklyn - which is great becasue they are only 6 months apart. The above picture was taken in the morning when there were no other kids from our play groups there - the below picture was taken when Payton's other friends came. Most of Karli's and mine's kids are going to be like that - we just can't seem to get on the same schedule, for example when Payton is in 6th grade, Brock will be in 5th, Brooklyn will be in 4th, Noah will be in 3rd, her new baby will be in 2nd, and my next one will be in 1st (I am not pregnant - just hypathetically) - we will probably never have kids in the same grade - strange that we are always one year off.



Noah is so cute at the zoo. I have never really used my full size stroller (I like to be a simplest) - but my sister convinced me to use it at the zoo - and now I probably use it daily. Noah just is as happy as a clown in that thing. He just lounges around eating his kix - enjoying the ride.

Sometimes he sticks both his feet up on the tray and just leans back - enjoying his sweet ride.

He had a little too much fun... he totally conked out in like two seconds.