Living vicariously

I have come to the conclusion that I miss work. It has taken me a while to come to this conclusion because I thought that if I admitted that I missed work than that meant I did not enjoy being at home or that I wanted to go back to work - and I knew neither of those things were true. However, over the past few weeks I have been able to pinpoint exactly what I miss about work - mostly through Jason working.

• Food - I miss people buying me lunches, dinners, and Friday morning breakfast. On a weekly or daily basis Jason's work buys him lunch at Cafe Rio, Zupas, Chipotle, Chinese Food, Noodles, or some other place that I would LOVE to eat at - while I am at home with a PB&J or Top Roman - yum! And THEN he has the audacity to come home and complain about how they put too much rice in his Cafe Rio pork burrito. I could kill him!


• Office gossip - When I say office gossip I don't mean talking about other people behind their backs, I mean having a friend at work that lives that crazy life completely unlike my own that is full of stories and drama and having her/him fill me in on what they did over the weekend or last night. Two weeks ago I got really excited because they (PBS) rolled out a whole new set of Sid the Science Kid - 10 all new episodes on simple machines and backyard science! That is my exciting update!


• Clothing - I miss being able to wear fancy business clothes. Sometimes I still wear them just for fun - by the end of the day they have breast milk, spit-up, snot, and food all over them -not very business like. Same goes with jewelry.

I was able to come to these conclusions because I realized I was living vicariously through Jason. When he comes home from work I ask him what he had for lunch - I want to know what he ordered, what he put on it, and how it tasted. Jason also has some good friends at work that live very interesting lives - I have never really met any of these people but I have become obsessed with them. Everyday I ask him about them and if he has any updates on their stories. I tell him to ask them specific questions about details that he left out. During my day I am thinking about them and thinking about what advice Jason should give them. It is SO pathetic - I think this is why stay at home moms get into soap opera's - everyone needs some drama. And finally I try to pick out Jason's work outfits for him to wear - but he usually just rolls his eyes and wears something else - rude!

Oh - to still have an interesting life! For a disclaimer - I would not go back to work for the world and am so grateful to Jason working so hard so I don't have too. All I really need is a food stipend so I can go to lunch every once in a while and a good friend with a lot of drama.

More Sickness

Brock:
RSV: check
Double ear infection: check

Noah:
RSV: check
Double ear infection: check

Mom:
Flu: (probably RSV): check

It has been a great week - let me tell you. Jason took a half day on Wednesday to help, my mom came up on Thursday to help take them to the doctors, let me take a nap, and make us dinner. Friday we watched a lot of Elmo while Noah and I laid on the couch. When is summer??

A Good Sweat

I have never really been one to work out or eat right. I worked out religiously in high school for about 7 months and then again my first year of collage and I love to work out during my pregnancies. But besides my pregnancies I have not worked out for about 4 or 5 years. Until today.

Working out when you are pregnant is very different - you have to keep your heart rate under 140, you are not supposed to "push yourself", sweat, breath real heavy, or get tired or achy. So today I went and worked out for the first time in a long time (I want to have a healthier heart) - and I feel AWESOME. I love to work out - when I get around to doing it. I was sweaty and tired - it was great. I plan on getting back into it.

On a side note: I love to watch the biggest loser - it is so inspiring. After I watch it I always tell Jason I want to be obese just so I can lose the weight and feel really good about myself - when you see them hard work and the accomplishment on their faces - you know they feel so good about themselves. It doesn't feel as good when you don't have to work for it - so maybe I am trying to pretend.

Valentines

I can not over emphasize the WONDERFUL Valentines day Jason and I had. We had planned on going to a hotel for the night and having the grandparents watch the boys. He had told me we were going to the Hilton Garden Inn in Sandy and having dinner and dancing there. I was so excited! Then he surprised me and took me to The Grand America instead! We stayed in their Executive Suit! He had scheduled a massage for me, had chocolate dipped strawberries delivered to the room, along with sparkling cider, then we went to their restaurant for an amazing dinner buffet.

It was one of the best nights ever! I will always remember it. The surprises were great - he was so sweet and wonderful. Actually, one of the best parts was that it was so fancy and something we would have never done any other time in our marriage, we never went on a honeymoon, or any other real vacation alone, and have never been away since the kids were born. Money has always been so tight and we could never justify it. It was so nice to be able to say, we deserve this, and it is for reasons like this that Jason works so hard for us. I was tempted to ask Jason so many times "how much is this costing us?", but I never did, it was nice to just be treated to it and not have it matter. I think it is important to let him just take care of me and not have me worry about the cost. It was not only the best Valentines Day ever, it was one of the best days ever!

Big day for Noah

Monday was a big day for Noah. Reason one being we finally got and set up his Exersaucer. We borrowed this exersaucer from a friend for Brock. It was wonderful! It is the most expensive exersaucer out there and is a PAIN to put together - but we decided it was totally worth it! So several people (great-aunts, grandma's, and great grandma's) all chipped in and gave it to him for Christmas. This exersaucer is great because it is developmentally appropriate for a HUGE age range. There are so many things that it keeps their attention for a longer period of time - but it is also not overstimulating. When they are done with the exersaucer part it folds out into an "S" shaped "work station" - this was my FAVORITE attribute. They would love this for years and when ever we get a house with a play room I will keep it up all the time. Definitely worth the money.

It comes completly apart. Jason and Brock had fun putting it together though. Brock loves to help Jason put things together - but his was the first time that he actually really did help. He could follow directions and bring pieces to Jason and correct tools.

This is Noah's (so-far) favorite toy. (It was Brock's too.)

Brock is loving having the toy back as well. I was worried that he want to play in it - but it hasn't been too bad. From day one we explained what was just for Noah and what was just for Brock and it hasn't been much of a fight. He does not sit in the bouncer, the swing, the jumper, or the exersaucer - I am glad we stuck to our guns - we really could not afford to replace anything if it broke. (I do let him sit in the Bumbo - that can't break.) I think it is important to set realistic guidelines with kids - even though Brock was so young when Noah was born - he understood what was expected of him - and I just had to be 100% consistent no matter how much easier things would be to give in.

Noah's next big event was rice cereal. I had hoped it would help him sleep through the night - my hopes were in vain. Nevertheless he liked it well enough, as long as it is really warm and not too thick.

I am really not excited about entering this stage of his life - the eating baby food stage. I find it to be the worst stage. I make my own baby food - which I am glad I do - but urg... it's just annoying. I don't have the freezer space to store the food and I find the whole thing nauseating. (I did not find it nauseating until I was pregnant with Noah - now I can hardly look at the stuff.) They are also always messy and smell gross. I find baby food all over them, me, and my kitchen, plus this is when their diapers start to smell. I wish we could skip this stage and go straight to cut up finger foods!

"I do it"

I don't think you are officially a two year old until you say those 3 words - "I do it". Today I put a one year old down for a nap and a two year old woke up. Brock is VERY easy going and totally chill, he is pretty independent, but has never really demanded that HE do anything. Well, today he woke up from his nap and we had to go run some errands, so I started to get him ready to go outside and he said, "I do it". Excuse me?? HE wanted to: put on his shoes, put on his coat, zip the zipper, put on his hat, and carry the diaper bag down 3 flights of stairs. He does not know how to do any of these things (except put on his hat). And despite the fact that I was in a hurry and did not want to waist time my mothering intuition and my degree in early childhood education told me to "let him do it". So after 10 minutes of trying - he asked for help.

"I do it" - please - I don't know if I am ready for this.

Cousins

Noah is very lucky to have a boy cousin on both sides of the family his age. My sister Katie had a baby boy, Bradley, 3 weeks after Noah was born. And my sister-in-law (Jason's brother's wife) Janina had a baby boy, Aaron, 10 weeks after Noah was born. I never knew what it was like to have cousins close to my age that I saw regularly. This will be fun for him.
Noah and Brad. For some reason we can never get a good picture of these two - they just kind of fall all over each other until one stars crying. This is the best shot I got (at least they both look happy).
side note:My sister Ashley bought both these outfits for them for Christmas - she spoils us and our kids!

Noah and Aaron. In contrast - these two sat straight up on the couch the whole photo shoot with these "mug shot" faces. It was so funny. I took like 10 pictures and they all looked just like this.

We got Brock in on the action - but he kept making this cheesy-slight-grin-squinty face with his hands by his face. Again - I took like 5 of these and they all looked exactly the same.

Ali's Baby Shower

(I stole these pictures off of Ali's Blog - sorry)

On Saturday we had a shower for our friend Ali. It was a lot of fun - I only see most of my childhood/high school friends at showers or weddings - but every time I leave I think "I should get together with them more often", I love them very much and they have made such an impact in my life and have really shaped the person I have become (or the person I am becoming).

This shower was especially fun because Ali has wanted to be a mom since she was about 3. She is so fun and is going to be the best mom. I am so excited for her.
Left to Right: Trina (and a baby girl bump), Niki, Ali (her baby boy bump), Abbie, Me, Nicole, Megan (and baby Tessa)
Bottome row: Caroline (and niece Belle) and Megan

Ali and Megan (The third Megan at the party, if you are keeping track)

Megan, Nicole, Niki and Me

Daniels Basketball Game

We finally made it my my brother's basketball game. And let me just tell you - Brock was in heaven. I was worried about it holding his attention the whole time - and it really did. He stood on the bleacher seat and clapped and cheered when either team made a basket, and of coarse yell "swoosh". Noah did really well too.

Here is the three of us decked out in our Bengal orange.

Me and Noah

During half time my cousin Jackson took Brock onto the court to play some ball. Brock thinks Jackson is just the coolest boy ever.

My aunt Leslie and Noah

Noah could not make it the whole game - he took a little nap in his wrap.

I REALLY wanted a picture with the boys and Daniel - but he played for both JV and Varsity so he could not come out on the court in between games - I was totally bummed!

My new Wednesday nights

My wonderful husband has given me Wednesday nights off. I have been feeling like I needed a spiritual tune-up. I have not been able to really attend all my church meetings for almost 2 years now and my scripture study is almost always interrupted by a crying child. I craved complete devotion to the Lord and things spiritual on a consistent basis. So I am now attending Institute on Wednesday nights. I was a little nervous at first - I had a bad attitude towards institute after I was engaged and got married - it felt like the whole thing was just to find someone to marry - I hoped that night classes would be different - and it was.

This week was my first week and it already changed my life. It was an hour and a half of feeling the spirit. I learned doctrine that I did not know before, I received revelation pertinent to my life, and received an answer to a long ago prayer. I could not write in my notebook fast enough. Ever since then my personal scripture study has been amazing - I am "likening the scriptures" to myself better and remembering things like I used too. This really has been the missing key in my life. I am SO GRATEFUL to Jason for being willing to take the kids on Wednesday nights. It is at the worst time too - he has to feed them both dinner, give Noah his night-time feeding, and put both to bed. Since I have never really worked or gone to school since we have had kids - he has never had this type of responsibility on a consistent basis - I was a little nervous - but he was so willing - I could not turn it down.
So they get much needed "man time"

Leave the room for one minute

I had to go throw Brock's diaper away and Noah was playing under his play mat. I came back in the room and I found Brock under with Noah. At first I was a little startled - he could have been ON TOP on Noah. I went over there and saw that Brcok was playing with Noah and trying to show him how his toys worked. Noah was very fascinated with what Brock was showing him. It was a sweet moment. This was the first time they really played together with out me or Jason facilitating it.

He is sitting

If you can call this sitting. He is just leaning on his hands - but he can do it for several minutes and if he is about to fall he will rebalance himself and his hands so he does not fall. Who told him he could grow up? Not me - that's for sure!

Wanna hear a secret?

(Well not really secret since I am posting it on my blog) Warning: This is pretty personal - so in case you cannot reverence my sacred feelings - don't read.

A few weeks ago I thought I was pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and found out I was not - but after the results I discovered that I was sad. What? I just had a baby - and if I HAD been pregnant Noah and the "new baby" would have been in the same grade! All logic (and Jason) says that I should be elated not to be pregnant and we should wait a while until we have the next. So why was I sad? I did a little soul searching and found my answer.

The day after Brock was born Jason and I were talking in the hospital and we both mentioned how overwhelming our love for Brock was. We had both said that previously we wanted many children - but now Brock was just so perfect and we loved him so much that we could honestly be happy with just him. Despite this feeling we knew we would have more children - but we loved Brock more than we had ever thought possible.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Noah I felt very overwhelmed. My life was wonderful with Brock - I loved him so much, I loved being a mother, I was so happy, everything seemed perfect - how could I love another as much? I knew things could only get worse with two, I would not be able to spend the quality time with Brock that I wanted -and I would not be able to bond with the new baby like I would need to because Brock would be there. I felt unsure about how it would all work out - I knew it would - I just did not know how. I knew plenty of bewildered moms of two or three (or five) kids who looked like at any moment they were going to cry. I did not want to be that mom - I was nervous.

Then I had Noah. Wow. Love is truly a gift from our Heavenly Father. I love Noah more than I ever thought possible. I call him, "My Noah", he makes me so happy - just to look at him makes my heart swell with joy. I can't even imagine what life was like before him - I almost feel like I did not understand love until I met him. When I have him close to me - it feels like everything is right with the world. I miss him so much when he naps. I just feel better when we are together.

Best part is, my love for Brock has not diminished - I still love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. Everyday my love for him grows and grows. And when I have both of them together and we are just sitting on the living room floor reading a book or out and about on our adventures - I feel like the luckiest most blessed woman in the world. I truly feel like they are my gems.

This experience has led my heart to believe, "if it was that great with one, and it is THIS amazing with two, how great will it be with three?"

So - no - I am not pregnant - and, no - we are not going to start trying, it is not the right time for us or our family - and yes - I am a little crazy. I just wanted to put it out there that I love my children and I LOVE being a mom. Words cannot describe the joy they bring me everyday. I could have never imagined a more perfect life.

Randomness

We are still sick here at the Herbert household - we are going on about 2 months now! Brock is finally better - but Noah is still really congested - especially at night. We have been to the doctor a few times, and they say that there is nothing they can do for him, we just have to let it pass. BOO!

These are the clothes I got for my boys to wear to the Brighton games my brother plays in, but we have been too sick to go to any of the basketball games - so we wore them today just for fun.

Noah is loving to grab at everything lately. He really likes "toy" time. He gets really amused by all of his toys and rings - he could play by himself and entertain himself all day if I let him - but for some reason I feel guilty when I see him playing all by himself. But it is nice to know that he can do it - because sometimes he has too. It has been so fun watching him learn how to use his body and emotions - it is definitely just as much fun the second time around.

He does not particularly suck his fingers - just sometimes (since he learned he has them) and it is always a different finger.

See Previous Post

http://jamieherbert.blogspot.com/2008/01/why-do-i-encourage-things-i-hate.html

(See Noah smiling at Brock - so cute)

New Year's Resolutions

Get one craft done a month
I have several crafts that I have been wanting to do for about a year. Some of them are: Quiet Book, I Spy Bags, Brown Bear Book, and hooded towels for Noah - just to name a few. I have set aside Thursday nights to work on crafts. So my goal is to finish one a month (except for the quiet book - goal is 3 pages a month. And be all caught up with my scrapbooks by the end of the year.

Read my scriptures and the Ensign everyday
From age 16 to 20 I read my scriptures every single day without fail. Then I skipped about 4 days for some reason and it has been a struggle ever since. I will go 6 or 8 months reading everyday, and then I fall off again. I know with out a doubt that my life is richer, more fulfilling, and calmer when I read everyday - plus I love to learn the gospel - there was a time in my life when I could reference almost any scripture or scripture story and knew backwards and forewords the stories - I feel like I have forgotten a lot - and I want to remember again. I absolutely love the scriptures and I need to read them everyday.

Become a more thoughtful and gracious person ("quick to observe")
I want to recognize the needs of others and act on them. I want to have a service orientated attitude and not think about how it would inconvenience me. Since I was put on bed rest with Noah, I have really just put me and my family as number one priority - and I think for a good reason - but now I am fine and I need to put others first. I want to be more gracious by acknowledging peoples good works, efforts, and kindness by writing thank you notes or verbally (or cookies). I especially want this to "spill-over" into my visiting teaching.

Truly become Jason's Sweetheart, again
Jason would totally disagree with me on this one - but I don't FEEL like his sweetheart. I feel like a wife and the mother to his children - but part of me still wants to be his girlfriend. I am giving him a checklist of things he needs to do or a list of things he forgot to do more often than not. I really want to become his best friend again - separate from the children, separate from the household responsibilities, separate from all other day-to-day things. I want to be his number one support, his "safe-haven", and want to have fun with him and go out on dates more. For our whole marriage we have both been working and going to school and now that we are both done with school and I am home with the boys, we really do have the time to spend alone time together - we just need to get back in the habit.

Establish, re-establish, and maintain my girlfriend relationships
In the last year my sphere of friends has diminished dramatically - everything from best friends to casual acquaintances. First of all - we got put into another ward, I was released from the RS Presidency (sisters that I really loved) and have not been given a new calling (8 months now!), I have never been visit taught in this ward, Ashley moved, Sabrina moved, and now Jess has moved (welcome to BYU married wards), and I have not stayed in touch with other friends because I have come to believe that leaving a comment on their blog counts as "staying friends".

Those are the goals that I have control over, I have a few things that I hope I have accomplished by the end of the year (but I don't have a lot of control and am willing to do what is right for the family, but if I had a say...)

• Be in a house
• Not live in Provo (preferably Utah County - but I will accept anywhere but Provo)
• Start up Peer Parenting again
• Have Jason and I go on a vacation - just me and him (We actually never went on a honey moon)
• Go visit Ashley in Minnesota and James and Vivian in Washington DC

College - done!

Today I took my final for my last college class and passed! I am now completely done with college. It was for a math class that I have been ignoring since my first day of college - let's just say... I hate math. I signed up for this class nearly every semester and dropped it after the first day. I was supposed to graduate the semester I had Brock - but only took a partial load, because I knew I was going to have a baby. Then I took the rest of my classes that next fall (minus this math class), I finally signed up for it through independent study last year. After a LOT of procrastination I convinced our friend from our old ward, Wes Jones, to tutor me. He was my salvation - I understood things I never had before. My goal was just to pass the final - I had to get 20 out of 30 right and I did - I got exactly 20 right! For the record it was 100% the spirit - there were a lot of things on the test that I just did not know and did not study - after a few tears and desire to give up - I went back through the test to the ones I did not know - and got a boost of clarity. Everything looked so clear and new ideas were coming to my mind of how to solve them. I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, I am grateful for Wes, I am grateful to Jason for MAKING me take this class and graduating (I would have given up a few months back).

A break from tradition (sorry dad)

I have been married for over 4 years now - and have pretty much made dinner from scratch every single night. My mom always made us dinner every night - and she always cooked from scratch - but I did not realize how much my mothers cooking habits (and my father's eating habits) rubbed off on me until recently.

My father HATES onions. He won't eat anything if it even smells like it has an onion or onion flavoring in it - so - being the good wife that she is, my mom never cooked with onions. There was never an onion in our house or in any food. Naturally I thought I hated onions as well, and always asked for food without onions at restaurants (because that is what my dad did), and for the past four years when a recipe called for an onion I just skipped over it - with out even thinking about it.

Then about a month ago I borrowed 2 recipes from 2 friends. My friend Katrina gave me her yummy fajita recipe and Karli gave me a meatloaf recipe. Both called for onions, and for some reason I thought - maybe I should try it with onions. Since I had never even touched an onion, I had no idea how to pick one out, how to cut it, store it, or what the difference was between the colors. I had to have Katrina explain it to me.

So it has been a month now - and I LOVE onions. I went back through all my recipes to find the ones that really called for them. It has brought me into a whole new level of cooking - I get so excited when I know I am going to make a recipe that calls for onions - and I know it is just going to taste better now. So, sorry dad -but I cook with onions now (but if you come over for dinner I will leave them out).

Sweet Dreams

I had the sweetest dream last night. In high school one of my good friends, Jara Ludlow, died. Last night I had a very vivid dream about her. She was so real, I saw her smile and heard her laugh, and she was being so funny - Jara was always being so funny. It was 100% her -I feel like I just spent the day with her - It was amazing. I woke up and felt like she was alive again -and the best part - I know she is - I know she is still smiling that beautiful smile and others are hearing her laugh and tell her jokes. I know she lives, and I am so grateful that I know that and that I feel like I got to spend some time with her last night. I love you Jara. (My friend Ali Liddell died that same night in the same car crash - I love and miss her too - she just was not in the dream - I don't want her to feel left out :) I love you too Ali!

Merry Christmas

We went to JcPenny's for a classic Christmas photo shoot. I never got a picture of them smiling together - but I think I have some of the most handsome boys in the whole world! (I just scanned the photo's to put on my blog - so don't mind the quality)
It looks like Brock has a bruise on his right cheek for some reason - he doesn't, it is just from the scanner or something - the pictures don't look like that.

My sister Katie came with her two kids to get pictures taken as well - and we had them all get together at the end for an "all grandchildren" shot. But by this time they were all DONE with pictures - so this was the best one - I don't think it is so bad, considering Noah and Brad were crying most of the shoot.

I was only going to get one of Brock and one of Noah - but his one just cracked me up because he looks like such a little man - so I got two of Brock (I hope Noah does not mind).