Money is a funny thing. On one hand I would say our marriage has revolved around it (whose hasn't?) and on another I would say it really doesn't mean that much to us. Most people who are close to us would scoff at that last part. I understand why. It seems we are always not spending money becasue we don't have any. But we rarely, if ever, make life decisions based on money. We have our babies regardless of jobs, money, or health insurance. We buy the house that we feel spiritually prompted to buy, and we take the job that we feel is right regardless of pay. We have always had one goal in mind: have enough money so that we can help other people. That goal has driven our past decade and a half of our DAILY life decisions. We have a tight budget and we keep it. We buy what we need and we only buy what we want it we have the money. We spend less then we make - sort of. Since we only buy what we need, we buy what we need and pay our tithing and hope it all works out. And it always has. I mean ALWAYS has. Not matter how much money we don't have or how long we were out of the job or how many things broke we always end every year with more money in savings than when we started. I know this because my job is to keep track of the budget on an excel spread sheet. I input every single bill, receipt, credit card purchase we make. Everything. I can tell you how much we spent on clothing in 2009 ($396.78) or gas for our cars in 2016 ($2095.65) - it took me literally 20 seconds to find those numbers, and I can do it for anything since 2004 - birthday parties, fast food, haircuts, fertilizer for our grass, etc. Jason's job is to pay the bills. All the bills. He gets the mail, goes to the bank, pays everything, and keeps it all organized (we don't do ANY online banking or bill pay - everything is a check through the mail). It works well for us. Some years we do better than others at the "only buy what you need" and other years we could justify a "need" as a Slurpee quite often. We NEVER fought about money, we were always on the same page. It was a blessing. We figure if we work hard, make our purchases intentional, and pay our tithing then we don't need to stress - so we don't.
Then we got money. That was harder. I was surprised how hard it was actually and quickly decided I liked things better with no money. It isn't that we fight about money a lot - or even more... but kind of. When you go 10 years ONLY buying needs that are a WHOLE LOT OF WANTS that just got ignored, how do you possible prioritize all of those wants. It's hard. We aren't rich - but when you have money that we can reasonably spend... who gets to spend it? And on what? And then there is the gray area - inbetween wants and needs like... new windows, or the hard wear floor refinished. Is that my want? my need? the families want? the families need? We are SO USED to categorizing and tracking things that we HAVE to categorize it somewhere - but where? It is hard. I don't think house things should be MY wants becasue my wants should be like dying my hair or new clothes - but I do WANT the house things too - but I think they should be different. And I am not even going to start on the kids - wants vs needs for them. Because I have things I think the kids need and things I think they want and things I want for them. Jason has his own list. And of course the kids have their own. If there was just no money the decision is very easy. But if we have like 100 dollars to spend somewhere... where does it go? See what I mean?
Then there are the houses. We have owned 2 homes. Our first was bought with blood, sweat, and tears. We looked and looked and looked. We had very little money to buy it and a strict budget, but we felt like the world was our oyster. We were trilled to be buying a home. We didn't have high expectations. We had been in a third story apartment for 6 years where I was pregnant 3 times. I wanted a garage, a kitchen island, and a back yard. That was about it. We LOVED our home. It was everything we could have ever hoped for. It was a starter home to be sure, pretty small and modest, no "upgrades" or anything fancy (3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1200 sq feet) - but we loved it and quickly decided that we would like to stay there forever. Starter-shamarter. I was just filled with joy several times a day at little moments in that home. Walking down my stairs and seeing my kitchen, pulling into our garage when it was raining and getting my kids out of the car and into the house DRY, or watching them play in the back yard from my kitchen window while making dinner, or Brock waving a web with yarn through our railings. I was so so grateful to Heavenly Father that we got this home. Everyday I was filled with gratitude and joy.
Then we moved to Denver. I didn't want to go. I told Heavenly Father this and he asked me to go anyways. I asked if I could at least have a home I loved and a good neighborhood. My list was the same. A kitchen island, a good backyard, a pantry. But this time I said, "and I just want an upgrade, maybe an extra bedroom or a porch or something - just so I feel like I got something for moving to Denver." He delivered in a BIG way. I was astonished at the house that we felt very prompted to buy. It was WAY too much (not money - just house). It was the house I would have thought to buy in 10 years. There were 4 bedrooms upstairs, an amazing master suit with his and hers walk in closets, an awesome master bathroom, double sinks in the kids bathroom, a great basement for a preschool, a guest room and bathroom for out-of-towners, a circle on the main level so the kids could run, a perfect front yard for the type of gardening I love to do, a porch, I could go on and on. The three things it didn't have: a kitchen island, a pantry, and a good back yard. But we knew this was to be our house. I was overcome with emotion at how much Heavenly Father was giving me for moving to Denver - this house was SO MUCH better than anything I would have ever expected. And I can't say exactly why... but after being here for 4 years that joy I felt from our first home never came. I don't LOVE it like I loved our first home. I spend a lot of my time wanting more or different. Why was I content in 1800 square feet and wanting more in 3000 square feet? Is it because it wasn't really what I wanted? Is it becasue it was more than what I wanted, and now I want more and more and more? Is it because it was just given to me and I don't feel like we earned it? I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I like this house, I like so many things about it - and when we thought we might move during this lay off and we looked for houses I didn't find ONE house that was better than our current house (even with a larger budget). But most of my feelings towards this house are in my head and not my heart. But I know with our a shadow of a doubt that we were supposed to buy this exact house. This is where we are meant to be. I KNOW this.
I don't know how all of this ties into what seems to be our trouble with jobs. It seems as though we handle money well that maybe we shouldn't have to keep going through job losses. I feel like we have passed this part of our test - so we shouldn't have to keep proving ourselves. But every time I learn something new - so I guess that is the point. I am sure that he knew jobs would be hard for us so he gave us a win on budgeting. That is a blessing. I don't know why every time we decide to have a baby we loose our job. It is either to test our faith to see if we will put our family before finances... well that is what I used to think. Now I think it is His way of telling us not to have babies. (that is half in jest... I don't really think that... completely... yet).
Those are all of my thoughts for now. Below is a picture that Madison took one day of Jason paying our bills. I felt it appropriate. I am grateful he is my partner in this and that we have the same goals and he has a better head about how to reach our goals.
1 comment:
Amen, totally relatable
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